🍕Destiny Fish🍕

“Ohhhhh! Now we're talking! "The Secret Magic Fish Danger ranking list"?! Heck yeah! Let’s see, number 1: Vegetable Fish, of course. Number 2: Laser Fish, Woohoo, You go girl! Where’s my name?” He read through the list.

The Secret Magical Fish Danger Ranking List

Vegetable Fish Laser Fish Virus Fish World Fish Kinetic Fish Weather Fish Gravity Fish Pain Fish Divination Fish Metal Fish DNA Jellyfish Gate Fish Normal Crawfish Music Fish Narcissist Fish Sky Starfish Time Fish Dream Fish Mental Fish Yeti Fish Destiny Fish

“...Dude.”

Time Fish's spell ended and he returned to normal speed. Seeing the look on Destiny Fish's face, he immediately asked, “What's that? What did you find?”

“Duuuuude, look at this. Smarties ranked me last on this list! I hate them even more now,” he whined, passing over the list to Time.

“Oh, the secret magical fish danger ranking list? Is this your first time seeing it? Hehe, Divination Fish told us about it a while ago. Probably while you were on Earth. We all had a good laugh about it… Well, except Weather Fish. As you can imagine, she was pretty mad about only being ranked 6th.”

Destiny Fish picked up a new document and began reading, “C’mon dude, number 21? That’s not right! I should at least be higher than Yeti Fish!”

“I dunno… Yetis can be really frightening," Time Fish said, but upon seeing his friend's dejected look, he added, "Don’t worry about it, Destiny. They just haven't seen your magic in action. If it's any consolation, I’d put you at number 2.”

“Awww thanks, dude! I’d put you at number 2 too!” Destiny Fish's cheer returned.

He looked down at a blueprint for a coconut milk power reactor. Shaking his head, he tossed it aside and reached for another. The next document made his eyes go wide. He used one of Wally’s favourite swear words.

“What’s that?” Time asked.

“This is bad, dude! Check it out!” Destiny Fish held up the File for Time Fish to read. It was titled, “Operation foot odour: Secret plan to invade the magic fish homeworld”.

Time Fish repeated the swear word Destiny Fish had used and scanned through the document, “Fishsticks, they found our planet and… holy Goddess above, look at how many laser ships they've sent!” Time Fish abruptly stopped reading and snapped his eyes towards the exit, whispering, “My time sense is tingling. It’s time to go.”

The doors to the room slid open and all hell broke loose. Lasers slammed into Destiny Fish’s still-active shield bubble, thinning it rapidly. They had officially overstayed their welcome, it seemed. The whole facility turned into a hive of rushing soldiers and flashing alarms.

The magic bubble shrank as the two fish spat out their wands. When it popped, they charged forwards, ready to fight their way out. The high-tech battle suits the soldiers were wearing made the Smarties faster, stronger and durable enough to take a magic fish's tail-slap directly without turning into a paste on the wall. They were dangerous, but nothing a pair of magic fish couldn’t handle.

"Kung Fu, Keanu! Kung Fu, Keanu!" Time Fish called out one of their pre-made codewords.

"Good idea!" Destiny shouted back. He kicked off the combo with a wave of his wand and the magic words, “DESTINED MOMENT OF DESTINY!” aiming the spell at Time Fish. Dozens of red strings shot out of the wand and wrapped themselves around the sunfish.

This spell turned Time Fish into an instrument of destiny. Sometime in the near future, he was going to do something impactful and epic.

Empowered by fate, combined with perfect timing gained from his [Time Sense], Time Fish became an action star. He dodged lasers and bounced off walls to perform awesome somersaulting tail slaps. With a flick of his wand, he summoned a grandfather clock and dropped it onto an enemy's head.

Destiny Fish had to fight not just to survive but also to not get lost, watching how cool Time Fish was right now. They made quick work of the guards in the hallway outside the secret vault, but they each received several laser wounds in the process. More guards were already filing in so it was time to make a run for it.

They fought their way through the facility and reached the exit door to the rooftop. Time Fish held up a fin to stop them, “Wait!" He said [Time Sense] is picking up something,”

Destiny Fish felt it too, this was it, the destined moment. He formed a shield bubble behind them and waited for Time Fish's go signal. Tense minutes passed by as they waited by the door for whatever it was. Soldiers continued to pour in from behind, firing upon Destiny Fish's shields.

Time spoke up suddenly, “It’s almost time! Through the door in 3, 2, 1, Go!!!”

They both burst through the door out onto the roof screaming, just as dozens of Smarty laser jets arrived at the facility. The two fish froze, caught like two deers in headlights.

Destiny magic was unpredictable at the best of times. The downside of using [Destined moment of destiny] was that the destined impactful and epic moment wasn't necessarily a good one. For example, instead of giving you an epic escape, leaping into the night sky on a motorcycle while an electric guitar shreds, the spell is just as likely to deliver you perfectly into an unwinnable fight where you'd have to make your epic last stand.

Destiny Fish raised his fins up as high as they could go, “We…Uh…Surrender?”

The laser Jets opened fire. Destiny Fish and Time Fish raised their bubble as they tried to escape back into the building. Their path was cut off as laser fire focused on the entrance; melting it away. There was nowhere left to hide. They turned and fought back. Time Fish launched summoned clocks from his wand, flinging them at the jets and Destiny Fish fired red strings everywhere, both of which were effectively harmless against the powerful war machines. Every second that passed, several more lasers scored hits on their bodies. Death approached rapidly.

When all hope seemed lost, a star lit up the sky. It spread out like a firework, growing larger and drawing closer, arriving at the rooftop in less than a second. The star was in fact made of lasers. Countless numbers of them rained down, burning through everything in the vicinity, the laser jets, the secrets facility and the surrounding military compound; they all burnt away to atoms under the intense focus of the deadly beams. Nothing was spared; nothing except the two surprised magic fish.

These were not weak technology-based lasers. No, they were genuine, full-powered, magic lasers. For several seconds, the downpour of beautiful light continued to fall, illuminating their scales. Then, as quickly as it had begun, the laser show quickly ended, leaving only the two magic fish blinking their eyes.

When they were able to see clearly again, they looked around and saw that where once several large buildings had stood in their surroundings, now none remained. Molten slag dripped into a large hole in the ground while ash drifted up into the night air. Magma began to rise from deep within the gaping abyss. The lasers had apparently pierced all the way through the planet's crust to the mantle.

Destiny Fish and Time Fish swam up to get away from the rising heat below. Swimming down to meet them was the angel of death herself, Laser Fish, a neon pink lionfish. Considered by all to be the most beautiful magical fish.

“Hello boys, fancy meeting you two out here this evening. Hope you don’t mind me dropping in unannounced like this," she said with a smile, "Funny that I happened to pass by when I did. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say was the magic of… coincidence,” She gave Destiny Fish a wink

“Lashy!!!! That was so rad! Thank you so much for the rescue, dude!” Destiny Fish swam up to fish hug her.

“Thanks, Laser Fish!” Time Fish called out behind Destiny Fish.

She blushed and pushed Destiny Fish away, “You stink like cooked fish, get off. You’re most welcome, Destiny Fish. You too, of course, Time. That said, I’d appreciate it if you two took more care of yourselves in the future. I can’t always be here to save your fins. What were you two up to here?”

“Ahhh! The documents!” Time suddenly remembered all the documents that had been burned up during their escape, “Laser Fish, there’s an emergency! We gotta warn everyone.”

“What is it?” Laser Fish asked, growing serious.

Time Fish quickly explained the details of the Smarty force currently en route to their home planet.

“Oh! That’s not good at all! I’ll go get everyone, You two wait here; I’ll have Gate Fish come to collect you soon.” Laser Fish turned to leave but stopped after a few metres, turning back to say something, “Oh, one more thing: Destiny, I thought I told you not to call me Lashy in front of the others… that's only for when we’re in private, Ok? Don’t make me tell you again! Hmmph!” She gave him another wink before turning into a laser and flying off.

Time Fish’s eyes burned holes in Destiny Fish’s already hole-filled scales. Destiny Fish tried to avoid his gaze.

"So… you call her Lashy… But only in private?! Something you wanna tell me about buddy?" Asked Time Fish.

"Nah, ignore her, dude. It's nothing," Destiny Fish said dismissively.

Time Fish swam closer and gazed even harder at his friend.

Destiny Fish held up a fin, "I am forever faithful to my one and only. Goddess Fish for life."

"Wow! You have another woman?! I beg you, teach me, oh great master!" Time Fish bowed down before Destiny Fish.

"Dude, c'mon, aren’t you, like, thousands of years old? Why you acting so immature?" Destiny Fish moaned, "She’s just as bad as you; flirting at such an inappropriate time."

"OOOHH flirting? Is that what she was doing?! I couldn't tell! Hahahahaha! Ooph!" Time Fish had laughed so hard that he aggravated his laser burns.

“Hehehe. Everything hurts. I don’t like war, dude,” sighed Destiny Fish.

“Me neither, brother. Me neither,” Time Fish sighed back.

They waited, watching the stars together until a portal opened to take them home.

🐙Tomas🐙

A seven-and-a-half-limbed creature crept around the outskirts of Chook’s Creek. It was on a hunt. A hunt for clothes!

Tomas really needed new clothes to replace those eaten by the yowie. He felt the golden glow of the sun warm his tentacles and hated it. He was suffering from his first ever case of sunburn in his life.

Aside from that he was growing far too comfortable with being naked and worried he wouldn’t be able to return to his old ways, “Jackpot!” he cheered, when he came across a clothing donation box outside of an old thrift shop.

Double checking that no one was around, he crept up to the box and extended a tentacle up through the donation slot. He grabbed onto the first thing he found and pulled it out: A white, extra small t-shirt with a unicorn printed on the front!

“At least the box isn’t empty,” Tomas remained positive as he placed the t-shirt aside and reached in to try again. Next, he found a fishnet jacket. Tomas had never seen anything like it before. He decided it was probably a normal thing to wear in the outside world. He wouldn’t know since he’d spent his life in church-approved robes.

Moving on, he next pulled out a bright yellow bathroom slipper, some enormous khaki cargo shorts, a pink bathroom slipper, and then a shoelace. His tentacle scraped across every corner of the donation box as he prayed to find something else. His prayers were not answered.

“It’ll have to do,'' he forced himself to stay positive. Grabbing his loot, he hid out of sight behind the thrift shop.

Before getting dressed there was something he needed to confirm. Pointing the damaged tentacle away from his new clothes, just in case, he transformed for the first time in two weeks. He broke into a wide grin upon seeing that his arm had healed off into a stump. Looking closer, he thought It might have even regrown a few millimetres, “That's the power of octopus healing!” he bragged to his stump, “Ok, time to get dressed!”

A side effect of wandering injured through the wilderness for two weeks was that Tomas had been talking to himself a lot recently. Well, more than usual.

Getting dressed one-handed was a difficult process. This difficulty was compounded by the clothes he had available. The shirt was too small and revealed his midriff but at least his nips weren’t exposed to the elements anymore. Inversely, the pants were too large and needed to be held up by the shoestring he had found. His ankles hung off the back of the slippers. And although he kind of liked it, the fishnet jacket provided no sun protection. It took some grunting and groaning but Tomas successfully dressed himself. Well done Tomas!

Now that he didn’t have to worry about being arrested for public indecency, He marched towards the town proper declaring, “Time to find Wanda.”

All roads in Chook’s Creek led to the pub. Tomas soon stood outside it examining the building. Video games had taught him that taverns were where one went to get information. Which was just what he was looking for, so in he went.

Chook's Creek pub was one large open room. There was a bar in the centre of the pub with tables dotted around it. Despite being only early afternoon, it was already crowded. All the tables were occupied. Judging by the uniforms, bats, balls, and wickets strewn around them, the occupants were all rowdy, drunk, cricket players.

Tomas got many strange looks for his clothes as he tiptoed over cricket gear, towards the bar. Sitting down on an empty bar stool, he eyed the various taps behind the bar and saw that they had one for cola. Having drunk nothing but river water for 2 weeks the very thought of the sugar-filled drink made Tomas’ mouth salivate. An elderly bartender, dressed in a cricket uniform approached Tomas.

“G’DAY MATE, CAN I GET YA ANYTHING?!” the man practically shouted at Tomas.

Tomas startled, "Uhhh, hello. Yes, I’ll have a cola, please. Also, I’m looking for directions to…"

"WHAT?! SAY AGAIN." the man bellowed. He turned his head so the other ear was now facing Tomas.

Tomas raised his voice a little, "A Cola, Please!".

"WHISKEY? SURE THING MATE. HANG ON A TICK."

"No... Ummm," Tomas tried to protest but the man had already turned his back and began preparing the drink.

Thankfully, another bartender came to his rescue. She walked over and grabbed the man’s arm that was now holding the whiskey bottle and pushed it back down. She gave him a furious look and pointed toward the other end of the bar. The man hung his head and walked away.

She then turned to Tomas and spoke at a much more reasonable volume, "Sorry about him darl. Ya know, even before he lost his hearing, he still wouldn’t bloody listen to anyone. Too busy talking to himself. Unfortunately, he owns the place, so I can throw him out. What was it you were after?" She asked, looking Tomas up and down with a raised eyebrow,

Tomas smiled, “A cola, please. Also, I need directions”.

“Only cola? No booze?” her eyebrow rose higher. Tomas nodded. She poured his drink and placed it down on the bar in front of him, “That’ll be 4 bucks”.

Tomas blinked in surprise. Money was another concept that he was aware of through video games, but he had never actually used it in his life, “Uhhhh…”

The woman was staring at his stump wrist, “You said you were looking for directions? Let me guess, you’re here for that new prosthetic place over by the post office. What’s it called… Mr Timothy’s, right?”

“What? Oh, No. I’m looking for a person named Madame Wanda. Do you know her?”

Tomas was beginning to think this lady’s one eyebrow was supernatural. Somehow it raised even higher at his words, “Wanda? What on earth do you want to see her for?” she looked him up and down again, eyebrow endlessly climbing, “You’re not one of those circus mongrels, back to cause more trouble are ya?”

“Circus? Oh! No! I read about that online. No, I’m not part of a circus,” Tomas reassured her.

“Alright, good. You’d have all these buggers up in arms if you were,” she said gesturing to the cricket team, “Anyways, Wanda’s place is just down the road, swing right outside and head down the street for about a minute; you can’t miss it. Hope you find what you’re looking for there. 4 bucks for the cola,” she smiled and held out her hand.

“Yeah, about that..”

A few moments later a bouncer and the deaf bartender heaved Tomas out the front door of the pub and onto the road. He landed with a loud thud.

“It just feels wrong, ya know?” the bouncer said, flinging Tomas’ loose bathroom slipper at the back of his head, “Look at his arm, he’s disabled. Guessing by his clothes, he might be mentally disabled too. Telling ya, boss, it feels like we’re the bad guys here.”

“NA, YOU’RE ALRIGHT, AY. THIS BLUDGER TRIED TO STEAL A WHISKEY FROM SHERYL!” the deaf bartender reassured the worried bouncer. Turning to Tomas he shouted, “DON’T COME BACK YA THIEF!” then stormed back inside.

Thomas heard laughs from inside as they left him on the ground. He picked himself, and dusted off, then hobbled away towards Madame Wanda’s, a little sad about not getting the cola.