Frigid air howls through the exposed opening of Kuro’s elderus den, disturbing me from a restless sleep. I raise my head, heavy as a cinder block, and shake away the late autumn snow that accumulated on me while I slept. As I open my eyes, the scene before me comes into focus. Snow drifts have formed at the foot of the den, and icicles are beginning to grow along the charred bark that forms the ceiling. To my left is Kuro, curled into a ball, sleeping softly with her wing draped over my body. I smile, watching her chest rise and fall as she takes shallow breaths. Kuro’s rhythmic sleeping was my only source of comfort as I lay in my bedding, unable to fall asleep, too disturbed by the resurgence of terrible nightmares. Despite my troubling dreams, this would still be a typical morning in Felra.

Except on this morning, something feels… wrong. Dreadfully wrong.

I swivel around, searching the den for signs of something unusual. Did prey sneak in overnight to hide from the snow? Or have their scents drifted in from outside? We aren’t being attacked, are we? My racing heart slowly calms as I realize none of these are true. But if prey isn’t here, then what’s going on? Why do I feel so unusual?

And then, apropos of absolutely nothing, a screen appears in the air in front of me. As my eyes adjust to the sudden, artificial light, the disembodied voice of a woman rings clearly through my head.

“Oh, for crying out loud.”

“Mmmh…” Kuro murmurs peacefully, shifting against her warm bedding. “Asha?” she asks with eyes still closed. “What’s the matter?”

“Kuro,” I command. “Wake up.”

Too upset to rouse her gently, I kick her in the shins.

“OW!!” she cries, instantly sitting up. With a bite to her voice, she scowls, “Asha!! What are you—“

At that instant, the same transparent screen appears before Kuro’s sleep-deprived face. She winces at the light, and her face turns dour. “…Oh, skunkscent.”

“A menu screen?!” I chide, angling my wing towards the MOTD. “What is this crap? What the hell is going on?! ZANG!!”

As if on cue, the uncomfortably pink head of a scaled drakaina shifts into view at the foot of the den. “Goooood morning, Gamers!” the author exclaims with a cheeky forced smile, strutting into view. “Hey, listen, I’m sorry you guys had to find out this way, but the story got canceled.”

“Canceled?!” I shriek.

“They canceled us?!” Kuro nearly doubles backward in shock. “But we’re still in the middle of the novel! A chapter, even! How could they cancel us now?!”

“Well, the unfortunate truth is we just weren’t popular enough,” Zang explains, shaking her head in dismay. “Boilerplate fantasy web novels that don’t adhere to a hot gimmick just aren’t a good way to attract a lot of readers. You gotta have a REALLY good story to stand out, and regrettably, this one ain’t it. If I hadn’t made fundamental changes to the plot, the investors would have backed out. All of us would be out of a job.”

Kuro stares at her, struggling to find words. “So… you’re saying we’re a LitRPG now?”

“With an isekai back story.”

I blink, trying to imagine what strange, far-off world I was transported from and how ham-fisted the explanation would be to account for the story starting at breakfast in the Lordanou Palace instead of having me hatch from a spider monster’s egg or something else inane.

“This is ridiculous,” Kuro pouts, stamping her talons against the ground. “Nobody is going to continue reading this web novel with a plot change this dramatic!!”

“See, that’s where I think you’re wrong,” Zang quips, starry-eyed and fanning her scaled wings wide in front of her. “I believe it offers a fresh new approach in the world of LitRPGs! Think about it: A web novel framed as a straight fantasy romp with no foreshadowing of what’s to come, only to have its world torn asunder as the nefarious Administrator of The System finally appears in chapter 73! Why did it take them so long to show up? And where was The System in the previous seventy-three chapters? Hoo-hoo, the only way you’ll find out is to keep turning the page, dear reader!”

“You’re insane,” I detest. “I refuse to go along with this!”

“Look, could you at least give it a try? I worked really hard on the magic system, and I promise it’s a lot of fun.”

I release a strained sigh and look to Kuro for advice, but she’s just as uncertain as I am. I can’t say I blame her; this is a heart-wrenching decision. She’s been with me on this journey ever since chapter 33, and it really feels like we’ve nurtured something worthwhile and relevant. Is this really what all our hard work comes down to? The annihilation of our sensibilities on the love of the craft solely to appease some farcical, groveling capitulation to capitalism?

Zang chimes, “If you say ‘no,’ then I need your desks cleared out by five.”

“Alright, fine,” I sigh, throwing my wings up. “I’ll try out your System.”

Zang’s face lights up, and she flutters her wings in delight.

Kuro steps forward to stand at my side. “If she’s doing it, then count me in, too.”

I smile in relief and rub my muzzle against Kuro’s neck. Even out of character, I can always count on her to be at my side.

“Oh, wonderful!’ Zang exclaims. “Yes, this is splendid news! The story can continue! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to janitor the system and make sure it’s working and in tip-top shape for your adventure! Ta-ta~!”

Zang dips her head in parting grace, casts about, and disappears in a puff of plot convenience.

“SSSSIIIGHHHH!!!! Let’s just get this over with,” I grumble, instantiating the MOTD back into existence with a flick of my wing.

“Yeah, yeah, not my first LitRPG,” I dismiss, stepping out of the sanctuary of Kuro’s den and into the chilled morning air. “What do I have to pick first?”

“Alright. What are my options?”

D̸o̶c̷t̸o̴r̷;̴ ̸ s̷͙̜̯͓͙̔̏̃̈́̃͆̈́̓̈́̃p̷̢̛̤̳̰̖̝̜̒̈́͌̽̽̓͗͘͜͝ò̸̡̩̌̒u̸̩̰̣̐̈̐͗͝͠n̶̡̢̨̲̻̗̞͎̽̃́̈̂̃̀͜͠͠g̴̬̩͈̪͍͕̗̔͌̃̌̊͜ȇ̸̡̢̛̱̺̘͍̎̽̀͌͂̽́̓b̷͕͔͍͇̯̬͛̈́ā̴̛̼̣̽͗̊̿̋̔͛̐t̴͎̖̪̼̙̣̎̎̃̋

Without warning, the window becomes corrupted and blips out of existence, and the disembodied voice of the woman is cut off abruptly. Not like actually cut off, however. Because that would be barbaric.

“Aw,” Kuro pouts. “I wanted to be a Nekomata!”

“What the hell just happened?” I plead to nobody in particular.

Zang apologizes inside our heads.

With the author momentarily distracted, Kuro angles her head close to mine for a hushed conversation. “She’s not a very good software engineer, is she?”

“Nope,” I respond, shaking my head.

“Why doesn’t she just poach some intern from another department? That’s what everyone does for their first System.”

She just shrugs her wings and sighs.

“Hey,” Kuro grumbles, breaking the fourth wall to stare into the camera in your mind’s eye. “Asha was the one shrugging, not me.”

Whoops, sorry about that! Got a little confused there. I’ll try to be more careful from now on, okay?

“Yeah, whatever.”

At that fweghing instant, the System finishes rebooting, and screens reappear in front of our faces.

“Enough stalling,” I say, using a standard dialog tag for the first time in this chapter. “I’m picking Warrior Cat as my class.”

“What?!” Kuro shrieks in surprise.

As the window disappears, my body is enveloped in a dazzling, pure light. I feel lifted skyward by an invisible force, spreading my wings to their sides in a sort of Lithan T-pose. Compelled by something hidden beyond far, I shut my eyes and feel my consciousness and my body slowly altered. Memory by memory, limb by limb, byte by byte, etc, the very fabric of my soul is shaped and changed into something familiar. Something distinctively mouse-brained. My wings return to my body, and my feathers slowly become soft fur. My ears shift into points on top of my head, and whiskers grow from my muzzle. Keeping my eyes closed, I sense the light around me dim, and my paws touch the soft ground once more.

I reopen my eyes, seeing the world for the first time through a new lens.

The new world is obscured behind an avalanche of pop-up windows. Guess some things never change. I sigh and dismiss the notifications with a flick of my azure blue paw.

Kuro, now towering over me like an airship, stares down at me in supreme shock. “Asha…?” she asks, lowering her head to my level. “Are you alright? How do you feel?”

I stare past the blades of grass and up at my dear friend. No… she is something else to me now. For the first time, I see her as not just a friend but a compatriot — a clanmate of the Snowfell Clan.

“Great StarClan, it really worked!”

I lift my paw and gaze around to inspect my new body. Azure blue fur covers me from muzzle to tail, save for the cream-colored socks on my paws. I mean, like, sock fur. Not actual socks, okay? I wasn’t sure I would become a real clan cat, but here I am! I’m ready to go on border patrols, hunt for fresh kill, and get into forbidden romances with cats from other clans!

“Hey, Asha,” Kuro growls a few feet from my face. “Say a reaaaaaaaly bad curse word.”

“A really bad one?” I ask, grinning like an idiot. “Oh, I know plenty of those. Way more than fwegh. For example, Fox-dung.”

A sinister smile curls across Kuro’s muzzle.

“—Wait!! That wasn’t…!”

“HAHAHAHA…” Kuro falls to the ground and rolls around in laughter.

“You, weasel-hearted…!” I hiss, pointing an accusing claw at her. “You knew I would get censored!! How!?”

“Oh, Asha,” she chitters, trying to calm herself down. “Isn’t it obvious? You’re a Warrior Cat! They don’t know any twoleg swear words! And besides, did you really think you could get away with profanity in a children’s book?”

“But this isn’t a Children’s Book!” I protest. “It’s a web novel! The internet is packed to the brim with profanity, so I should be able to say whichever fweghing swear I want!”

“You’ll say nothing unless I approve of it, Asha!!”

The familiar voice of a young nicknamed drakaina calls out from behind me. I swirl around the underbrush and expect to see her standing there, but I find no one.

“I’m up here, mousebrain!”

Realizing the voice is coming from above me, I gaze up to see a shaggy pure white she-cat perched on a floating cloud with a distinctive, cheery face depicted on it. A sinister grin grows across the she-cat’s face as our eyes meet. “Well, Asha!! I see you’ve also picked Warrior Cat as your class!”

“StarClan’s kits!!” I yowl in surprise. “Tomcat?!! What are you doing here!? And where did you find that lakitu cloud?”

“Heh-heh! Zang made me the Administrator of her system!” she boasts, grinning from ear to ear. “I flew over here to tell you and Kuro, but since you also picked Warrior Cat as your class, we have no choice but to fight like we were battling for sunningrocks!! Also, I found the cloud backstage, and Zang said I could have it.”

Zang!! That no good, Hello Kitty themed…!! I hiss in disgust and sink my claws into the ground. How could she make Tomcat the Administrator of The System? I’m the protagonist of this novel! I’ve had the most page time by far, so the readers are the most familiar with me and my character development. Tomcat didn’t even show up until chapter 54!! She’s a midboss at best, not an Administrator!

“Tomcat!!” I hiss, pointing an accusing claw at her. “As the main character of this web novel, I will defeat you and retake my rightful role as Administrator!”

“Is it cool if I watch you guys?” Kuro asks quietly from behind.

Tomcat waves her paw dismissively. “Yeah, thas’ cool.”

The ground trembles as Kuro settles into the grass behind us.

“Now, then!!” I announce to nobody in particular. “We’re in a LitRPG, not by the lake. What spells are available to me?”

I hold my muzzle in my paw, carefully examining the list of spells. Although I’m quite curious about what ‘acquiesce’ is, flinging a fireball up Tomcat’s nose sounds like the perfect response to her debauchery.

“Alright!!” I screech, jumping into an attack position. “I cast Fireball!!”

At that moment, warmth tickles the tips of my right forepaw. I hold it out in front of me and watch as a searing flame forms in the shape of a sphere. I cast aside the sudden realization that I could’ve produced a pillar of flame the size of a building if I had just remained a Lithan. While that may be true, it wouldn’t have been as absurd as a Warrior Cat casting a fireball, and we must always strive for the obtuse in our lives.

With the fire swirling on my paw, I stare down Tomcat. “FIREBALL! GO!!!”

I fling my paw forward, and the fireball travels through the air all of 3 feet in the air before fizzling into nothing.

“Huh?!” I blink, unable to believe my attack failed. “What the hell just happened?”

Frope’s face glows in delight. “HA HA! Don’t burn down the forest, Ashafur!”

Oh, heck, that’s a good one.

“Huh?” asks Ashafur.

“…HEY!!!”

Oh, come on, it’s perfect!

“Yeah!!” Tomcat agrees. “’Ashafur’ is one letter removed from Ashfur! The name totally suits you!”

“Tomcat, what are you talking about?!” I hiss. “Argh, forget it! This isn’t fair at all! Why didn’t my fireball work?!”

“Well, you’re only level 1,” Kuro rasps from behind. “This is a LitRPG, remember? You gotta grind your skills before they become useful in battle.”

Fox-dung, that’s right!! All I’ve been able to do so far is pick a class. I haven’t had time to act as the audience surrogate and stumble my way around an unfamiliar fantasy world while leveraging the vast pool of knowledge from my past life to become ludicrously overpowered and make my way up in The System before eventually learning how to break the system itself and deify as it’s newest Administrator! I’m really jumping the gun fighting the Administrator right away, aren’t I?

“Enough exposition!!” Tomcat yells. A halo of Fireballs forms around her head and begin twirling rapidly. “We’re almost at the target word count for this chapter, so it’s time for you to DIE!!”

“Eep!” I squeak, falling on all fours to dodge Tomcat’s fireballs as they hurtle toward the ground at full speed. Relying on the knowledge we both learned hunting, I roll to my left to avoid the first attack and spring off my forepaws to dodge the second. Her fireballs explode on the ground and quickly ignite the tinder-dry grass. I glance behind me and watch a small brush fire envelope the scene.

“What?!” Tomcat yells in feigned surprise. “I thought fire would save my clan? Heh-heh!”

I open my muzzle to call out Tomcat for such a poor joke but am immediately interrupted as another blast of heat sails over the tip of my tail. I dive out of the way as the brush fire grows larger.

“These are not my kits, Ashafur! HA HA HA!”

What?! Ugh, that joke doesn’t even make sense!! Tomcat, you…!

At that instant, a sheet of paper and a box of cat-sized crayons puff into existence and land on the ground before me.

“Oh!” I mew in surprise. “Y-You want to commission my art for this chapter?”

“I think that’s precisely what’s happening,” Kuro says, joining me at my side.

Tomcat initiates an impromptu cease-fire and floats down to join us. “Are you an artist, Asha?”

“Well, no…” I say, feeling my tail brush against the grass behind me. “I drew a piece of art earlier in the novel, but it was very basic; a child’s drawing. I haven’t improved as an artist at all since then….”

Kuro lightly brushes the tips of her wing feathers against me. “Asha, it doesn’t matter how ‘good’ of an artist you are. If you can draw, you’re an artist, and your labor has value.”

“Yup!” Tomcat agrees. “C’mon, I like watching artist streamers. I wanna see your art!”

As I stare at my friends, a pang of anxiousness runs through me. I’ve never done art commissions before, will they really be supportive? But it’s a quest item, so I suppose I have no choice but to do it, right?

“Alright,” I say, cautiously approaching the box of crayons. I pry open the cover with my fangs and wedge a blue crayon between my paw and dewclaw. Laying in the grass to get into a better drawing position, I get to work drawing an elaborate composition of the ongoing battle — Tomcat and myself locked in combat, while Kuro sits off the side as a silent spectator. After a few minutes of drawing, my work is complete.

“There!” I announce. “What do you think?”

“It’s…” Kuro’s voice drifts off, and a muffled chitter escapes her. “Well, it’s certainly a drawing.”

At hearing her stifled laugh, I feel my heart sink a little. But before I can feel too anxious about Kuro’s passing judgment, a hearty cackle breaks out beside me.

“PFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTT… HA HA HA! GREAT STARCLAN, WHAT IS THAT, ASHA?!”

I stare at my so-called friend, unable to believe her response. “Tomcat, what the hell?!”

“Heh heh! Oh, Ashafur…” she says, wiping a tear away with her paw. “I know you aren’t an artist, but what is this?! Seriously???”

“Alright,” I huff, supremely frustrated. I drop my paws and announce, “That’s it, I’m out. You guys have fun the rest of the novel, I quit.”

I hiss in frustration and proceed to exit stage left. This novel was fun while it was still following the original storyline, but now it’s just ridiculous.

“Huh?” Frope looks at me, confused. “Ashafur?! You can’t leave now! We’re still fighting!”

“At-will employment!” I remind, waving my tail in parting as I trot out the shadowy back door of the stage and shift the narrator’s responsibilities to the third party.

“HEY!!” Frope yells, holding her paws in front of her face like a megaphone. “Come back here!! I’m going to go Hollyleaf on you, Ashafur!!”

She stares at the back door, anxiously awaiting a response that never comes. A cold breeze blows through the door and closes it shut without a resounding thud that echoes through the clearing under the elderus. The scene becomes silent as only Frope, Kuro, and the hopping woman remain.

“Was I too hard on her?” Tomcat asks in a somber voice, staring up at Kuro.

Kuro allows her wings to droop and averts her eyes. “You kinda were, Frope.”

“Ugh…” Tomcat frowns, realizing the error of her twisted ways far too late. “I’ll be honest, Kuro. If Ashafur’s no longer in the story, then I really don’t wanna continue, either.”

Despite the tough news, Kuro can’t help but crack a smile at her apprentice. “Wrapping things up quick, eh?”

“You know it,” Frope says, turning the cloud around. “I’ll catch ya later, okay?”

“Yeah. See you around, Frope.”

Frope flies off, waving to Kuro as she sails around her head and exits out the same door Ashafur used a moment earlier. With the two clan cats removed from the story, Kuro is the only one left underneath the elderus. She sighs longingly and gazes across the empty clearing, pondering what she should do now. She could try to put out the brush fire that’s currently raging out of control, but it all seems so pointless. What’s the sense of carrying on without Asha? Who could possibly care about the story now? May as well stick a fork in it.

“Well,” Kuro says aloud. “Smoke em if you got em’.”

After The Princess’s Feathers set burned to the ground, the actors said goodbye and went their separate ways. Asha quickly landed another leading role as Silhouette, the clandestine love interest of Shadow in the Shade Touched reboot, now available on Royal Road! Kuro bounced around for a while before getting a role in the So I’m a Spider, So What? sequel as a ‘trollsona taratect’ (Your guess is as good as mine.) Duncan left the web novel business and can be found maining Braixen at Pokkén friendlies. I ran into Horatio the other day. He’s looking great for his age!