Emily, Sils'chk, Planting Season, 5th rot., night of the 5th day to the morning of the 6th

I was asleep when Tom returned. His snoring woke me up sometime deep in the night. I couldn't get back to sleep, so I got up, got dressed, and went walking. The Belt of Kess, the Erdos equivalent of the Milky Way, hung above my head and lit up the darkness above. I found myself at the southside landing, where the crabbing coracles were pulled up on the shingle beach.

On a whim, I grabbed a paddle and launched a coracle into the slough. I mindlessly poked up and down channels and sloughs, using the copious starlight to guide me. I was sleepy by the time dawn approached with its smudge of lighter blue on the horizon. I discovered that I was now lost. I thought I had memorized how I had come so I could return to Sils'chk. When I tried to return, I failed to find the big slough that ran past the southside landing. I discovered I couldn't even see the top of the hill on Sils'chk in the early morning light.

Getting lost did little to improve my profound state of funk. I couldn't even go for a little alone time without screwing up. I knew I had done a good job of helping the Chem as Vassu asked, and I was miserable over it. Was I being too idealistic or too naive? I didn't think I was either of those things, but if I was not, then why was I so upset? Everyone else seemed to accept the corruption of the Chem as a desirable thing.

I could see smoke from cookfires in the distance. I picked up my paddle and decided to find the village attached to that smoke. Someone there could give me directions back to Sils'chk.

The errant thought popped up that I could keep paddling down the west channel of the Stem River, out to the coast, and then northwest back to Inkalem. From there, I could walk back to my valley and scout out a new location to build a home. I had my eye on the spot where the toe of the ridge met the top of the alluvial fan. The site was uphill but only a short walking distance from the rebuilt baths at the hot springs. I could hide out there, build a new home, and then see if Tom was still interested in starting a family with me.

Tom and I had yet to discuss our argument the night before. This was not good. I didn't know what he was thinking, though based on what he had said yesterday, I suspected he was not coping well with my status compared to his.

Such irony. Tom shouldn't feel lacking because the gods dumped prophethood on me. He had no idea how much I envied him and his many ties to other Coyn. The Cosm has placed me at the pinnacle of their society in Foskos and isolated me from other Coyn by doing so. While I had come to love my handful of Cosm friends, I was lonely for the company of people on my own scale. Maybe Tom had a viable point that I needed to involve myself with my own people more. I had often thought the same thing, which is why I tried to get out more in Abyhas after returning home from Truvos. But did I really need to disengage from my Cosm friends to do so?

My paddling faltered mid-stroke when I realized that, other than Tom, I had no Coyn friends. I had no sense of connection to the Coyn of Foskos. I had walked away from the nightmare of being a Coyn slave in Foskos and had turned my back on my fellow Coyn by doing so. My sense of loneliness at that moment was the worst I had ever felt.

I knew I was unique on Erdos. Even though there were four reincarnated persons, including me, there could be only one prophet. No one understood how I felt. I know Tom was trying, but his empathy felt lacking.

Even if I had someone to share my misery with, would they ever comprehend how alone I was? Who could know how painful the tasks were that the gods had foisted on me? Running around with Galt, Erhonsay, and Vassu last year had been kinda fun. Still, the destruction of Salicet had taken an enormous bite out of my soul, and the corruption of the Chem had made it worse.

I had to acknowledge that I had a knot of anger inside me. It was the resentment I still felt toward the gods for having done this to me. I had fulfilled their requests from a year and a half ago, the ones that only I could achieve. Why did I need to do these extra chores, like going with the invasion fleet, which did not require my unique abilities or knowledge? The war would be won without me. Aylem could destroy the crystal at the Fated Shrine without me. Someone could even blow up the damn bridge at No'ank without me.

I floated and recalled the view of my four mountains across from my cavern. I loved that view, and I missed it. I wished I was sitting in my hot spring pool just then, looking across the valley, contemplating whether to have fish or elk for dinner. I missed my former simple life.

I was ready to take the paddle just then and escape down the west channel of the Stem to the sea, assuming I could find it. I knew I should sit down and have a serious talk, not an argument, with Tom, but the mental fatigue of two years of prophethood weighed down on me. The paddle was so heavy metaphorically that it was a struggle for me to head back instead of just taking off.

I was ready to seek out the west channel of the Stem when the paddle floated out of my hands. Then I floated out of the coracle and up into Kamagishi's arms.

"Lost your way?" Kamagishi smiled at me.

"In more ways than you can know," I said without thinking. I was annoyed at her interruption of my funk. It seemed like I couldn't escape my Cosm and divine captors even outside of Foskos. Was it impossible to escape?

Kamagishi was suddenly serious. "Galt is worried about you."

"Damn meddlesome tom cat," I snarled. I liked Galt, but I disliked the feeling that I had no privacy, no agency of my own, and no freedom. Maybe I needed to block the gods from my mind again like I had done after the attack at Black Falls. Would blocking them out change my chances of escaping from impossible to plausible?

I listened to Kamagishi gasp at my swearing at Galt. I knew in my head that the Cosm fear of the gods was a physical reaction and it annoyed me. Didn't that programmed fear prevent acts of free will by the Cosm? Maybe that was the point.

"Can I make a suggestion, grumpy one?" Kamagishi asked.

"Can I stop you?" I snipped. She was right about my being grumpy. The lack of sleep and the empty stomach didn't help.

"I think you would do better if we left for the wedding a few days early," Kamagishi said as she flew back to Sils'chk, which I could now see since we were high enough.

"Why?"

"To give you some more time to relax," Kamagishi frowned at me. "It will also allow you to see people for more than your original day and a half in Pinisla. You're a big bundle of unhappiness right now. You need a break. Some extra days should help."

"As much as I'd like to argue with you," I sighed, "what you've suggested is reasonable. When do you propose leaving?"

"Right now, if I could," she glanced at the coracle and paddle, which were now floating and following us. "Where did you get that little round boat? That looks like fun. Too bad it's too small to hold me."

"There's a small collection of coracles at the southside landing on Sils'chk. I couldn't sleep, so I went for a walk, which turned into a paddle. I'm frustrated that I got lost. I never get lost, Kamagishi."

"So, you're saying your vanity has been wounded?" she teased.

"Please don't tease me right now, Kamagishi," I grimaced. She gave me a worried look. She didn't need to. I wasn't that bad off, was I?

"Yes, we'll leave today, if possible," Kamigishi resolved. "Do you have something yellow and upscale to wear with you?"

"There's a yellow gown in my clothes chest in my bedroom in Aybhas," I remarked. "We can swing by and pick it up. I take it there's no decent hall for a handfasting in Pinisla?"

"No, the wedding will be in Truvos. The hall isn't finished, and there aren't enough people living in Pinisla to handle the large number of guests, so my brother is hosting it. Besides, Otty is the last of the young haup Truvos kids to get wed, so my brother is planning quite an affair. It's his last chance to throw a better party than Katsa haup Gunndit since she still has two more to marry off."

"Your brother and Lord Gunndit are amusing," I remarked.

"He discovered tree syrup. He and Katsa are now racing to introduce the new product first. Did you know tree syrup can be used to make a type of tree-flavored sugar?"

"I did."

"Well, that will disappoint Ayulkos, my brother's wife. She's the one who discovered that you can make a form of sugar from the syrup. She thought it was her original invention."

"You don't have to tell her I know how to make maple sugar," I suggested.

"Maybe, maybe not," she sighed. "Is there anything else you can make with tree sap?"

"Depends on the tree."

"Depends on the tree? Why do I suddenly feel like I should land and start taking notes, dear heart?"

"Oh, blarg. Not again."

"Wow, my very own Emily moment," Kamagishi grinned.

"Just stop, you overgrown brain suck," I groaned.

"So what else can you use the sap for? And what other trees can be used?"

"Are you spying for your brother Sopno so he can out-compete Lord Katsa?"

"Maybe," she purred.

"Alright, let's make a deal," I groused. "I can do a knowledge dump for Lord Sopno haup Truvos, but when we get to Truvos, I don't want any special chairs and cloth of gold nonsense. And I will sleep in one of the guest quarters upstairs at the Surd Hall, in a Coyn-size room, sleeping in a Coyn-sized bed."

"You can't, Emily," Kamagishi really reacted. The look of horror on her face was a work of art. "You can't sleep with common slaves. You're a revelator and a prophet. It's unacceptable for you to sleep on a cheap straw pad on the floor in one of those tiny rooms and use a public necessary. No, you can't. No, no, no!"

"If the Coyn Master Artificer Aduda visited Truvos, where would he sleep?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"At the Surd Hall." Kamagishi was losing this argument, and she didn't like losing. I could hear Kamagishi grind her teeth, which was impressive. "Dammit."

For some reason, the exchange with Kamagishi left me feeling better. Surely, I could get some leverage from maple vinegar and acerum; however, it would need to be soon since the Cosm exploring tree saps as a product would figure out just how easy it was to ferment maple sap. But I still had hickory bark syrup and birch saps I could introduce. It had been a lifetime since I had had birch beer. I pondered if Lisaykos would be upset with me to barter such commodities away. Maybe I should consult with her first, but then I realized she would react just like Kamagishi to my thought of staying at the Surd Hall. Perhaps I should just take Kayseo's advice and throw a snit instead? Then I realized that maybe I shouldn't use Kayseo's handfasting to insist on staying with other Coyn. Kayseo would also be upset if I tried to stay at the Surd Hall, and I didn't want to ruin her wedding day.