Satrap Umizan, leader of the Brathian Island Conglomerate, turns out to be a festively plump chap, covered in jewellery and floating fabrics that sparkle with unearthly light. He’s an impressive sight, that’s for sure, but all the expensive accoutrements don’t quite manage to distract me from the fact he’s the only chubby brathian I’ve ever seen. Is it a point of pride or something? Only he can afford to get fat? A symbol of his status?

I want to ask. I really want to ask. I know I shouldn’t, obviously, but the guy is right there in front of me. It’s not like I can’t look at him.

[The Satrap bids you welcome to his city. He hopes you find your stay to be commodious and well priced.]

[We’re paying for this? You invited us!]

[It’s a traditional greeting. Now he is speaking of our trade agreement. He hopes there will be a great deal of mutual profit for years to come, allowing both our peoples to prosper.]

[I can agree with him on that.]

At this point, the beaming Satrap claps his hands together and a host of servers emerge from behind pillars and seemingly from out of trapdoors. They come out of nowhere! Each of them bears some sort of dish or drink which they begin to dispense amongst the gathered dignitaries and officials. Beside me, Enid gratefully accepts something that kind of looks like some sort of fish on a cracker? But the cracker is wet? The brathian themselves seem fine to move in and out of our bubble, perfectly able to breathe within the water or the air.

It’s a bit cramped for me, so I have to keep my legs tucked close to my body, but overall, I’m enjoying myself. It’s interesting getting to meet new people.

To one side, Beyn is grandly gesturing, really starting to warm up his vocals in discussion with a bemused-looking brathian lady. Before he can really get going, I sidle over and prod him with an antenna, much to his conversation partner’s shock.

[Relax a little,] I admonish him. [What are you going to tell them, ‘The Great One is an amazing, divine creature?’. It’s going to be a hard sell when I’m standing right here, my legs folded so I don’t get my antennae wet.]

[YOUR… ahem… your grace is abundant to all who perceive you, Great One.]

[I think she’s genuinely afraid of you,] I say, taking a look at the hapless court official… or big shot trader, more likely. She does look quite unnerved. I resist the urge to reach out with a mind bridge and reassure her we aren’t all as weird as the one-armed priest. I’m under instructions not to initiate connections with people.

It makes sense, when you think about it. A mind-bridge may be a wonderful tool of universal communication, but it’s also a means of launching violent and disturbing mental warfare. Monsters as evolved as I am are typically more than a match for an individual, even a powerful one, or so I’m told. Anyone connecting to me runs the risk of me battering their mind in a one-sided beatdown.

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I understand the caution, but it makes the whole thing a bit boring, since most of the people I know are engaged in conversation with new people.

That’s when the Satrap swaggers over to me, a bevy of unhappy-looking mages in his wake.

How does he swagger while swimming? I honestly can’t tell you. He just does.

There’s some gesturing, some muttered protestations, some careless waving away of concerns, until finally a tentative link is formed with me.

[Hey there, how are things? Any chance I can get some food? I’m starving.]

The giant ant monster telling the mage they were hungry apparently wasn’t the relaxing opening I thought it was.

[Uh… food… will be provided. I… I am Olivis, the Dungeon Seer who serves the Satrap.]

[Nice to meet you. A Dungeon Seer, eh? We only got some of you types recently. Crazy what you can learn. Anyways, the Satrap is here. I suppose he wants a chat?]

[That’s right… although we have warned him against it. He is a unique and powerful man who we do not like to risk. I… urge you to act with restraint when your mind is connected to his.]

I generously wave an antenna.

[Of course. You guys have shown us hospitality and friendship, so we’ll do the same. Relax a little bit. Although, I’m serious about some food, everything is bite sized, for me. Any chance I can get something a little more substantial?]

Perhaps impatient with the delay, a new and powerful mind jumps onto the bridge.

[Come on, Olivis, you’re taking forever! Hello there, big ant!]

[Anthony.]

[Of course. Anthony! Welcome to my city. I have to say, I’m excited to meet you, very excited!]

[Oh. Because of the rumours about my incredibly shiny carapace?]

[It is magnificent,] he says, eyes gleaming with avarice. [I could sell it for an absolute fortune. I’m not even sure what it’s made of. Are you sure you don’t have a spare?]

[I don’t.]

And I’m not going to tell him what it's made of, either. A new, hitherto unheard of type of diamond? I don’t want to know just how valuable I’d be, and finding out when surrounded by the greediest merchants on Pangera sounds like a bad idea.

[I’m impressed you came down, by the way,] the Satrap tells me warmly. [Most monsters who reach your level of intelligence and power tend to be… risk averse. You don’t age, can’t die of disease or infection. So long as a monster continues to live, the path to infinite power remains open. Yet here you are, at the bottom of the Lake with a trillion litres of water bearing down on you.]

I don’t think I’m being particularly brave. I’ve always believed the Colony needs to extend a leg in friendship if we want to get anyone to cooperate with us. There’s also another reason I don’t think I’m threatened here.

[I’m worth way more to you alive than I am dead,] I admit to the leader of the brathian. [If I die, millions of ants are going to find their way down here and you may even win that fight, but war is expensive. Very expensive. I get the impression you brathians don’t fight all that much if you can avoid it.]

The Satrap grins broadly and claps me on my foreleg.

[It’s been known to happen,] he says, [but as you say, rarely. And you’re exactly right! The entire reason I reached my current lofty status is because I have a nose for money, and you, my large insectile friend, absolutely reek!]

[I get what you’re saying, but that’s a bit rude. We have an extremely delicate sense of smell, it’s how we communicate.]

[I mean no offence, of course. This deal has tremendous potential. Tremendous! We are going to front significant capital to make this tour a success. Soon enough, the wealth is going to flow like a river. Not a measly river either, one with gusto!]