As we trailed behind S'Rista, my mind began to churn with the complexity of the portal transportation network. I was always someone to question systems—usually man-made ones, but mostly to consider if there was a way to cheat or bust ‘em to pieces. I suppose it was the natural saboteur in me, always trying to find another way around.

S’Rista explained that we would be going to one of two chambers they had. Ours was for what boiled down to inter-country transport, while the other was designed for international travel. That was a really neat prospect. I wondered how many different area codes the things could hit up—and started envisioning an idea for a movie about a bachelor party gone wrong after several hilarious drunken missteps. But…then I realized that I was just mildly altering the plot to The Hangover franchise, and promptly banished the thoughts from my cliched brain.

After several twists and turns through the grandeur of Yosper Hall, we arrived at a massive room. I loudly and unabashedly guffawed at the sight that greeted me within. A motherfucking enormous, shimmering sky-blue portal stood as its centerpiece, casting a glow that bounced off the marble floor. My eyes widened at the sight. It was one thing to hear about them, but, motherfucking goddamn shit, seeing a portal in action was another thing entirely.

Surrounding it was a long line of people of myriad Races…or, species, or whatever—all waiting patiently for their turn like they were buying Taylor Swift tickets. I found myself inspecting the faces in line, noticing the anticipation, anxiety, or excitement that varied from person to person. On the other side was an irregular stream of folks departing—likely returning from wherever the fuck they’d been on vacation or whatever.

Flanking the portal were two individuals who immediately caught my attention. Both were of non-human races—one rabbit-like and the other looking sort of like a tall, beefy box elder bug, dressed in long, billowing robes that were indicative of the Mage's Order. They were carrying out their duties with a solemn sense of professionalism, checking what looked like IDs, then guiding the people through the portal.

I watched as an elvish-looking man stepped forward, presenting his identification. One of the mages checked it, nodded, then whispered an incantation. As the man walked through, the color of the portal fluctuated, changing from its serene blue to a pulsating violet.

"So…I see the colors changing each time someone steps through," I said, turning to S'Rista. "Is it, like, switching channels?"

She laughed, the sound tinkling pleasantly in the massive chamber.

"If I understand what you mean, yes. Different areas within the Kingdom of Arlo are color-coded based on their portal exit point. The color changes reflect the destination."

Intrigued, I watched a few more pass through the portal. The colors shifted and flowed—gold, crimson, jade, and so on. Each departure created a mesmerizing light show. A different kind of magic than I was used to, but magic all the same.

The others were equally taken in by the spectacle, though I could see impatience starting to itch at Dragoon. I was coming to learn he was more mission-focused than the rest of us. Probably why Saban had suggested he tag along. Which…was probably the smartest thing. As for Rexen, he seemed overly excited, his ghostly form glowing more vibrantly than before.

"Remarkable," he commented, gazing at the portal. "There have been such advances since I was last let out to roam! The world is so much smaller!"

"Indeed," S'Rista replied, a proud smile gracing her features. "And soon, you'll experience it firsthand. Now, off you go.”

“Wait…” I said. “Don’t we need some sort of identification or something? All these folks are doin’ it.”

“Oh, do not worry on that front,” S’Rista said, waving the words away. “They are using their transportation tokens. You won’t need that.”

“Like a bus pass?” I asked.

“That is so cool!” Rua exclaimed.

“Public transport isn’t cool, Rua. God, you’re such a fucking nerd.”

“I think it’s exceptional,” Veruca butted in. “Public transportation is an essential and vital necessity to many; important in ecological responsibility, opportunity, and equal access. It promotes not merely physical connections but social ones as well, stitching individuals and communities together in shared experiences and collective progression.”

“Yeah, but…it’s fucking magic,” I said in disbelief. “Plus—and don’t get me wrong—I’m not knockin’...accessibility or whatever. But, to my extremely salient and handsome point, necessities aren’t cool. They’re, by their nature, a fuckin’ snooze fest. I mean, I don’t see anyone losing their shit about water.”

“Loon, you should drink more water,” Rua said.

“You should hydrate more frequently,” Veruca agreed.

“Drink more water, pupil!” Rexen said. “You need to drink for two, since I can’t!”

“What the hell? Is this an adventure party or an intervention? Why’s everybody suddenly monitoring my drinking habits?”

“If you had any drinking habits, that would be one thing,” Dragoon said. “But, you don’t. I’ve barely seen you hydrate since we left New Home. They’re right. Drink more water, friend.”

“Fuckin’…huh?” I wondered. “You guys are nuts—I’ve got a whole skin full of the stuff right here!”

I patted my still mostly-full little sheep bladder canteen at my side.

“Case in point,” Rua muttered.

“Alright, e’rbody shut up! We are wildly off topic. Sister! Why don’t we need to worry about the tokens?”

“Your friends have already taken care of that,” she said. “Garth and Hadowar ensured your passage to and from Palandis and we have made the arrangements on your behalf.”

“Damn, those are some true-blue homies,” I said. “Well, alright, I guess. So, do we have to hop into the queue or can we skip the line since we’re on the express lane to important shit?”

“You will be required to wait along with the others,” S’Rista said, a knowing grin on her face. “But it should not take long.”

“Aww, man!” I groaned. “This is just like regular public transport. This blows.”

S’Rista merely offered a smile and then a nod, walking away from us and leaving our group to the grim and neigh-on insurmountable task of waiting in line.

I watched her leave and sighed.

“Well, let’s hop to it,” I said, shaking my head and turning to the others, but to my extreme displeasure, I noticed they’d already abandoned me and were standing in line. Worse was, while I’d been distracted, four other people had joined the queue acting as a buffer between me and my crew.

“Shit!” I shouted, and stumbled forward, joining the line with everyone else. I noticed that the people in front of me kept throwing concerned looks behind them like I was going to suddenly eat them or something. Meanwhile, Rua, Dragoon, Veruca, and even Rexen and the roe were clustered in their own little jumble, talking in low voices.

“Hey!” I called. “Hey, guys! What’re you talking about?”

They didn’t respond. Instead, Rua said something that made Veruca laugh, and I saw a grin poke at the corner of Dragoon’s lips.

Oh hell the fuck no they don’t!

“Seriously!” I shouted. “Guys! Not cool. What’s so funny! I like jokes too, you know!”

The lady directly in front of me, some kind of gnome or something, had the gall to turn around and shush me.

“Oh, excuse me,” I said indignantly. “But you kinda cut in front of me—not that you care, but you’re awfully salty about me being loud when it—”

“Shh!” The woman said again.

Easy, I thought to myself. Don’t let her get your goat. She’s probably just on her way to some magical doctor to have that iceberg removed from her attitude.

Instead of engaging with the tiny asshole of a woman, I mentally reached out to the roe.

Hey buddies, you want to hang back with me? This is where all the cool people are.

I saw Slappy look at me out of the corner of his eye, but otherwise they fucking ignored me too.

Oh, you guys are so grounded! I think-said.

Well, that sucked. It was true in every level of existence: no matter how enticing or threatening your other options were, nobody wanted to lose their spot in a line.

So, without any other choice, like a good and productive member of society, I waited. And waited. And waited some more.

After a good twenty minutes, Dragoon—who was first in the line of my companions—finally reached the front. He said something to the box elder and then I watched as the mage held out a hand, counting out the people in my group—except for me.

“Yo!” I shouted. “I’m with them!”

“Shhh!” Shushy McShusherson shushed again.

“Oh, shush yourself you tiny little hag!” I thundered.

Then, as I watched, Dragoon slipped into the portal, which flashed an ethereal silver color, and was gone. Anxiety of being Kevin McCallistered drove me to mutter a few choice curse words and then I pushed my way forward.

“Hey!” Some kind of a big wolfman growled at me as I knocked him aside. “No cutting!”

“Fuck you!” I shouted into his face, pointing at the portal. “My party posse is ahead of you, and I’ve had to endure your wife’s ‘tude for long enough—I should get an award for patience, honestly.”

“What?” The man shot back. “She’s not my wife!”

“Fine—your mistress, then,” I said, continuing forward. “Whatever. Just let me—”

“No! Cutting!” He shouted again, and grabbed at my arm.

“Get your hands off me, fucker,” I shouted. “Or I’m gonna punch those fangs down your throat.”

“Pardon?” Said another guy in front of me, who looked like he was maybe part man and part brick, his hand on a sword belted at his hip. “I suggest you wait your turn, knave. This is a polite and civilized queue and I’ll not have the integrity ruined.”

Ah, Jesus fuck, here we go.

“I’m going to tell you right now, Lancelot,” I warned. “You try using that little knife on me and there’s gonna be some fuckin’ problems.”

“For you, I imagine,” he retorted calmly. “Mostly with keeping your life blood inside your body.”

“Listen,” I said. “I’m about two seconds away from—aww, horseshit!”

I was in the middle of the group, but my entire entourage was nowhere to be seen. While I’d been loudly and heroically arguing with a group of citizens, they’d gone and went through the portal.

Wait, how the fuck had Rexen—

I didn’t have time to even finish my thought because a violent force suddenly seized me, pulling me forward like a kite caught in an angry gust. My feet lifted off the ground, my heart hammering against my chest as I soared through the air. Directly toward the portal.

“Gahhhhh!” I roared.

Just when I thought I was going to collide with the shimmering arcane gate, my flight came to an abrupt halt. I hung there, suspended in mid-air like a marionette with its strings jerked taut. Below me, the faces of the crowd twisted in fear and confusion, their mouths opening and closing in silent screams. But above the cacophony of panic, I could hear the booming voices of the mages.

"Cease your actions, you hooligan!" the bunny mage barked, levitating in front of me with his hands outstretched. His eyes blazed with a fury that was as tangible as the Arcana emanating from his fingertips. "You are attempting unauthorized passage! This is a clear violation of Interrealm Transit Ordinance three-point-four-five!"

"I...I'm not trying to, ya Buster Baxter-lookin’ motherfucker!" I stammered, my mind racing to make sense of the situation. But before I could form a coherent response, a sharp pain exploded in my gut, so intense that my vision blurred. It felt as though a creature was clawing its way out from inside me.

A realization flooded my mind.

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!

The effigy. Rexen’s effigy. The eight-inch bullshit figurine of a wizard's tower I'd swallowed was on the move. It was in the process of being yanked by the pull of the portal, trying to follow Rexen as he had already crossed through the magical gateway.

"No, no, no, no, no!" I managed to gasp, my hand clutching my stomach in a futile attempt to contain the pain. "Let me go! I need to fuckin’ pass through!"

"You shall not proceed without proper tokenage!" the second mage chimed in, his insectoid voice as unyielding as stone. His stern gaze was fixed on me, completely oblivious to the chaos that was unraveling. "Interrealm Transit Ordinance four-point one-six dictates a strict procedure with—."

“I don’t give a rip about the goddamn ordinance! I’m gonna get torn in half!”

But my pleas and their legal recitations were drowned out by the horrifying spectacle that followed. With a sickening tearing sound, the effigy suddenly and violently burst from my stomach. A shower of blood and guts erupted from me, painting the air with a horrifying scarlet mist. The crowd's screams reached a fever pitch, their fear echoing my own.

The bunny mage—the one who had been holding me suspended—blanched at the sight. His face went blank and he suddenly fainted. Then he toppled from where he’d been floating in the air and crashed to the marble, unconscious. His sudden collapse was followed by an equally abrupt plummet of my Health bar. I stared in equal parts horror and abject confusion as I watched my actual lifeblood was indeed having trouble staying inside my body. Each heartbeat was weaker than the last, each breath shallower. The world around me began to fade, the edges of my vision turning inky black.

But the portal…it seemed to glow even brighter, pulsating like a beacon amidst the chaos. And then, as though the strings holding me were cut, I was free-falling, barreling towards the portal with the unyielding force of gravity.

As the darkness threatened to claim me, my world narrowed and I felt myself smash into the gateway. However, the last thing I saw before I faded into the realm of black was the color of the portal. When Dragoon had crossed, it had been a shining, illuminated silver. Now, when I entered, it was red.