Matches might have been the preferable option to the melancholy Kieran exuded with every fiber of his being.

Jack sipped at his drink as he looked over Kieran's half-sprawled form. His own legs were still propped over Kieran's lap, but Kieran had slowly slouched down over the course of his bottle, his feet ending up on the coffee table and his arms haphazardly strewn across the back of the couch.

The whole scene was like an artsy photoshoot, and Jack guiltily helped himself to a few snapshots on his phone. He really shouldn't be enjoying seeing Kieran devolve into a miserable pile of gorgeous drunkenness.

"If it will add to your amusement, I can easily strip down," Kieran said, causing Jack to flinch.

"No, I'm good," Jack stuttered out. He hadn't been as sneaky as he'd thought. He hunched his shoulders as Kieran looked at him. "Really. This whole, uh, rumpliness is a look."

Kieran blinked blearily and shook his head, returning his stare to the ceiling. He waved a hand down his body, clipping Jack's knees. "Help yourself if you change your mind. It's all I'm good for."

This was not what Jack had been expecting, and he had no idea on how to turn things around. He set his drink aside, resigning to the fact that his light drunken haze was not going to get the chance to get any further, and he had no hope of catching up to Kieran's state. "I like the whole package. Especially the thoughtfulness."

"I'm used to hearing it referred to as desperation."

Jack rolled his eyes at Kieran's despondence. "Yeah? Well, those people suck. Being nice is nice. Even if I was kinda suspicious of it. But that's 'cuz I'm not used to it. I mean, I kinda wish you had some legit concerns to bring up about me. Balance it out, y'know?"

He paused and stared at his lap. Kieran's hand laid loosely on his knee, and he almost made a grab for it. Was now a good time to mention that he wanted to stay? "Unless Candy's creepy prophecy is all done, and I'm supposed to go back to my apartment. I've never really been a real roommate, so I don't know how this works."

Kieran's head lolled to the side, and he gave Jack a long stare before speaking. "The hairball I found in the shower drain."

"Um, what now?"

"You, my sweet love, shed."

Jack shifted uncomfortably under Kieran's stare. It was far from any possible gripe he might have been expecting, but it was easy enough to fix. "I'll, uh, get one of those hair catchers. Save on the Drain-o. At least my hair's short now? It coulda been worse. A lot worse. I clean up after I shave."

"I suppose that's something," Kieran said, rolling his head back to face the ceiling again. "I do miss having live-in help. Aside from the worry of discovery."

"You can hire a cleaning service?" It seemed like something a sophisticated vampire would have by default. But if Kieran hired someone to clean up the place, then Jack wouldn't have anything to help out with.

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

Nor would there be any convenient ways for weirdo vampires to kidnap him. Again.

"There's too much risk," Kieran said. He ran a hand through his hair, throwing it further into a disheveled mess. "There was nosiness before, but now? It's much too easy for someone to take an incriminating photo, make copies of questionable evidence… A human cleaner is not worth having to clean up after in case of discovery. And I don't find myself in such need to justify the cost of a non-human."

"What about a human that knows about…stuff?" Jack could see that being a viable career option. Not for himself, of course. He invited disaster into his life enough already, and he needed to work on his habit of sending out invitations en masse. He leaned over and grabbed his drink again, topping it off. He'd been successful in steering the conversation, he deserved a treat.

Kieran dragged his hand from his hair and over his face. "An entirely different risk," he muttered into his palm.

"What, like a vampire fan club or something?"

"The opposite, I'm afraid."

"Van Helsing wannabes?" And where were they when Jack needed them? They couldn't be very good, given his experience with the apparent infestation going on.

"Some are rather successful in their craft. Renaud believes I'm sentimental over my name. It started out as pride. We had land, money, so of course my name stood for something. Now?" Kieran choked out a teary laugh. "Well, I'd wager it's closer to a death wish now."

Jack didn't want to linger on the thought. "Renaud?"

"Colette," Kieran dismissively clarified with a wave of his hand. "She has favorites she cycles through."

"Are you gonna start a favorites list?" Jack's stomach twisted at the uncomfortable thought that the answer would be "no."

Kieran looked away. "I'm not certain."

"I can see how it'd be kinda fun. But also annoying and confusing. Annoying because Kyle cheated on me, and I fucking used his name with Augie. But I guess using his name and hearing it more often helped me remember him." It was a strange feeling that someone Jack was fine with forgetting was a solid line to his past. It made him bitter in all the right ways. "And his cheating ass. And the girl he fucked at prom. Caught them kissing, then got to hear all about the fucking the next day."

Kieran slowly shook his head. "I don't know what to do or say to reassure you. I've no gag reflex, but—"

Jack coughed on his drink and looked up at Kieran after he recovered. "I'm sorry, what?"

"No gag reflex. Rather useful in some cases."

"Not this case."

Kieran sighed heavily and patted Jack's thigh. "Unfortunately, no. No easy distractions."

"I dunno, just saying it has me completely distracted right now."

"And what are you imagining?" Kiran looked over, giving Jack a raised brow and a smirk.

As embarrassed as Jack felt, he was grateful for the lighter topic. "First thing? Couple of farmboys in a barn. Some hay and sunshine popping through the roof. Maybe a cow mooing and killing the mood?"

"Disgusting," Kieran said with a scoff. He looked away and grimaced. "It was a thicket far enough off the road to not be heard, and it was sometime after midnight."

"Still two farmboys?" Jack grinned as Kieran slumped further into the couch.

"Two very young men. One of which was the heir to a sizable amount of land, and one who worked…" Kieran trailed off and closed his eyes, his head dropping onto his shoulder as he glanced at Jack. "One who worked with the cows," he said in resignation.

"Got a thing for people who work with cows?"

"I had a 'thing' for almost any person who crossed my path and took a vague interest in me." He grimaced after a moment. "You're a breath of fresh air compared to what I've grown accustomed to."