anonymous request I hate this sorry it's so long my loves x

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"Hiii!" I smiled, walking into Natasha's room. She lifted her gaze and instantly returned the expression. "Hey, you ok?"

For some reason that made me want to frown. Ever since I started dating Wanda Natasha's been different. But I don't want her to be different with me. Usually she would get up and hug me, or show the same amount of excitement.

Because she's usually excited to see me. And the fact that she's just been distant in an odd way is upsetting.

"Yeah I'm fine." I replied, sitting down on her bed next to her. All she did was nod. Nod. Just nod. She nodded at me.

No jokes, no nothing, she just fucking nodded as if I told her something she didn't give a shit about.

I kept quietly sitting there and watched as she continued organising her stupid fucking papers. I leant my head against her shoulder slowly, but got nothing.

Jesus I could cry right about now. If she neglects me one more time I might just cry myself a river and drown.

"I missed you today." I told her quietly. She hummed and nodded slowly. "I didn't see you all day." I added.

"I see..." she replied quietly. I see, said the blind man. I see. I don't think she understands how she's hurting me right now.

Suddenly she sighs, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as her hand gently played with my hair. Her actions are speaking louder to me right now.

"Nat..." I mumbled quietly. "Mhm?"

I can practically feel my heart being punctured by a stick right now. I don't even know if she's upset or tired, and maybe I am being selfish, but even her replies are making my heart crack slowly.

"Can I have a hug..?" I questioned. She smiled a little as she stopped fannying about with all her papers. "Of course you can."

I took no hesitation and yanked that bitch into a big tight hug. She laughed a little as i leant on top of her and cuddled her.

"Can I stay with you for a bit?" I asked her as she wrapped her arms around me. "What about Wanda?"

I furrowed my brows. Why would Wanda care? I think she's smart enough to know that nats my best friend. Nat comes first. I don't care, bros before hoes forever.

"Fuck Wanda, I've Missed you." I replied.

"I've missed you too, but don't you want to spend time with Wanda now, I don't mind." Her sentence cause me to loosen my grip and glare at her.

"I've spent time with Wanda. We're not conjoined twins. I wanna spend time with my favourite." I smiled.

Her smiles faded quickly as she stopped looking at me and averted her gaze far away as if I was a fucking virus. Well that wasn't very slay.

"Wanna watch something?" I asked her. She nodded her head as she moved all her papers off her bed. "How could I possibly say no to that." She chuckled.

"Walking dead?" I questioned. "Of course. And you better not have watched any episodes without me or I'll be mad." She frowned.

"Nooo, how could I possibly do that-" I chuckled, turning it on.

"You hungry?" She queried, gently stroking my hair again. I hummed and nodded. "K, I'm gonna order your favourite." She tells me.

Trust me I know Wandas my girlfriend, and I love her to bits, but things are different with Natasha. She knows me so well, it's like I'm her damn Bible that she's recited.

It doesn't bother me that Wanda knows less than her, it's just nice knowing I'll always have Natasha. And I'll always love her for that.

I got a little more comfortable, wrapping my arms and legs around her and cuddling her. She tensed up, which struck me as odd, but then eased up and cuddled me back.

"Foods here. You stay here, I'll go get it." She tells me. I nod my head at her and watch her leave the room.

My phone chimed, it was Wanda. I glared at her text for a solid second.

'Hey, where'd you wonder off to?'

I didn't reply to it, just threw my phone back on the bed and sighed. I just wanna be with Nat right now. Because I don't have to use up my energy with Natasha.

And with Wanda I feel like I do. I feel like I'm always tense around her, never genuinely comfortable. Not in a bad way, she doesn't cause me any irrational discomfort, I just feel...comfortable with Natasha.

Natasha returned with some food and gave me a smile as she shut her door and sat back down on the bed.

"Got you your favourite, and also your milkshake." She smiled, handing me my well deserved McDonald's. I would live off McDonald's, and I would happily eat that shit every day, even if it kills me.

"Thankyouu-" I smiled, snuggling back up to her as I ate. I then paused and glared at her. "Did you not get anything?"

She shook her head as her arm wrapped around me. "Why not?" I frowned.

She chuckled at me and smirked. "Cause I'm not really hungry, and also we had that shit last week."

I furrowed my brows and held a French fry up to her lips. "Eat it, I know you love it." I giggled.

She rolled her eyes and ate the French fry. We sat there in peace for a while, watching our favourite show as I fed her some of my fries occasionally.

"Want one?" I asked her, giving her one of my nuggets. She shook her head. "No thanks." She replies.

"But you haven't had lunch Nat, I feel bad so eat it." I nagged on.

"Y/n, I bought it for you, I don't want it I'll have something later." She tells me softly. I sighed and took a sip of my drink.

"Just one nugget?"

She raised a brow at me and started playing with my hair. "Please, just take one at least, I know how you are and I know your favourite hobby is lying." I went on.

"Fine. But I'm only eating it so you'll stop attacking me." She jokes as I fed her my last nugget. I smiled and then started putting the rubbish back into the bag.

"Who keeps messaging you?" She spoke as my phone was being absolutely spammed. Probably Wanda. Maybe even Sam, who knows, who cares.

"It's nothing just ignore it."

"It sounds like a fucking bomb. Answer it." She orders.

"Fine." I sighed, picking up my phone to be greeted by way too many texts from Wanda. Give me a break girl please. Like I'm not missing or anything, if I don't answer it's cause I'm genuinely busy.

"It's Wanda, you better let her know you're ok, she sounds worried." Natasha tells me blankly.

"Well she has nothing to worry about, I told her I was busy." I mumbled. "Yeah but-"

"Just forget about it." I sighed, putting my phone back down. Natasha went quiet for a moment, as if she was really thinking about something.

"Y/n." She spoke quietly. I hummed in reply.

She sighed and sat upright, pulling me up to face her. "Look, tell me why you're upset."

"I'm not upset..." I mumbled.

"Yes you are. I know when you're upset." She told me sternly.

I shrugged and looked away from her. What am I supposed to say? I don't actually give a shit about my girlfriend? That I don't have an emotional connection to her?

"It doesn't matter, yes I'm upset but I don't really know why right now, I need time to think about it." I told her quietly. She nodded her head slowly.

" Well if you need help figuring whatever it is out, I'm here." I nodded my head and snuggled back up to her.

"Come on, cheer up." She told me, pulling a blanket over me. I kept quiet and just clung onto her, leaning my head against her chest.

"This is cute, is it new?" She spoke, making new conversation. I nodded my head in reply. "Went shopping with Wanda and she got matching hoodies for us." I say blankly.

She hummed and gently stroked my back. "Well it's cute."

"Thanks. It's itchy." I answered.

She chuckled at me and furrowed her brows. "Itchy?"

"Mhm, I told her I didn't like the material but she thought I'd get over it. I'm not over it." She laughed quietly and shook her head.

"Why are you wearing it then? It's probably driving you mad." She told me, knowing that some materials make me physically and mentally itch. Like the hoodie Wanda got me is cute and all and I love it, but Jesus Christ I can feel it on me.

"Mhm, it is, really itchy. But I don't have the energy to go back to my room and change." I shrugged.

"You can borrow one of mine if you want. I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

I thought about it and nodded my head. She opened her closet and handed me one of her hoodies. She sat back down as I took the itchy piece of shit off of me.

She looked away awkwardly when she noticed I only had a bra on underneath. "Nat it's okay, you see me in a swimsuit all the time." I giggled, putting her hoodie on. Which just instantly felt like fucking heaven compared to wandas.

Wandas just felt like an old itchy towel. Not cute.

"I know, but I'm respectful." She teased. I laughed and immediately hugged her again. "What a gentleman." I joke.

She laughed as she picked me up. "Hey don't make fun of me, I am a gentleman and you're joking about it!" She whines.

"Yeah well...you should've seen your face when I took my hoodie off." I teased. She raised a brow and dropped me on her bed. Oh fuck no not this again.

"You were like, scared shitless-" I laughed. She shook her head and pinned my arms up. "Oh so that's how you wanna play huh?"

I giggled, but then suddenly screamed as she started tickling me. When Natasha tickles, it feels fucking weird. I think she has a secret tickle power she's been hiding, because I swear to god when she tickles it genuinely tickles.

"Nooo! Stop!" I cried, trying to release my arms. She smirked and kept going. I nearly screamed, laughing so loud I swear to god my voice might break.

"Nat stoppppp please!" I laughed. She stopped tickling me and let go of my arms, leaning over me and smiling.

I suddenly felt all...hot. Like I felt like I was sweating all over and I couldn't breathe. Also I was panting like a fucking bull, so that doesn't help.

I looked away from her face because honestly if I look at her for one more second I might lose my shit

She gently brushed my hair away with her fingers, slowly brushing her thumb over my jaw as she forced me to look up at her again.

I have a girlfriend. I have a girlfriend yet all I want is to have her. Not Wanda, but Natasha. I want her. I want her more than my girlfriend. I have a girlfriend; I want her to kiss me.

The both of us gazed into each others eyes silently, a desperation for something. And I saw it too. The silence deafening all around, just us, our eyes, our bodies.

I wrapped my legs around her waist, dragging her body closer to mine. "Do it." I whispered, staring right at her and eyeing her lips.

She hesitated as her face was only inches away from mine. "Just do it, do it." I told her, tightening my legs and cupping her face.

She leant forwards and gently pecked her lips on mine, before running her fingers through my hair to passionate the kiss. Her lips feel right. Soft and plump, Woking into mine perfectly.

Wandas don't work that way with mine. Every touch, every little movement is right. Her lips went harsher, sucking my bottom lip, before capturing it whole.

I moaned slightly into the kiss, feeling her tongue gently soothe the bottom of my lip. And just as I was about to let her in, to let her do it, she pulled away.

I immediately frowned, my breath adjusting to the aftermath. She sighed and leant her head against mine for a moment. "We can't..."

I glanced up at her sadly, wrapping my arms around her neck gently. She shook her head and leant her head on my shoulder. "We can't y/n."

"We can..." I mumbled quietly.

"We can't." She told me sternly.

"But I want to." I whispered into her ear sadly.

"But we can't." She repeats.

I frown at her as she moves away from me, sitting on the bed in silence. I mirrored her actions as I sat upright, watching her sit there, gazing at the wall.

"But why can't we..." I asked her quietly, fidgeting with the sleeve of her hoodie I had on.

"Because you have Wanda." She replied softly.

"But I want you Nat..." I told her, holding her hand. She squeezed my hand and shook her head. "You have Wanda. And she's my friend too, it wouldn't be right to do that to her."

"B-but I want you, all I want is you." I replied sadly. She gently grazed her thumb over my hand as she glanced down. "I want you too y/n."

"So let it happen...Natasha I want you, please, please, Wanda and I won't work out, it won't last long anyway, please Natasha, please I want you. That's all I've ever wanted."

She smiled at me softly as she tucked some of my hair behind my ears. "You know you don't have to beg like that sweetheart, I've already got my mind set on you. I just don't want to get between you and Wanda." She smirked.

"It's fine, she won't know, we'll break up, it wasn't working anyway. Please, she won't find out, and she won't have to know." I replied.

She looked at me sadly. I straddled her lap and gazed down at her with a frown. "I'm not that kind of person y/n." She says sternly.

"Well you've already kissed me, so what does it matter now? It's already been done so why stop? Wanda and I are barely even together." I answered.

"That's different. It was a mistake. Yes, I wanted it, but it was also a mistake. I'm not doing anything till you break up with Wanda, otherwise I'd feel terrible." She mumbles.

"Whatever then." I replied dryly, shifting off her lap and avoiding her gaze. She sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"What do you want for dinner later?" Her question irritates me. Why change the conversation? Why ask me that when we've just had lunch? Stupid cunt.

I completely ignore her and return my attention to the tv. "Okay...well do you wanna go for a ride with me?" She went on, staring at me.

"We could just drive around or we could go get coffee...or we could go somewhere for dinner...or we could go to the beach...or we could go for a walk, a hike...or we could...we could go shopping, or we could go to a museum, or I could take you to get your nails done...or you know we could just go for a spin?"

She rambled on for what felt like forever. A small smile tug on my lips as she spoke. She's just the sweetest sometimes. And maybe I am being unfair right now, but all I want is her. I just want her, and I don't even care about Wanda at this moment, because I just want Natasha.

"Or we could stay here and just watch whatever you want?" She added, gently playing with my hair. I still didn't reply.

"Okay...well...or I could just leave you alone?" She shrugs sadly. I shook my head but still didn't answer.

"Are you going to answer me?" She questioned quietly. Yet again I didn't reply, so she held onto my jaw and forced me to look at her.

"Answer me y/n." She orders softy. When she didn't get a reply from me, she sighed and leant her face closer to mine, gently pressing our lips together.

It didn't last very long till she pulled away. "Stop making me do this to Wanda y/n, please just answer me cause I can't take it anymore." She whined.

"Y/n."

"What?"

"What do you wanna do?" She asked me.

"Whatever you wanna do." I replied.

"Come on, I already gave you a list, unless you wanna go hang out with Wanda, then that's fine...I guess..."

I shrugged and turned my gaze down. "A ride maybe...then we could go to dinner or something later?" I shrugged quietly.

She sighed and nodded her head. "Fine by me."

"You know you're kinda a brat." She went on, continuing to play with my hair. I giggled quietly and rolled my eyes. "What can I say? I know what I want." I told her.

She shook her head as i leant in and kissed her. This one lasted longer, eventually I had straddled her again and it turned into a make out session. Her lips just feel perfect. They feel so right.

I flinched slightly as she pulled away, hearing a noise from somewhere. The both of us stare at her now swung open door, and silently start praying to god....oh shit.

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a/n

this is so long for no good reason but sometimes I ramble. promise I'm working on requests it's just taking me time to finish them and stuff. Lmk if u want a pt 2 cause probably yeh. i started writing my new book, kinda enemies to lovers so if anyone has ideas lmk. anyways love you sm bye xx

-mim