“Did you think you were safe?” I asked as I towered over the next of my wives—or rather, over one of my eventual wives. She didn’t actually count as one yet. Then again… all of my wives, both present and eventual, deserved wifehood. Why only refer to those who were humanoid as my wives? Why make those not yet humanoid wait for the title of wife? To not consider them a wife was to put them on a lower level than my other wives, and that was wrong. No good husband of multiple women would ever put one of his wives below any of the others.

That meant, going forward, all eventual wives were officially my wives.

Back to the one standing before me, though, she was one who I did not originally bring to the beach with everybody else. But now she was on the beach with the rest of us.

“My dearest package?” Postia asked me, the front flap of her mailbox body opening and closing as she talked. “Safe from what?”

“My love. My fanservice,” I answered before taking a dramatic pause. “My… package.”

Postia gulped and began to salivate once she heard that last part. “Your… your package? My dearest package’s package?”

“That’s right, my lovely mailbox. I realized that I haven’t given you enough attention lately, so I’m having a short intermission here to give you some fanservice of your own. That is why,” I paused and snapped my fingers, causing a cardboard box even larger than my entire body to appear in the air next to me, “I’m going to give you my whole package.”

“That… that package… is so huge. Even I almost feel intimidated by its sheer length… its girth…”

“You’re the only one I can trust to handle such a load. There is nobody other than you who could take all of this into you.”

“It’s so big that it will stretch me out to over fifty times my size…” She might have sounded worried, but she drooled more and more the more that she looked at the package. “But I am a mailbox of my word! No matter how much it will force my body to expand around its awe-inspiring size, I will gladly welcome it all into me! I will protect it within me for as long as it takes! I won’t let any harm come to it! And I will deliver it to wherever it is meant to go!”

“Good. Are you ready?”

“I’m ready! Ready as I ever will be! Please, my dearest package, shove your whole load into me! Stuff me until it looks like I’m going to burst at the seams! I can take it! There is no limit to how much I can stretch!”

“You so know what you’re doing.”

“Of course I do. I am being a good mailbox!”

“Sure, sure. Now, open up.”

Postia opened up her entrance as much as she could and kept it open, drool freely running free from it as I grabbed the massive, levitating package and pushed it toward her opening.

It should have been impossible to fit inside of her. It really should have been. Yet, it fit. Betraying all sense of reason, the package slid right into her, forcing her to bulge out as she accepted more of its size into her.

I was pretty sure I heard muffled moaning at one point, too.

But regardless, after a couple minutes of teasingly taking my time shoving the entire thing into her, Postia was thoroughly stuffed and unable to make any sounds other than muffled moans.

“Now then, as for who this package is for… it’s for you, Postia,” I said. “This entire package is all for you, so you have to keep it inside of you. But, I wanted to test something. Since you’re such an… innocent and wholesome postbox who only cares about doing her job to the best of her ability, I thought it would be a good idea to perform a… structural integrity test, if you will.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out a button. Then, once I clicked it, all of Postia’s expanded size began to violently vibrate.

Or rather, the package filling her out began to vibrate.

“I figure if you can keep such a vigorous, huge, lively package inside of you for long enough without issue, then that means you truly are the greatest mailbox in all of history,” I said, noticing that a puddle of drool was already forming atop the sand underneath her.

She probably looked pretty strange to anybody from a distance. It would be almost impossible to miss a giant, vibrating mailbox on the beach.

“Anyways, have fun, my lovely mailbox. Try not to break. But I’m sure such an upstanding mailbox such as yourself will be fine.”

It was subtle and pretty difficult to tell due to how much she was vibrating, but Postia did manage to nod her whole body by leaning forward a little.

Now, with Postia thoroughly fanserviced, it was time for my next target who once used to be an inanimate object.

Valkyria.

I went over to where Valkyria currently was, and that just so happened to be pretty far away from everybody else. She was sitting out in the water with her knees pulled up against her chest, the water just deep enough to cover her up about halfway.

“What are you doing out here by yourself?” I asked.

“A-ah! You—you surprised me,” Valkyria replied with a flustered expression on her face. “Goodness, how embarrassing. To make me make such a noise…”

“It was a cute noise.”

“I… am glad you think so. As for your question—well, it might be… a bit strange, but I was never able to traverse such terrain in my youth. Wet terrain, especially sandy or muddy, was near impossible for me to traverse without getting stuck. We always avoided it because of that. But with this body, I can easily free myself. I can enjoy this water and sand without fear of getting stuck thanks to that.”

“Makes sense.” I sat down next to her, digging myself down a bit into the ocean-covered sand underneath me.

“What—what are you doing? You’re going to get dirty!”

“Oh no, my swimming trunks are going to get sand on them. Maybe some seaweed. And if you’re worried about me getting dirty, why aren’t you worried about yourself?”

“Well… do not forget what I was—am. Being covered in filth was normal for me when on missions, especially when traveling through the forests after rain. Ah… there were so many moments of my crew getting frustrated because we got stuck in the mud. Everybody had such high expectations for us, but we made rather amateur mistakes quite often! We even flooded my engine once when we underestimated the depth of a river that we had no choice but to cross. But as horrible as the context for those days might have been… I still have many memories I fondly look back to with my crew. Even the ones where they nearly FUBAR’ed me. A-ah… wait, is that a term still known by today’s youth? FUBAR?”

“For some reason, hearing the proper and ladylike Valkyria use FUBAR is pretty funny. Then again, I guess you were an Army sort of girl.”

“And proud of it!”

“So, got any stories you want to share? Don’t have to be about the war, either.”

Valkyria tilted her head a bit and pointed a finger up at herself. “Stories? From me? I doubt I have anything interesting to share…”

I was spot-on with my analysis. Valkyria was, effectively, an old grandma. She was a woman full of stories, and old women loved to share stories from their youth. If anything, listening to an old woman ramble was one of the greatest forms of giving them fanservice in the world, and that applied to nearly every old woman in existence.

And the reason I knew I was right about Valkyria being the same was because I saw a sparkle in her eyes. She clearly looked like she wanted to tell me stories, but she thought I would be bored by them.

“I want to hear your stories. Anything,” I said. “I’d love to learn more about you.”

“Well… if you really say so, but please, let me know if you get bored! I know it can’t be that interesting listening to an old tank like me.” She looked almost as worried about being boring as she looked excited about sharing stories.

“I’ll let you know. I promise.”

That worry disappeared and the excitement was in full force. “About a decade after the war ended and the field I was in got demined, children often came to play in it, looking for old bullets, weapons, and so on. Naturally, they came to be obsessed with me as I was a nearly complete tank still sitting in the field. I was deemed harmless, and getting rid of me wasn’t a high priority, so the government allowed me to stay there. But back to the children, ah… I watched them grow up. They always came back to me over the years. Whenever they weren’t running around me and climbing all over me as children, they were visiting me as teens just to check up on me and to see if I was still there. When they moved away as adults, they often visited me whenever they returned home for visits, and they would tell me their stories. One fine gentleman even brought back his fiancée to me! He must have told her about the tank he used to play with as a child, so she was curious. Then, once she left to head back… he showed me the proposal ring he had waiting for her. Even though he had no idea that I was actually aware of everything around me, he still chose to share such a lovely moment of his life with me. Oh, I do hope that they’re happy now.”

“It’s great that you had some company like that over the years.”

“It is! Of course, that was a very quick summary of events, but you wanted to hear my stories, not stories of others, and to go into more detail would basically be telling you their lives instead. As for more stories that involved me… ah! You might be surprised to hear this, but my crew were utterly incapable of tolerating each other in the beginning. They constantly argued over everything. And in the beginning, when I was still fresh off the production line… well, I must admit, I was not exactly in the greatest shape. The quality checks done were very unsatisfactory, resulting in me breaking down all the time and causing endless issues for my crew. But because most of my issues were problems that could not be solved by just one person working on their own, they were forced to work together to get me operating properly again, and this brought them all together over time. The movie showed a bit of their initial disagreements, but it went very soft on portraying just how much they didn’t get along at first. But by the end, we were unbreakable sisters who would never leave one another behind!”

“It’s hard to imagine they fought that much given how tight you all were.”

“It would be impossible for me to imagine myself had I not been there for it firsthand. Ah… that reminds me. One night, soon after they started getting along, my treads came loose and it was too dark to repair me. Using any lights might have revealed our position to any scouts at a distance, and they were worried about that but also didn’t want to leave me behind, so they stayed in me and had to cuddle for warmth all night. It was so cute, goodness. Then, soon after they got cozied up to each other, they—”

The more Valkyria talked, the more she felt comfortable telling me more personal and slower stories about specific events, and she ended up telling me stories for… quite some time. For long enough that I had to slow down the rate of time for a bit so that she would have enough time to tell me every story that she could think of without me having to interrupt her.

I spent probably at least twelve hours listening to her stories, but no more than an hour of real time passed. But more importantly, no matter how much time was spent listening to her talking... she couldn't stop smiling. Well, that would be a lie. She did stop at some points when her stories hit a sad note, but they all ended with a triumphant smile and an eager desire to share her next story with me. I also figured she must have really wanted to talk given that she had to spend decades upon decades sitting in a field with no ability to communicate with anybody, so getting to talk until she was literally out of things to talk about was the greatest fanservice I could give her.

With both Valkyria having received her fanservice, there was only one more humanoid wife for me to give fanservice to, and that was Lavi.

But my plan for Lavi might have been the most elaborate out of all of them. It wasn’t more meaningful than anybody else’s fanservice, but it was definitely going to take the most effort to properly pull off.

And before I could even begin my fanservice plan for Lavi, I needed a pirate ship.