Gazing at the pond from the porch of the small temple, I gradually slid into a leisurely pose with my legs bent, my arms resting on the top of my knees, my head slightly tilted, my eyes rapt in thought.

The shadow that had sheltered my body before had long gone and I made no effort to move. My legs and my arms felt like superfluous appendixes of my body, and the discomfort from the heat felt external, like it wasn’t mine.

Even when the sun pressed mercilessly on my left cheek, swollen from the hook I received earlier during my sparring session, or on my right thigh, which had been kicked to blue, I didn’t care.

An hour ago I felt disappointment, anger followed, then a mild confusion settled in my mind, and by now, I had transitioned into apathy.

Somebody arrived and stopped near the temple behind me, outside my field of vision.

“Nik san, I thought I might find you here.”

I didn’t look, my shoulders answered with a shrug.

“You’re still in your training shorts… and your hands are wrapped.”

I glanced at my hands, red bandages tied around them. Funny, I didn’t realize I still had them on.

“The sun’s gonna burn you, why don’t you move over there, in the shadow?”

My silence brought her before me. She threw me a shirt and sat on the edge of the porch, making a shadow with her hand in front of her face, even though sunglasses sheltered her eyes.

“Nik san, I think we need to talk.”

I pulled the shirt over my head and assumed my previous pose. My shoulders shrugged again. “What is there to talk…you saw—“

“Yes, I saw…” she interjected. “I saw how dominant you were in the first two rounds, and how you suddenly cringed by the end of the third, just as you needed to finish him. Clearly, you could have. Easily…So tell me, what happened?”

I clicked my tongue.

“What happened, Nik san? Why the fuck didn’t you put that kid to sleep?”

Her sharp voice drew my stare. I saw my miserable face in her black sunglasses.

“I …I was afraid.”

“Of him?”

My head shook in one slow movement. “Of myself.”

“This has to do with what happened to Wyshnewski, doesn’t it? I thought you were past that. What did happen then?”

What did happen then indeed…

She puffed air out of her mouth. “Didn’t you beg me last time to join the Grand Prix?”

“You’re mocking me now,” I stated blandly.

“I’m not. I’m considering it.”

“After my today’s performance?”

“If you wanted, you could have annihilated your opponent. That’s what I think. But you held back. And I want to know the reason for that.”

I snorted. “Of course, I held back. I didn’t want to black out…to become that….” My voice regained some emotional charge.

“What?”

“That beast…That’s not me…. I can’t fight if I have no control over my own mind.”

“But you controlled yourself today, though, that’s why--“

“No!” I shook my head vehemently, casting my stare at the wooden floor between my kegs. “I just stopped fighting. If I continued…the result would be probably the same like with the Pole …“

“Mmm…”

When I looked up she was turned towards the pond. Her back was split in half by a shadow that fell over her. The reoccurring dream about her came to my mind.

“Well then,” she continued after a while, turning her face at me. “Let’s try again!” Her voice was filled with sudden enthusiasm unbefitting the mood.

“Try what?”

She sprung to her feet. “Wait here!”

I looked after her as she ran off, unable to fathom what was on her mind. A cloud covered the sun, sparing me from the heat I endured so far. The beauty of the glistening pond brought the image of Mayumi. Her alluring eyes, her silky hair, her gentle, flowery scent…I longed to see her again, to be with her. But even if that was somehow possible, I had nothing to offer her. My ambitious plan to rise to the top seemed now further than ever. She probably forgot me by now… just another baka gaijin.

K’s return disrupted my self-deprecating musings. She approached me with two wooden swords in her hands.

“No…I’m not doing this again. Not now.”

“Fight me, same rules like last time.”

“Fuck you, K.”

“If you don’t do it or you give up at any time during our fight, you and I are finished and it will be the end of the road for you at Yamato Damashi.”

I snorted, averting my stare. “Not funny.”

“I’m not joking.”

“You are joking,” I stated, pronouncing each word separately.

Closing her eyes she shook her head slowly.

“What the fuck, K!”

“Take it….” She pushed one sword at me. “Take it!”

My mind was going wild. To fight her in my current state…under the threat of losing my place at Yamato Damashi….it was insane.

“What use do I have of a fighter that is afraid to fight?”

It was a stab, the blade piercing my soul and cutting deeply. After everything I admitted to her…exposing myself like that…. Once again I was reminded of K that gave orders to beat me in Tenko without blinking an eye.

I scoffed and grabbed the sword, my thoughts evident in my resentful glare.

“You understand, I can kill you,” I said under my breath.

Disregarding my words, she charged at me at once. No explanations this time, just a painful hit right away. I tried to protect, but my inferior handling of the wooden sword as nothing more than a helpful stick, could do little against her superb swordsmanship.

She was so damn slippery and precise, her speed and timing beyond my comprehension. Every time she hit me, it hurt. A lot. And on the places that were still sore from sparring, on purpose and multiple times. Warmth came over my face. Blood.

As her attacks kept coming, my agitation grew, feeding off the pain. All I was thinking was that I needed to stand my ground, or everything would end for me.

Twilight fell, cicadas became louder. I heard a splash as we stumbled toward the pond. The koi fish too became restless.

The more pain I felt, the calmer I became. My mind settled in a cold focus, while her eyes acquired more fire with each attack. There was no mercy in her attacks, none whatsoever.

I sensed it, from the pit of my stomach, a muttered snarl. It took less time than usual. An explosion of energy spread through my veins, any tiredness I felt was gone. My muscles burst with renewed strength.

I think my mouth sneered uncontrollably, my eyes relaxed, my eyelids dropped halfway. A sort of exuberance came over me. I licked the blood that dripped from my broken arcade onto my lips. Its taste gave me a tingling sensation. The beast was feasting and I was slipping away like sand in an hourglass. I started moving back, away from her.

“Stop…” I warned her.

She pursued. Her sword hit me across my face. More blood.

Discarding any thoughts of defence, I entered this pure, instinctive state, and all I wanted was for her to attack more. So I growled out loud, startling the little that was left of me.

K’s eyes widened, her pupils took over the green of her irises and a mad smirk danced on her lips. She revelled in all this just as much.

She came at me with a scream, and I welcomed her.

There was a clash, and the next thing I knew she was in the pond. I leaped after her, pinning her down with my body. When she tried to lift her head I punched her in the face. Her hands were grasping at my arms, her face barely above the water.

All I could see was her eyes widening, straining. Then, they were under the water. Her legs, her torso, were all moving, wiggling like a snake.

“Nik!” I heard her scream in between splashes of water, her nails digging into my skin. Her neck was so thin and so easy to grasp, only one hand would suffice.

As if a cloud crossed the sky just above the pond, the water around me turned a shade darker. But it wasn’t the cloud, the darkness expanded from inside the pond. It began spreading over her blurred body, slowing down its movement.

Am I dreaming?

“Ni—“

I watched it, mesmerized by it. No more splashes, no more resistance. The dark mist pacified the body. The bandage on my hand got untied under the water. It floated away from K’s neck like a beautiful red ribbon. I relished the moment, I laughed. Then, I saw her face…her green eyes dull and without fire. I perceived her helplessness. She needs me!

I began to feel my arms, my legs, the immense strength that was in me. I became aware of all of it at once as if I was gone and now I came back.

K!

My arms were holding her below the surface. Promptly, I lifted her and carried her out on the bank. She was limp, her face drained of colour, her eyes lifeless. I began pressing on her chest, giving mouth-to-mouth.

She coughed, rolled away from me on her hip, and spit out water. I watched her, kneeling beside her, unable to say anything.

Gradually, her gasps transitioned into normal breathing. She sat, leaning back on her arms, water dripping from her clothes and hair. Her face was still very white.

“Nik san…” Her voice was hoarse and lacking power. When I didn’t reply, her eyes riveted on mine. Their green irises were prominent against the whiteness of her skin.

“Are you ok?” I managed to utter, struggling with feelings of guilt and shame.

“Sugeeee!” she yelled out, as if somebody injected her with an energy boost, then added with more control; “ I’m great.”

“Am I… going mad, K?”

She stroked the swollen side of her face. A manic smile showed on her mouth. “Nik san…We are going to Kyoto!”