There were no stars in Hell. There were no celestial bodies. The sky was always the same twilight shade, colored only by gray ghost-streams winding between sagging coal clouds. At a distance it recalled rivers winding through mountain valleys, only flipped upside-down and drained of color.

In Hell the sky was the same everywhere. It said nothing as to where you were. For that you needed to know the land, and Dorian knew it well.

Sun darted alongside him, keeping close enough to cloak them both. Still the air treated them differently. He cleaved through it like a honed knife—it screeched in protest at his passing. It took no notice of her, like she hid from physics itself.

“We’re getting close,” said Dorian.

“How can you tell?” Sun glanced around, wrinkling her nose. “Looks about the same to me.” It was true. They’d been running an hour, and though the ground had turned soggy and thick with a strange orange moss it hadn’t changed much for hundreds of li.

“The smell.” Dorian sniffed. There was a sickly sweet odor on the air. He licked his lips. “The sap of the trees of theof the Damned is quite distinctive. It’s full of qi, too. It’s meant to be enticing.”

“How’s it taste?”

“Don’t even think about it. They’ve a symbiotic setup going on. They lure in the prey, the hordes of acid-spraying locusts nesting in their boughs descend. Then—once they’re done feeding—they pass the remains to the trees, which cheerfully swallow the victim whole, spit out the bones, and drop them into the swamp.”

Sun winced, paling a little. “Gotcha. So—“

“I’m not done. The bones drop past the crocodilian monsters, past fish bloated with enough poisons to end an Empyrean, past who knows how many schools of things with many fins and many more teeth—and, at some point, hit a bottom.”

She paled a few more shades. “…I see.”

“And then the bones are, by some arcane magic I know not, reanimated! They become living skeletons dripping with foreign toxins. Each bone becomes like a serpent’s fang. They rise back up from the depths, set foot on swampy land, and go about preying upon hapless Demigods unlucky enough to wander into their paths.”

Sun swallowed. “So… avoid the sap, touch no trees, skirt the swampy bits, cloak real hard, nab the Dao Fruit, and get out?”

“That’s the idea.” Dorian grinned. “Though I’ve only said about a tenth of what makes the Swamp dangerous. Most of the plants there want to eat you. Everything that isn’t a plant wants to eat you. Sometimes the ground wants to eat you. The mushrooms on the side of the trail will split open at a touch, reveal rows of shark teeth, and snap off your head.”

“Err. May I raise a small concern?” said Sun.

“Sure.”

“This all sounds very… chaotic.” She shuddered. “I’m more of a ‘sneak in, wait ’till the thing’s asleep and thwack it over the head kind of person. Worst case it wakes up and I outrun it. Clean and simple. This… um. Just how far in are these Dao Fruit, anyways?”

“Hundreds of li.”

“Hundreds—!” She gasped.

“And they shift locations. We’ll need to do some searching.”

“Something tells me this is will not be clean. Or simple.”

“You think right! Nothing worthwhile ever is.”

“Hmm.” She was silent for a good few minutes.

Then—“Say… do we need to get these Dao Fruit in particular? Won’t other fruit do?”

“Don’t be silly. In matters of Law there is no equal to the Dao Fruit. They boost not only the Law itself, but also Law comprehension. It’s priceless.”

“Right, right! It’s just that this sounds like it has an awfully good chance of us becoming those living skeletons.”

“Oh, please,” snorted Dorian. “Don’t be ridiculous. Come along! I’ve done this a thousand times before.”

“Well…” She still looked troubled. “What’s the plan?”

“You can’t plan for all the possibilities in that swamp! Trust your instincts. Go forth and conquer.”

She goggled at him. “So…run in and see what happens?”

“That isn’t quite how I’d put it.” Dorian scratched his chin. “It’s like this. If you want to get anywhere in the Multiverse, you need to cultivate a certain amount of ass-pulling ability. Do you know what I mean?”

“Uhh…”

“Things will only get worse from here. Jez isn’t only after me or you. He’ll swamp this whole realm soon enough. Only the resourceful will survive. Now is the time for daring.” He grinned. “You, little girl, happen to be in the company of the Multiverse’s foremost expert on ass-pulling! So shush. Follow along. It’ll all work out.”

“But—you just said—but the locusts! And mushrooms! And—and—see when you suggested coming here I was under the impression you had some sort of… I don’t know…trick! Some grand plan! Like a secret tunnel or something—something to get us in and out alive!”

“I do. The trick is called being me. I know that Swamp. I know how it ticks.” He sighed. “When I first met you I was a limbless stump. Now look at me. Have some faith! If we are to be a team, I’ll need you to trust me. Even if it doesn’t make sense.”

He looked her in the eyes. “Can you do that?’

A long pause. But he knew her answer. He’d gotten a decent read on who she was now. These were the words she needed to hear.

“…Okay,” said Sun, swallowing. She took a deep breath. She puffed out her cheeks. “Yes! Okay. I think—I think I just got a little spooked. If I had to go into the darned thing I’d probably scout it out a month prior and have a dozen knickknacks up my backpack for every Beast in there. But—err—obviously we don’t have that time. We’ll make do with what we have. M-hm. Yes!” Her lips firmed to a stubborn line. She looked like she was trying her best to convince herself, and nearly succeeding. “We’ve got this. We’ve got this!”

“Remember the fruits. They’re Dao Fruits, for Heavens’ sake. These things sell for thousands of high-grade Spirit Stones in the Kingdom of Ur! I’ve had but three plates in all my lives. One was so sweet it sent me into a blubbering coma.”

“How sweet?” Sun perked up. “Sweeter than holy nectar?”

“Holy nectar is pondscum compared to the Dao Fruit.”

“Really?”

Dorian rested a hand on her shoulder. “So what is it? Are you with me?”

She hesitated. Then she grinned. “Let’s nab us some Fruit!”

***

If the surface of hell resembled a great patch of very dry, infected skin from a bird’s eye view, the Swamp of the Damned was like an oozing, purple-green scab. A crusty mass of gnarled trees spread out over huge swathes of soggy ground. Bogs took up the rest of it—they were what oozed. No fish lived in them; they were far too toxic and viscous for that. The things that made the bogs their home hulked in the darkness.

Dorian and Sun stood at an entrance, which looked like the mouth of a cave, only it was framed by thick vines crawling over leaning trees. The trees here fat, not tall, and their dark trunks were so gnotted they looked ridden with tumors. Insect chirps drifted out the mouth. Then there was that sickly sweet sap scent, so strong now Dorian had to fight the urge to gag.

“I’ll go first,” said Dorian. “Stay close. Cloak when I say.”

Sun nodded.

They took a step toward the gloom.

Dorian stopped, stilled, frowned. Sun ran straight into him.

He grabbed her and dashed into the shallow undergrowth.

“Cloak!”

Bewildered, she did. “What—“ Dorian put a finger to his lips. He jerked his head at where they’d come.

A carriage rolled up the path, wheels so greased they hardly made a sound. It was embroidered gold and deep green—the colors of the Kingdom of Ur. The seal of the King of Ur was embossed on its side. It was pulled by a bored-looking minotaur radiating the aura of a God. And not a fresh one, either. This was a well-worn, wearied aura, dense and thick. This was a God whose laws were nearing Empyrean. He was an enormous creature, not an ounce of fat on him, and his skin was so thick and rugged it likely offered better protection than a suit of armor.

A reedy voice drifted out the carriage. “How much longer, Cornelius?”

“We’re here, your Highness,” sighed the minotaur.

“Are we? Really?” whined the voice. The door popped open and the most normal-looking man in the world stepped out. He had the sort of face that slipped out of your mind as soon as you saw it. He was not too short nor too tall. He was neither ugly nor handsome. His hair was vaguely brown, vaguely red. The only thing that marked him out was the tiara nestled on his head.

He blinked the sleep at his eyes. Then he gawped at the Swamp’s entrance.

“This is the home of the legendary Dao Fruits of Hell?” He murmured. “I must say, it doesn’t look like much.”

“Wait until you’re inside, Prince Iuno,” grunted the minotaur. He tapped the carriage, which shrunk into an Interspatial Ring on his finger. “In there lurk many more dangers than might appear at first sight. Stay alert. It is imperative that you stick close to me—do not wander!—and remember our objectives.”

“Yes.”

“Which are?”

“Um.” Prince Iuno yawned again. “Get a Fruit?”

“My prince,” said Cornelius with a sigh. “Forget the Fruits! Claiming that is a task neither you nor I is equipped to handle. That is a task that might trouble an Empyrean! Please—I beg of you, focus! Our task is to bring honor to your name. So that you may legitimize your standing as the Kingdom of Ur’s true heir.”

“Ah. Right.” Cornelius frowned.

“By doing what, exactly?”

His eyes crossed in concentration. It looked like he was trying to pinpoint the tip of his nose and couldn’t quite find it. He sneezed. Cornelius sighed. “Our task is to bring one of the Multiverse’s most infamous criminals to justice--and in so doing claim the bounty assigned to us by our mighty ally.”

“The Kingdom of Jez!” piped Iuno. He seemed quite proud he’d gotten one right. “The Kingdom of Jez, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” sighed Cornelius. “Very good, my prince. One million peak-grade Spirit Stones for the head of Dorian. The last Blood Probe showed him fleeing to this general vicinity.”

“Isn’t he meant to be a Godking?” Iuno’s brow furrowed. “I could swear mother used to tell me nursery rhymes about him. Mean little man, wasn’t he?”

“He’s a Godking no more—he’s much diminished, if our intelligence holds true. And you needn’t worry. I shall do the fighting.” Cornelius thumped his giant fists together. They looked like they could disintegrate boulders just by squeezing on them. “Your competition is not him. It is your brothers, who are riding here as we speak to catch Dorian first. It is other treasure hunters within foolish enough to try for the Dao Fruit. It is the forest, which is more than competent to kill all of us together.”

“Hm.” Iuno scratched his chin. “That all seems a rather rancid mess….and a great deal of work besides…”

The minotaur picked him up by the collar. “Courage, my Prince, courage!” Ignoring the Prince’s protests, he stalked into the forest.

A few minutes later Dorian and Sun emerged from the brush.

Sun stared at him. “One million peak-grade stones? Just what in Fate’s name did you do?!”

“Killed his family,” said Dorian with a shrug. “In my defense, it was an accident.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Well... Jez killed mine. And I might’ve hated the old fuck, but I did cry a little—well, a lot—when he died. So…hmph."

Together they marched into the Swamp.