Mae's Absurd Proposal

Yellowhead points the gun at Al. But he doesn't shoot. It looks like he can't just casually make a noise now. He's lost his backer after all, “Fuck! You bastards are really useless. Go after him! He's our only chance to return to the group! Boss Screw promised me that as long as we can bring that bastard to him, he will talk to Boss Viper and say a good word for us!”

Everyone then goes after Al with haste. They all seem to have forgotten about me.

When everyone is gone, the warehouse is left with dust and silence.

I look at Mae and her terrible expression. She can't seem to believe what she just heard from Al.

I hurriedly come closer to her to untie her from the bondage.

“Hey....” I say but she seems to not have heard of me. I asks, “Did they hurt you?”

“.............” In disbelief, Mae shakes her head, her eyes looking far away. With each gentle sway of her head, it's as if she's trying to shake off the reality of things.

I watch her in silence, feeling something I don't understand. Maybe I feel bad for her or maybe I'm just pissed at Al.

But why would I feel this way? Hasn't I moved on? Why does it matter to me that she's got her heart broken?

I want to say something but I can't. I don't have any words for her. I shake my head to get rid of unnecessary thoughts and feelings.

I focus back on Mae. The subtle quiver of her lips, the tremble in her hands— they betray the turmoil raging within her heart.

She seems to have fully grasped what Al just said. And then, the heavy weight of reality sets in. Tears begin to well in her eyes, shimmering like dewdrops in the faint light. They spill over, tracing silent paths down her cheeks.

*Swoosh*

I hug her. I can't help it. Mae doesn't seem to mind. She hugs me back. And then she cries on my chest.

The feelings I long buried resurfaces.

I remember the first time I saw Mae's name in the class list pasted on the wall on the first day of school back in 7th grade.

I can't explain but her name intrigued me. As someone disinterested in life, one thing piqued my curiosity.

When I finally met who bears that name, I realized there was nothing special about her. Maybe I just found her name aesthetically pleasing to hear.

I thought that's the end of it.

But as time passes by, I slowly got attracted to her. Maybe it was because she was distant, a bit cold, and I had a thing for that, but my desire to hunt her ignited in my heart.

And I begin to hunt. I started by persistently talking to her. I spread the word through my seatmates that I have a crush on her.

At first, Mae didn't seem to care. But as I kept on trying to talk with her, she seemed to have opened up a bit. Our conversation was platonic. I also didn't mention anything about my feelings for her.

Months passed and we became friends. All our friends were shipping us together. That includes Al.

He was the one that convinced me to confess my feelings for Mae. They're all very supportive.

But when the time came, my circumstances got in the way. I had my own reservations. I had to deny what I feel.

Of course, Mae got mad. I was called a coward. She wasn't wrong. Maybe I was indeed a coward.

No matter what, I couldn't even tell her what I feel. There was no reason to be afraid. I already knew our feelings were mutual.

Mae is a conservative woman so she said there's no way she will be the one that will pursue a man.

Maybe to hide my embarrassment...

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I denied my feelings. I even denied it to myself. I convinced myself I was simply low on dopamine and was looking for a thrill.

Our relationship turned cold. She looked as if she was still waiting but I did nothing.

Until the school year ended, I couldn't do anything.

I lost contact with everyone.

In 8th grade, I found out Al courted Mae and they became a couple.

I didn't know what happened next after that but I didn't wanna know anyway so I left it be. Besides, I already distanced myself from them.

It's just this year we reunited with one another.

I understand what I feel right now. I'm pissed. Al took Mae from me. No. It's not like I can blame him for the past. It was all my fault in the first place.

But this...

Why is he breaking her heart now? If he doesn't want her anymore, why not just break up with her? What a disrespect. It's like he is playing us both.

So without a thought, I say, “Hey... You should just give up on Al. You've held on long enough. Your relationship can no longer be fixed.”

Mae says nothing. She pulls her head away from my chest. She wipes her face using the palm of her hands.

Afterwards, Mae looks up at me, “Mark... Do you..” She continues, “Do you really love Elizabeth?”

“?” I feel confused. This isn't what I was expecting her to ask of me. “Why are you asking me that all of sudden?”

“Do you find me stupid?” she asks again.

What? This doesn't even have any relation to her earlier question.

“At first Al... he was very sweet. Remember the time when everything about us changed?”

“Yes,” I answer. I just reminisced about it. “What about it?”

“I was hurt.”

“?!” I feel my heart clenching. I shake off the thoughts that comes with it. “And?”

“I was waiting for you to make a move. But you became distant.”

Err...

“I thought you were just mad. But you denied your feelings for me. I was still hoping for something but you became cold. I accepted it. I accepted that maybe your feelings for me was really nothing. Maybe you were just bored. I was hurt.”

“.............”

She continues, “I accepted that. And I was glad I didn't commit in a relationship with you. That's when Al comforted me. At first, I was reluctant. I mean, he was your friend. But he was persistent. Then I fell for him.”

“.............”

“The two of us didn't become classmates in grade 8. But Al and I did. That's when our relationship grew deeper,” Mae looks at me, seemingly scanning for my reaction. “However, I transferred to Manila and that's where I took my remaining years of junior highschool. At first, it was alright. But Al grew distant, then cold, even hostile.”

She continues, “I held on and shrugged off any unnecessary thoughts. I wanted to go back here because I knew it could only be the results of our long distance relationship. But my circumstances didn't allow it until just now.”

“.............”

“However everything has become different. Al seemed like he doesn't love me anymore. I even wondered if he even loved me,” Mae looks like she wants to cry but holds herself back. “I shamelessly ask for your help. I don't know anybody else. And Al seems interested about getting back together with you.”

Well he has an ulterior motive.

“I thought you guys were already okay,” I say.

They went on a date right?

“I thought so too. But even though he was acting sweet, I feel this distance between us. It's like he's just regarding me as a choir he has to do.” She tears up, “Now I heard him say those words. It hurts... It hurts a lot. It's just logical to give up. There are more fishes in the sea, they said. I agree. They are right.”

“That's why I told you to leave him. It looks like that's what he wants as well anyway.”

He's just being a coward and can't break up with you himself.

“I need to hear him say that himself.”

She's stubborn. Mae sighs, “Did you know why I asked you that question?”

I clarify, “If I love Elizabeth?”

“Yes. I mean, aren't we basically dealing with the same cold and distant partners. Yet I wonder what keeps you from breaking up with her. I want to know.”

I....

I can't tell her anything. Both of us fall into silence. A long one on top of that.

“This isn't about us though.” I continue before she can say anything, “I admire your loyalty and commitment, Mae. But you're committing to the wrong person.”

“He was the right person,” she interjects.

“He is not that person anymore,” I emphasize.

“Then why aren't you breaking up with Ms. Hecate then? Don't tell me who she is now is who she was before,” she argues with me.

“She's only like that because of a circumstance we're dealing with. If I fix it up, she'll come back to the way she was.”

“Isn't it the same with Al? Maybe he's just got something to deal with. Then why are you telling me to give up on him?” She continues, “What I want to know is what keeps you going? Is it love? Or what?”

“I—”

She cuts me off, “I don't know why he's like that, Mark. And I haven't done anything yet. That's why I can't give up on him.”

“What if he already love someone?” I say.

“!!” Mae flinches. It seems like she also thought of that. But she says firmly, “Then I will leave him. But I don't know about that yet. I need to know first.”

“Aren't you very stubborn? Your relationship is already toxic. He hurt you many times. When the cons is more than the pros, is it still worth it? Why not just give up?” I ask.

“If I give up on him, will you take responsibility?” With a determined look, Mae asks seriously, “Can you give up Elizabeth for me?”

“?!”

“It looks like you don't really love her anyway, right? And... hey— Don't you love me? Don't you still love me? I can see it in your eyes. If you give up on Elizabeth now, I will give up on Al. Then I'll choose you. I will commit to you. I will devote myself to you. My body, heart and soul—My whole existence will be yours. I will give it to you.” She continues her absurd proposal, “I will marry you. And after that, no matter what happens next— even if you end up hurting me or sacrificing me, I will never give up on you. I will always be yours. And you will always be mine. Forever, I will love you.”

“.............”

Mae lean closer, our face few inches apart. Eye to eye, like as if she's hypnotizing me, she gently says, “So, what do you say? Will you please leave Elizabeth for me?”