After Action Report

Wow, it’s been a journey of learning and growing. I thought I’d leave my final Author’s Note as a separate chapter rather than at the bottom of the final chapter since I have a feeling it’ll be long.

I’d like to remind everyone that I wrote a detailed outline for this entire story well before I even published the first chapter. Because of that, I had no idea what fans would like, what they wouldn’t like, or even if this story would be enjoyable. I came up with this story simply because I felt the show majorly dropped the ball with the character of Xander. Also, because I’m a part of the Buffy subreddit and many fans of the show on that sub hate him more than actual murderers and rapists—which is just ridiculous.

I don’t remember who it was, but a famous author stated, “In the world of fiction, being annoying is more repulsive than being evil.” I feel like that’s what happened to Xander and that always annoyed me(to put it mildly). I have a soft spot for characters nobody thinks anything of, who then turn out to be heroes. Naruto, Harry Potter, Peter Parker, and Xander, to name a few, which is why I enjoy writing these characters.

Now that Chain of Ascension is complete, I thought I’d share where I believe I did well, where I did poorly, and a few general thoughts about the entire experience.

MY MISTAKES

(Of which there are many)

Mistake #1: At the top of the list, I think it has to be Buffy. I completely botched her character—not that I needed everyone to love her. But damn did she catch some hate. I get it. It’s not like the readers were wrong, but the main villain in this story was Xander’s internal inadequacies and how he was holding himself back. The external villains were the demons and Buffy’s friendzone affection for him. I think that’s what made it hard for readers to accept her more toxic behaviors in Xander’s life. My whole thing was that she wasn’t toxic. She was just making bad decisions because of her feelings for the wrong guy, namely Angel. Buffy simply loved him too much, and she couldn’t ever see herself being with anyone. When she lost him, she was so distraught, she would even sleep with a murderer like Spike.

Side note: I don’t hate how Spike and Buffy got together in the show. It was understandable given everything she went through. She didn’t even feel human anymore. What I absolutely can’t stand though, is this lingering desire by the show runners to continuously cram that relationship down our throats when it was so obvious those two would never work. That’s why I like the beginning of season 7, because it had nothing to do with Spike, and Buffy looked happy. Then Spike came along and brought more vomit-inducing shippers of them along with him. I get into so many arguments in the Buffy subreddit over this point.

Anyway, I feel I could’ve shortened the story down by removing either the parts where Buffy is using Spike to cope with her loss of Angel, or when she kisses Angel when he comes back from hell—both of which hurt Xander tremendously. However, I felt they were both important and should be in the story because Spike helps Xander get angry enough to stop simping over Buffy. And when Buffy chooses Angel over Xander, it adds more weight and meaning when she chooses Xander over Angel at the end. I’m sure I could’ve done this better, and maybe I would’ve if I had more time.

Mistake #2: The length of time Xander was in the loop. I picked a hundred years because that’s how long I thought it would take him to master everything the Ethan’s Halloween costumes taught him(Sherlock, Achilles, Casanova, and Eitri). Please keep in mind, I DID NOT want Xander to automatically learn every skill the costumes had, as if he downloaded all that practical knowledge into his brain like in The Matrix. I would see that as cheating; kinda like he didn’t take the initiative to learn that stuff on his own. With the way I wrote it, at least no one can say he didn’t take the time to learn it on his own.

Mistake #3: Cordelia. I truly did not expect fans to like her to the degree it appears they did. I mean, I love her and writing her was always fun, but maybe I should’ve made her less awesome. Due to the story ending the way it does, it wouldn’t make sense for Cordelia to be Xander’s girl at the end. It would make the reason why the Time Braid happened completely irrelevant. I should’ve shown more scenes where Xander and her have genuine arguments. Because I truly do believe that they would only be good together for 3 to 5 years. Differences in the beginning stages of a relationship can be cute, but after several years, that cute phase is gone, and you could break up for those very reasons. I once had a girlfriend who smacked while she ate(and she liked crunchy juicy stuff too). That wasn’t a big deal in the beginning. But after several months together, I couldn’t even eat around her THX-Surround-Sound eating. Xander and Cordelia had a lot of these little things, and I’m all but certain those things would’ve built up over years and likely ended the relationship.

Mistake #4: The length. This story is entirely too long. I don’t know how it is I can fit so many words in a story. I’m really trying to write simply, but it’s so difficult for me. I feel like I should’ve cut a lot, but I can’t even see where. This is something I definitely need to work on.

MY WINS

1) I completed a long-form story. It was not easy and took a lot of time. I feel great for finishing something.

2) I think this is some of my best dialogue and character building. I think I did a good job putting Xander through the wringer. Maybe it went on a little too long, but I feel it’s evident he grew and became better, which is what I wanted. I mean, he faced a damn demon dragon by himself and won. The Xander at the beginning(or in canon) would NEVER have been able to do that.

3) Meeting and talking to awesome Beta readers. They really helped me narrow down what I’m trying to say when I don’t know how to word it. So, thank you CrazyBubbles1693, JaresB, Oxnate, Deiticlast, and Chelanxar. I count working with you all as a big win.

WHY I WROTE THIS

I wanted to get this out because I absolutely hate what the showrunners of BtVS did. I felt like they cucked the audience/Xander fans. In the hero’s journey, a main character typically starts off one way, and through a series of trials and tribulations, they level up and become something more. Like Rocky says, “Nothing hits harder than life.” So, when a character becomes tougher than anything life can throw, it’s amazing for viewers to see. Now, I’m not saying that Xander was the main character of the show. Clearly Buffy is and should be. But there was an unsaid promise at the beginning of any story that the characters you see will evolve and become better. We saw that with Willow, obviously Buffy, Giles, Cordelia, definitely Spike, and Angel. We NEVER saw that change with Xander. Xander had the potential to be Buffy’s most suitable romantic partner if he leveled up and became competent. But he never did. We saw glimpses, sure, but then they always put him back in his “Comedic/Dumb Guy” box. I fully expected Xander to be Buffy’s guy at the end, and I was excited to see that journey.

What happened instead?

Dumb Showrunners: “Let’s fix this villain’s natural propensity to kill and be evil, and put him in a toxic and sexual relationship with Buffy instead.”

If you were a fan of Xander, watching Season 6 felt like getting cucked on a weekly basis. Spike was literally fucking (an invisible)Buffy in front of Xander. Like, what the fuck?! This violation of storytelling stuck with me for many years(clearly). I’ll add this. If the showrunners were telling me that Spike was going to be the guy for Buffy from the beginning, fine. I definitely would’ve stopped watching the show, but at least I know the direction. But what they did felt like the rug was pulled from under me. That Spuffy shit came out of nowhere! All the while I’m hoping season 6 will stop, but it never did. Then in season 7, Buffy and Spike are treated as if they just had a minor breakup, and they truly loved each other. Again, what the actual fuck?

Since I couldn’t meet a showrunner of BtVS and tell them how horribly they hurt my storytelling soul with their inane story decisions, I came up with this fic as a bit of therapy. I want to close the book on those toxic feelings. Not that I still don’t see it in media today: Rey and Kylo Ren(Star Wars), Gwen Stacy and Norman Osbourne(Spider-Man Comics), Lana and Lex(Smallville), Clark and Bellamy(The 100). Never seen Vampire Diaries, but my sister would add Elena and Damon. And to be clear, there’s a difference between a story that shows how a bad guy/girl and a good guy/girl get together from the beginning. I’m fine with those. They are clearly demonstrating who the players on the board are, and how they might get together. But in BtVS, Spuffy is like if Belle got together with Gaston at the end of Beauty and the Beast instead of the Beast. Or Hermione got together with Draco at the end of Harry Potter. Or Princess Peach with Bowser. If you say no to all those examples, then you should understand why I vehemently oppose Spuffy.

But removing Spuffy from the equation, I still hate how the showrunners did NOTHING with Xander. I hate it. Buffy was my favorite show in high school. It’s the thing I loved to watch on TV because we were poor and couldn’t afford cable. Xander saved Buffy’s life in the first season. Something Angel couldn’t even do. And I seriously thought Xander was going to level up after the Zeppo episode. But the fourth season came and went with minor changes. Same with the 5th season. With the 6th season, it feels like he went backward. And in the 7th season, he was either a glorified extra or a security blanket. If Xander was a side character, that level of interaction would be acceptable. But he’s been a principal character since the first episode. He should’ve had as much—if not MORE—character development as Spike. In my opinion, this is the biggest sin of the show: squandering the potential of a main character. The show runners told the actor that they weren’t going to do anything more with him after the 3rd season. They even told the actor to stop working out so that he didn’t outstage the other romantic potentials. It’s wrong, and if I ever meet a showrunner for BtVS who supported this idiotic decision, I’d happily tell them the show was canceled because they’re horrible storytellers.

For those who’d like to toss a coin to your writer…

Cash App: $GraeFoxx

Anyway, that’s all I got. Thank you all for taking this journey with me, for giving my fic a chance, for sticking with it even if there were aspects you didn’t like or couldn’t stand. Have a great one,

--Grae

PS. On to The Last Prayer.