64

Catharsis

The spirits from Yatagara’s attack chased Rian. Even despite the speed bonus from Earthen Resonance, he could tell the spirits were outpacing him. When he realized he wasn’t paying enough attention to his route through the forest, which would potentially corner him, he slowed down just as the spirits began to surround him. He counted six of them.

They surged toward him from every direction like streams of fog. He dodged sideways, keeping attention to which direction he was going. If he went too far south or retraced his steps at all, he’d be hit with more status effects.

Two of the spirits crashed through him.

It felt cold—exactly how he’d imagine the touch of a ghost, a sweeping chill. His HP chunked down by almost half, but it didn’t feel as if he’d taken damage. Something seemed wrong. Then he remembered: he currently had zero Spirit from Yatagara’s Six-fold Slash. At the moment, he might as well have been made of paper, and every magical attack was like a flame.

He thought he understood the nature of the skill as well. These spirits—Yatagara hadn’t generated them. Instead, he’d stolen Rian’s Spirit and turned it against him. Defeating these ghosts would restore his stat. It was just a matter of attacking them. But how could he strike things that weren’t physical?

It clicked together as the ghosts streamed back around to chase him again. Rian dashed toward the nearest tree and punched it. Spirit Fists activated, encasing his body in a blue glow.

Tree equals living creature, indeed.

As his burning fist tore through the nearest ghost, restoring his stat by a sixth, he never felt more thankful for being surrounded by trees.

He made short work of more ghosts, leaving only one. As if it were self-aware, the last of them halted, then flew into a tree, merging with it.

The ground started rumbling.

Oh, hell no.

Rian sprinted up and kicked the tree in half, killing it and fully restoring his Spirit. He was not about to deal with another Runeknight-style encounter with a monstrous, living tree.

The last spirit went down surprisingly easy, at least. He hadn’t had that many points in Spirit to begin with, so it seemed these ghosts were rather fragile.

Mildly exhausted, he sat down and waited for his stamina to replenish, then entered Meditation to restore his health.

All the while, he thought over what Yatagara had said. And the weight upon his mind continued to grow heavier.

***

World 3-2 was much, much larger than Rian had expected. The first day he spent searching the area, he was eager to push onward. Then, as it became apparent that the ten hours or so left in the time limit was more like forty due to time dilation, he inevitably had more time to reflect on the situation.

After an entire day of no progress, with him just wandering forward and occasionally walking into a dead end, forcing him to gratingly backtrack as slowly as he could to mitigate the status effect penalties to the point where he could overcome them with Meditate, it was all beginning to wear him down.

Corvis had set up another bonfire when it was time to go to half-sync again. Rian sat in front of it and didn’t get up.

The Loyalists, Corvis included, were almost certainly manipulating him somehow. Rian only hoped that when he discovered their true intentions, he would still be able to have his say in the outcome.

If he made it that far.

The feeling of helplessness once remaining at the back of his mind crashed against him. It was beginning to seem like his actions didn’t matter—not if they were preordained. Maybe it wasn’t completely predetermined, like Corvis had said, but only to some degree. Yet no matter how he approached the issue, the paradox was still there.

Who’s making the choices here? Am I really in control? Have I ever been, from the start?

Rian stared into the flames of the bonfire for almost half a minute. He could tell Corvis was looking at him with renewed concern.

“I can’t do this,” Rian said quietly.

He couldn’t ignore it any longer. He’d managed to deny the reality this long, but the pressure on his conscience was becoming too much. There was simply no way to beat Ogrot. And whatever Corvis and the Loyalists were leading him into was almost certainly some kind of trap.

Rian sat back, realizing what was happening. He’d really, truly given up.

“There’s no way out, is there?” he whispered. “It’s just…impossible. There’s no way I can win. Not without help.” He slowly looked up. “Corvis, if we’re on the best terms we can possibly be on, does that mean you’ll fight for me?”

“I’m forbidden from fighting for you,” Corvis said gravely. “If I were to do so…”

As Rian had thought. It wouldn’t be that simple.

A long moment passed before Corvis sighed. “It’s as I’d thought,” he said, sounding unusually deflated, and Rian almost flinched at how the words echoed his thoughts. “It’s another failed run. I’d suspected it for some time, but I’m sure of it now.”

“What are you talking about?”

“This isn’t the first time we’ve been through this, Rian. You and me. There were…other versions of you, in the past, as you might’ve suspected. Versions you simply don’t remember.” Corvis wrung his hands. “There’s nothing special about you beyond your combat ability. So I don’t know why.” He looked off into the wilderness and shook his head. “I don’t know why she chose you, over and over. You doubt yourself too much. You approach things with too much caution. You’re nothing like how you were before. How you’re supposed to be.”

“How I’m supposed to be?”

“Whenever Yindra selected off-worlders to fulfill her wish, it was always the same. They’re reckless and stubborn. They’re overconfident. They’re driven to succeed at all costs, but they haven’t the slightest bit of self-awareness. This version of you, on the other hand, has managed to paralyze yourself with uncertainty at almost every step.”

Rian said nothing for a moment. “Was that supposed to help?”

Corvis grimaced, sighed, and turned away. “If you give up here, then so be it. I’ll put you out of your misery, and this will all have been for nothing.”

Rian stared back into the flame.

Corvis’s shoulders slumped.

“Actually,” Rian said, “give me a second. There’s something I should do first.”

He whispered the name of Kat’s wind mage, and a window opened.

If he was doomed to reincarnate into himself here, over and over again, without memories of his past selves, then…

Maybe there was a way to break the cycle that didn’t involve adhering to Yindra’s plans. The thought was a brief spark of hope. But Rian was still uncertain that it would work.

For now, it was time to do the only thing he could. Maybe the last thing he’d ever do.

He spoke into the whisper channel.

: Kat, I need to tell you something.

: I have this feeling I’m not going to see you again.

: So I’m going to tell you the truth. I don’t know if I’ll get another chance to do this. This is gonna sound ridiculous, but you have to believe me.

: I’ve been trapped in this world ever since I logged in. Somehow the game contacted me while I was in a coma a year and a half ago, and now I’m on some kind of secret quest to find Yindra in the past or present or…god, I don’t even know what they want from me anymore!

: My mom disappeared too, but I know she’s here somewhere. Somewhere in the game. In Miriad. Or at least she was. If I can find Yindra, I think she’ll tell me what happened.

: Please. I just wanted to see my mom again. You have to understand.

: Oh god, please don’t think I’m insane. I know how it sounds. But you have to help me. If we can take down Ogrot together, then I think everything’s going to start making sense.

: Despite what everyone’s told me, I don’t think this is all just a game. I think something really sinister is going on. I don’t know what exactly, but I have this bad feeling and I…

: WHOA, slow down dude.

: That was like a wall of text out of nowhere.

: I’m guessing you’re in the rifts. Gimme a second to read all this. Er, probably a few minutes from your perspective.

Nearly shaking, he sat there and waited. There hadn’t been any response, so he’d just kept rambling, letting it all pour out. From Kat’s point of view, this was all happening in an instant. From Rian’s view, time was passing three times slower.

Then, line by line, Kat answered. The pause between each response made the wait even worse.

: uh, what

: dude

: what the hell is this all about

: is this some kind of prank? Please tell me this is a joke

: I’m not making any of this up. My streaming channel was CobaltGaming. My real name is Rian Karasawa. I’m from Toronto. Please, if you’d just look it up, you’d know I’m telling the truth. There were news articles. I was mugged a year and a half ago and ended up in a coma.

: you know, I took you for a pretty reasonable guy at first.

: I know you like me, but going to this length just to get me to spend time with you is actually insane.

: I can’t deal with this right now. I’ll talk to you later.

Katrin has blocked you.

Your companionship with Katrin has devolved. (Lv. 3→0)

Rian sat there in silence.

He didn’t feel sad about it, surprisingly. Just disappointed. Deeply, thoroughly disappointed. And actually kind of pissed off. He’d spilled his guts out to her, and she’d just…dismissed him like that?

No, he couldn’t be angry at her. It wasn’t her fault. He’d tried, at least. But now he really was on his own.

“Corvis,” Rian said.

He’d waited patiently with his back turned to Rian, as if to look the other way while Rian divulged all his secrets to someone. Not like it mattered if no one believed him in the end.

Corvis turned to face him.

Rian opened his mouth to say something, and…

“Let’s keep going,” he said, the words surprising him, but they were true. He didn’t want to stop here.

He didn’t want to give up. Because this wasn’t really the end. When he got to World 4 and faced down Ogrot, he could at least face his death head-on. With a smile. And with two middle fingers extended to that orc-faced asshole.

And when Rian returned to the Overworld, he could leave the guild and go find a nice place in the Miracian countryside and just…forget all of this. Maybe try to find Yindra again, some other day. Some other year.

But that was all assuming one thing.

“The other versions of me, in the past,” Rian said. “Are they still around?”

Corvis nodded. “They’re only separated from you. You’ll never encounter them.”

He’d thought his other selves would’ve been executed for failing to achieve Yindra’s task, but that…changed things. For the better. So much so that Rian sighed with relief. He even felt a smile forming. Something he hadn’t felt in a while.

He was free. Maybe he hadn’t fully realized it until now, but there was nothing obliging him to anything, anymore. He didn’t need Kat’s help, because it wasn’t going to make a difference. And now he could do whatever the hell he wanted. The feeling was liberating.

He stood up, checked his map, and then stuffed it away.

In the end, it was that simple. He just had to keep going forward.

“Well,” Rian said. “I’m ready. Let’s go find the end of 3-2 while we can. We’re supposed to go kill that Zeniyon person, right? Might as well see what that’s all about.”

With a subtle smile, Corvis floated alongside to join him.

“You know,” Rian said, “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but…” He patted Corvis on the back. “You’re really the only one I can count on, Corvis. I’m glad you’re still around.”

“The feeling is mutual, Rian. Even despite your shortcomings, this instance of you has been…markedly different. It’s been an interesting journey, at the very least.” Corvis rested his hand on Rian’s shoulder for a moment. “I’ll be here until the end, whether you make it or not.”

Companionship Level Up! (Lv. 2→3)

“Corvis” is now a Confidant!

[!] NPC Companionship: Confidant

Confidant NPCs will occasionally bring you gifts (including materials and gold), improve the relations and favorability of their faction, and may provide assistance in combat.

Together, they headed north through the caverns again.