[ Recorded on December 25 ]

So apparently this entire place was an abandoned diamond mine. Not sure what to do with this information but maybe I find that useless gem and tell myself that it means something to me.

........

[ Recorded on January 1 ]

Happy New Year, I don't have a kiss but I do have a bottle of whiskey with me. I like this year so far like I like a shot of whiskey first thing in the morning: it's good for about 10 minutes and then I want my coffee to give me the energy to walk through this hell again.

.........

[ Recorded on January 2 ]

The nightmares haven't gotten any better. The dreams became an intangible mess of memories and feelings that I cannot begin to describe. I just know that I wake up bathing in sweat at 4 in the morning.

No one down here really cares how I look which is a blessing in disguise. As long as I keep getting results I can just sleep in if I need to and take regular breaks whenever I feel like it. Of course, I can't go to the surface or drink some good stuff but this place has left me with a lot more free time. I even picked up a few books, although I cannot seem to focus on them anymore.

Every Time I try my mind keeps asking questions I rather not want to answer.

.........

[ Recorded on January 13 ]

The days move fast, yet so slow. Looking back the days passed by in a blink of an eye. There is honestly not much to do here except work on science. I haven't managed to build any meaningful connections here but at least the people here treat me neutrally. And I can do what I always wanted to do, my job.

Then why do I feel so hollow?

........

[ Recorded on January 15 ]

There are rumors in the hallways, people talk with each other in hushed tones about Project 107, also known as Truthful Mimikyu. Apparently, a team down here took it upon themselves to find out what is hidden underneath the cloth.

Personally, I think it is horribly childish to ponder about such trivial things but I can't help but be curious myself after I read this alolan pokemon's pokedex entry online.

..........

[ Recorded on January 20 ]

Word is that they figured out what a Mimikyu truly is. I heard two guards in the hallway talk about it but when I asked what Mimikyu really looks like they just shrugged and said they only knew the rumors the secret was discovered, not exactly what the secret was.

........

[ Recorded on January 26 ]

Okay so whatever was underneath the cloth of a Mimikyu, I won't get to know it. Everyone involved with the experiment has transferred and left without even saying a word. Curious about what they found I asked Redburn, the person in charge of this facility. I told him that the results might be significant for my own research which was a bold lie but it's not like there isn't a whole lot more to do down here.

He took the bait but sadly he could not provide me with any juicy details, all he could share with me was that whatever was underneath a Mimikyu's cloth had been designated a 'memetic hazard' and the findings have been erased for everyone's safety.

I swear they keep up making these terms sound more interesting.

........

[ Recorded on January 29 ]

I woke up today with tears in my eyes. I have no idea why but I feel like I am missing something.

.........

[ Recorded on February 1 ]

Today Redburn came to my lab with a request. Apparently, he wants me to take on a side project and work with the Pokémon that are a part of something called Project 125: Z.

I was surprised by this offer and asked him why on earth he would approach me, I mean I already have my own work. Sure I am not making as much progress with my work as I want but it does keep me busy enough.

Redburn told me that 6 others had quit working on Project 125 and that the board was desperately looking for other people that could get Project 125 to work and produce some ..... results.

Not sure why he thought I would be a good fit considering, well my trouble with Pokémon in the past. I initially wanted to refuse but he handed me the files related to Project 125 anyway, telling me to take a look at them before making my decision.

Guess I'll have something to do during the sleepless hours tonight.

.........

[ Recorded on February 3 ]

Project 125, nah let's just say Project Z. Much easier to write. I read through the files which made me raise an eyebrow multiple times. Apparently, Project Z is a large project to create a permanent mega evolution from the Charmander line since they are they only ones are known to have 2 Mega Evolutions which for the record I didn't even know like a form beyond normal Evolution that is awakened through the bond between trainer and Pokémon, that sounds like it was taken from a movie not gonna lie. Apparently, the entire Project Z has been taken into multiple sections with how they approach the creation of the permanently mega-evolved Pokemon from forceful breeding between a mega-evolved Charizard ( not sure how they even got that to work ) and dragon types like Garchomp, etc. which produced normal Charmanders as far they are concerned, attempts have been made to genetically modify the Zygotes of Charmanders with the DNA of a Moltres ( how the fuck did they even get that ), something with junk DNA scanning, pretty wild stuff already which has produced the greatest results by creating Charmanders with the fire/flying typing but these Charmanders only have a life span of 4 days before they literally combust themselves to death. They have also attempted to gene-edit zygotes by removing the genes of the fire typing leaving behind only the dragon gene which creates ..... an abomination that dies at birth.

There have been other attempts to create a permanently evolved Charizard by even combining some of the methods to create Charmanders.

This little project is Project Z where now I have been put in to seemingly create something that shouldn't exist. Great, they want us to play Mew, just Great.

The last Project Manager left a note on the file saying "fuck this shit, I'm out. I can't handle seeing more of these abominations."

This managed to make me smile and now I remember why I need therapy.

.....

[ Recorded on February 25 ]

I decided to take Project Z as a side project. Although I am still scared of...well dealing with my fears hasn't gotten any better down here but at this point, I am just looking for something to break the slur of everyday life down here. Something that can keep me entertained, for a lack of better words.

I asked Redburn about the conditions I will work in and he told me that they couldn't be safer. I am not sure how honest he is with me but hey, what's the worst that can happen?

Redburn also told me that if I could prove my worth with Project Z he could give me some extra privileges.

The real question is; how the fuck am I supposed to make this work?

....

[ Recorded on March 2 ]

Today I saw the Charmanders' of Project Z for the first time. They gave me a keycard to its containment cell and I am officially registered as one of the people responsible for Project Z.

While I haven't met the others that are working on it, I guess I am alone on this.

The Charmanders in question were kept inside a rather large cell that simulated the Charmander line's natural habitat, with reinforced glass walls on all sides. These were the first Pokémon I saw in months so I was a bit nervous.

I was expecting to see abominations that would kill me the instant I laid my eyes on it but instead I was met with small Charmanders playing with each other.

'What's so scary about this?' I wondered.

That was until I literally saw a Charmander spontaneously combust and die in front of my eyes.

Did you know that a Charmander skull greatly resembles a marowak's skull?

Yeah, great now I have to take sleeping pills to fall asleep.

........

[ Recorded on March 17 ]

Okay, it is official. Project Z is insane and ambitious dream that is only going to result in the death of Charmanders; nothing else.

..........

[ Recorded on March 23 ]

Ok, so I don't have to actually do the how breeding, gene editing, etc. Thank Mew, I just have to either come up with new methods on how to approach the topic of creating Project Z or just take observations and give them to the other scientists.

I must be patient, today I think I will just try to talk to the other scientists on Project Z. The previous obviously will not work, those things have already been tried so a different approach is required.

.........

[ Recorded on April 15 ]

I still have made no progress on Project Z but I do have one thing going in my favor.... trauma, a lot of it.

The other scientists refuse to talk with me ever since the first day and only grin at me whenever I enter the room. No matter what I do, they just stare back at me with challenging grins. Redburn provided me with some options about what my tasks are in the project which mostly involves the observational study of the modified Charmanders such as how they react to things like electric shocks and simulated starvation but I like to think I haven't sunk that deep.

Still, now I finally understand why the guys before me quit.

My sleeping schedule is getting worse as well. I don't know if these two are related.

.......

[ Recorded on April 17 ]

Every time I leave room Project Z, I feel like I have lost another part of my humanity.

.......

[ Recorded on April 19 ]

I can't stop thinking about Project Z. I am not afraid of the modified Charmanders like I would be with a regular Pokémon, maybe because I can see that they are treated like nuisances by everyone, I can relate since everyone in my life treats me like a nuisance? I came so close to pressing the button this morning for the observations that would deliver a painful shock, the thought of doing that to what were essentially babies scared me.

While my hands were shaking, more and more Charmanders were being brought in.

Where the fuck are they breeding all of them?

I'm pretty sure it costs a fortune just to breed a single Royal Pokémon so how much money is being spent on this project and who the hell has that kind of money?

.........

[ Recorded on April 20 ]

This cannot continue. I need to find a way for the project to succeed. I can't stand watching more Charmanders die.

.........

[ Recorded on May 5 ]

Pain doesn't work in awakening the genes of either Moltres or Tyrantrum, previous tapes have shown Charmanders in various life-or-death situations yet they can't awaken but some have seemingly awakened the genes on birth or in a simple fucking argument over a berry.... why ?!

My other projects are suffering from this as well. I was told to read through a file about space radiation but my mind kept thinking of these damned Charmanders.

..........

[ Recorded on May 13 ]

This day while I was eating lunch alone in the dining area I got an idea. An idea so crazy it made me wonder if I had finally lost it.

The point is, I am fed up with not being taken seriously. Just being pushed around like I am part of the furniture. And at this point in my life I am pretty much sure I cannot sink any deeper.

Wish me luck dear recorder.