There should be chaos. Over fifty people were just killed in an explosion of magic and violence. They saw me, who is only meant to have a fire affinity, transform multiple times with a speed and ease that not even a pure affinity can explain satisfactorily. They watched me recover from having my head removed. Bell rearranged the field and there’s no telling what other secrets the succubi revealed.

There should be chaos.

Instead, there is only silence. The crowd, unharmed despite the spells being thrown about, though I suppose the Victory knights are more than capable of defending themselves, may as well be statues. They are still and quiet despite the momentous conclusion of the March. They don’t even rise from their seats to get a better look at the carnage.

A few people have tight expressions or their hands over their mouths. Other hunters, those not committed to the March, I imagine. But they limit their reactions to frowns, furrowed brows, and a few dropped jaws. Forced to restrain themselves by the heavy air and quiet expectations of the moment.

It’s hard to tell the duke’s reaction under his helm. Despite her heavy cloak, I can tell Eleanor is tense, with good reason, and Kalise has let a few excited curses slip, but the lord of the north is unreadable as he steps into the middle of the Witness Circle.

“The March is concluded,” he announces. “The Tome clan is victorious, the fallen never to rise again. Yet, the war is not over after the blood is spilled. The dead must be collected and the spoils must be reaped. They may be outsiders but the hunters of Quest are not exempt from our traditions. A debt must always be paid. And Victory never forgets its debts.”

I would have thought the fight would cowl the eldest James son. That he wouldn’t have the audacity to draw more attention to himself. But he does. With my eyes on Alana while thinking tumultuous thoughts, I notice him as he takes a step forward and inhales deeply. This useless, stubborn, contemptuous idiot has the guts to speak up after this mess?

I’m too astonished to do anything but gape at him. Luckily, the members of my household haven’t completely abandoned our initial plan as before he can utter a word, Geneva is there, cutting him off with a hand on the back of his throat. Eleanor turns but she is stopped by Kalise extending her short sword. “I told you to stop trying to interfere.”

“Move, you animal,” the other woman snaps.

“Calm your frigid tits, ice princess. This is between the kittens. Look, the creature isn’t even hurting your boy. Just helping him keep his mouth shut, something you should have done.”

“I would watch my tone if I were you, swamp creature. With your children grown and gone, there is nothing stopping me from drowning you in whatever bog your people slithered out from.”

“Fecking ancestors, don’t get me excited mama cat. You know how long I’ve been wanting you to try? Or are you oiling me up for tonight? Getting adventurous in your later years? Our husband might collapse, bwahaha!”

“You disgust me.”

“Father.” Alana’s voice distracts me from the bickering wives. She isn’t smiling, she never smiles in the presence of her family and this tense situation wouldn’t be the exception, but there is an energy about her. An excitement. The glow of victory, made all the sweeter because of who she’s won against. She’s been waiting for this moment all her life.

I want to be happy for her. Really, I should be celebrating with her. I’ve earned more than she has today. Yet, for some reason, and for the first time, seeing her bright blue eyes is annoying me. “The Tome clan wishes to see to the collection of their spoils with me as overseer.”

“Then so be it. Know you have Victory behind you and bear the weight of the James name with your every action.”

“I understand.”

The duke dips his head in a solemn nod. “The fighting is done for today but the war continues. The blood of the fallen pleases the ancestors. Their blessing will be the strongest it’s been in years. We will push further than we ever have and we will make the hordes of the north fear us. Victory or death.”

As one, the spectators, minus the stunned hunters, stand and slam their fists to their chests twice. The duke turns and walks toward the entrance from whence we came. Pushing aside Kalise, Eleanor falls in right behind him, the chuckling barbarian jogging to catch up to her. After sparing a poisonous glance at the body of his bannerman, Zach, released from Geneva’s grip, swallows and follows them.

Then the chaos hits.

The knights leap down from their seats. A small group goes about cleaning, piling bodies and smoothing the field. The rest converge on us, the winners. The knights who crowd Kierra offer congratulations swiftly followed by inquiries about her abilities as a melder. Those around Geneva remark on the accuracy of her spells and ask about variables. The group around Alana are more polite and ask about her plans to collect her due.

Of course, I’m not exempt from the attention. Men and women in armor and fur surround me, offering congratulations. Asking me questions about my abilities. Questioning what spell allowed me to sprout the titanic limb that decimated several competent hunters instantly. Wondering about my affinities when it was rumored I only had one. Invitations to visit and outright join several orders.

Past their bulk and numbers, I meet Alana’s gaze. Her features are set in their usual stern mask but she offers me a small smile when she notices my attention. It quickly wilts as I turn away.

I push through the crowd of knights who thankfully have enough experience with powerful people and their tempers not to get in my way. With a few angry stomps, I leave the March, the madness, and my lovers behind.

-

“Lou?”

Sometime later, Alana finds me lying on her bed, brooding. Kierra enters behind her, stepping past the hesitant blond to lie on the bed. I roll off as she climbs onto the sheets. A slim brow rises at my action. “How rare for you to refuse a bed with me, dedia.”

“Don’t dedia me,” I hiss. I look between her and Alana, who is watching me warily as she leans against the door. Geneva and Bell aren’t here but I soon come to the conclusion that they’re out corralling the hunters. Letting them know that they’ve fallen under Alana’s purview, a privilege won with the blood of their comrades.

Thinking of her furthering her agendas while I lied in bed, angrily fretting over the repercussions of today, makes my lip curl. I almost bring my elementals back but no. I don’t want to hinder Alana but we are going to have a talk.

“You said they could surrender,” I say, deciding to start with my future wife. I’m sure if I want to express my grievances to Kierra, words are not going to be used much. “You said if they surrendered, they would live.”

“They were supposed to,” she says quickly. “If we broke their will to fight, Zach would have to intervene, I knew that. He could have asked for a symbolic end. A representative of the hunters would have needed to die to satisfy the ancestors and the others would have needed to swear oaths of fealty, to you, something we could have chosen not to enforce. That’s what he should have done. We win, earn a few favors, and Zach salvages a little of his reputation by cutting his losses.”

“That’s not what happened,” I bite out.

“How was I to know he would push forward like an idiot?! Both of you had already demonstrated your strength. He had to know victory wasn’t assured, even before you showed your secrets, and the hunters were already demoralized. He was supposed to retreat.”

“Because Victory has a history of making rational decisions and retreating in the face of overwhelming odds,” I say sarcastically. She scowls. Normally, I’d be quick to soothe her but my temper has hold of me.

“I was just as shocked as you, Lou.”

“Really? I couldn’t tell with you pushing right along with the fight.”

“He was the only one that could have stopped it! If I did, it would have made me look weak—"

“Weak?! Kierra made a man claw his own skin off. We have plans to be the first to conquer a piece of the north. In a month, this whole place will worship the ground you walk on and you’re telling me you went ahead with that bullshit because you thought you’d look weak?!”

She flinches from my words and some of my anger cools. “I just don’t understand, Alana. What happened to kicking down doors and punishing villains? Righting wrongs, regardless of the consequences? Are you going to tell me you don’t think what happened today wasn’t wrong? Or do the rules not apply when it comes to your family?”

“Why does this bother you so?” While Alana’s mouth moves without making sound, Kierra is the one who answers me. “Do not tell me you care for those fools. They made themselves prey. I know you were hesitant to reveal your claws but it is done now. And all shall see you for the glorious conqueror you are.”

My jaw flexes as I try to find the words that will break through the muscles on her brain. “Maybe wanting to keep my secrets was childish and unnecessary. Just like my previous fear of royals. Just like how I clung to my human form for so long, how I still cling to it when I could become exponentially stronger without it.” According to my succubi, at least. “But saints witness, for good or ill, they were mine. And you had no right to take them from me!”

The elf sits up, eyes narrowing. Good, it seems she understands how upset I am. “Why this, my love? I have always pushed you. We have fought but we have never warred. What about these prey has angered you so?”

I want to scream that it should be obvious. But, as her glare pins me in place, I calm down. I did a lot of thinking when I was on my own, also wondering why this event in particular bothers me so much. I take a deep breath before I start talking, feeling a faint twinge in my chest.

“For a long time, I was pathetic. Useless. I never thought I would accomplish anything. I would tell myself that it was because there was no point. If I had any talent, if I tried my best and did something of note, the Grimoires would have been there to smack me down. Grind my ambitions to dust. For most of my life, the best I could aspire to was popping out a few brats to carry on the Tome line and instilling in them the proper humility to ensure they survived without being eaten alive by the nobles of the kingdom.

“I’d given up by the time I found myself on the King’s Road that fateful day. But before that, when I was still young enough to believe in stories and heroes, I wished someone would save me. Would rescue me from my drab and dour life. I didn’t want to be spirited away into a lap of luxury. Even as a girl, I knew too much of the world to expect that. What I wanted was a chance. For someone to see something more in me. To give the slightest bit of a damn. That’s all.

“Then I became the powerful. I became the person whose words could decide fates. The one with the strength to walk wherever I please and do whatever I want. And those hunters? They’re me. The old, pathetic, pitiful me. I’m not a hero. Saints, not even I’m shameless enough to call myself a good person. But I wanted to be better. I wanted to be the one who gave the slightest bit of a damn and you, both of you, denied me that.

“You got what you wanted. And I love making you both happy. Live for it, really. I’m a begging, simpering puppy when it comes to you both and am very comfortable with that. But…dammit, you knew I was uncomfortable with this! You both knew it and you didn’t give a damn about me! Just like the rest of them!”

If I was my old self, I’d be panting for breath at the end of my rant. This body doesn’t strain itself so easily but my shoulders are tense and my face flushed with heat. The lingering silence grows heavier by the moment. Suddenly, I feel more exposed than I ever have, despite walking around without a stitch of clothing on multiple occasions. Their eyes are too much.

“I have to go.”

“Lou—"

“Let her go, little star.” Alana looks to Kierra. I can’t see the look they share but from how Alana’s expression rapidly shifts, it must be profound, a whole conversation spoken without words. Alana shifts to the side. The next moment, I am through the door, quickly stomping through the James manor.