PHASE 41 - AETHER CRUSADE AUDITIONS

It’s now Saturday, and this is the time when we will hold the interview. We will be doing this to expand our ‘family’, I mean the Aether Crusade since most of our members are dead. It would be great if we recruit more capable Gate Guardians to our investigation team. The Black Cross granted us permission to conduct the interviews in Heightsburg’s Kozukata Shrine and we had ads all over the place. I hope our recruitment will go smoothly as planned.

I assembled a panel based on the remaining members of the Aether Crusade. Of course, the one who will be facilitating this interview is me, the high, mighty, and handsome leader of the Aether Crusade. I want to see the applicants in person.

The second person in the panel is Helena. Helena is a god-tier (literally) Gate Guardian of this generation, being able to be one of the eldest members of the Aether Crusade and one of the few whack jobs who can activate multiple God Core at once. She has more experience than me, so I need her help in choosing good members.

The third and the last person in the panel is Jeanne. She’s the leader of Aether Crusade in her universe, and she certainly has lots of leadership experiences far surpassing mine. I need her suggestions and opinions in order to pick the best Gate Guardians to join our investigation team.

Tiara is still my secretary, so she’s there to assist. She is working hard to assist the applicants. She even prepared coffee for us three panels.

“Rikkun, Miss Helena, Jecchan, Goodluck!” Tiara pumped her fists. “I’m sure we’ll find powerful and smart Gate Guardians in this interview! I will do my best to help you!”

“Thank you, Tiara.” All three of us said.

Tiara’s positivity gave a smile to our faces. I hope we can stay positive like her until the end of the interview.

Alas, I had a last night. This is destined to be chaotic.

<>

The first interview. A man with a bulky body sat on the seat in front of the panel and introduced himself. Blablabla, I’ll just skip on the details. I just need the information on what he can do or what his Guardian Ability is.

“So what’s your ability?” I asked as I crossed my arms.

“I can attract bullets.” The macho man said.

“Oooh, bullet attraction!” Helena gently hammered her palm. “Your ability will make you a powerful tank!”

“That’s right!” Jeanne was overjoyed. “Does your ability can work on other projectiles too? Can you attract fireballs, arrows, and death rays?”

“Uh…” The applicant scratched his head. “You may be having the wrong idea about my Guardian Ability.”

“Wrong what?” Jeanne tilted her face.

“It’s better if I demonstrate.” The applicant said.

Suddenly, Jeanne pointed her revolver at the applicant. The applicant immediately raised his hand with a freaked-out voice, saying “Whoa! Whoa! Don’t point it at me! Just give me a bullet. A bullet without a gun, please.”

Jeanne removed a bullet from her revolver and put it on the table. We three are still confused about this guy’s ability until he finally demonstrated what kind of bullet-attraction powers he has.

“!!!” The applicant shouted.

Suddenly, the bullet popped a pair of eyes and a mouth. It suddenly started to talk. A real live talking bullet.

“Oh, handsome! I’m in love at first sight!” The bullet floated and went to the applicant to kiss his lips. “I love you!”

All three of us went speechless for five seconds. During the five seconds, the applicant and the bullet made a disgusting French kiss.

“So, that’s what is all about…” Helena said in disappointment.

Without any second thought, I grabbed the application paper of the applicant and stamped a big REJECTED sign in it.

<>

Next interview. The applicant is a brown-haired teenage girl that is wearing the cheerleading squad of our school. I never would have thought that there is another Gate Guardian looming in Dradecim, and now she’s here to reveal herself.

“So, what’s your Guardian Ability?” I asked.

“That’s rude, Mister Alaric Eisenhower!” The applicant pouted. “Don’t you remember me, the captain of the Cheerleading Squad in Dradecim National High School?”

Suddenly, the cheerleader applicant stood tall as she introduced herself.

“My name is-”

“Nobody gives a damn. What’s your Guardian Ability?” I asked coldly.

“A-Actually, I wanted to set aside the mystery of my Guardian Ability for now.” The cheerleader bowed. “I’m here to confess my love to you!”

Suddenly, the cheerleader handed out a pink Valentine's card. I’m all so dumbstruck at this point of place and time. Jeanne and Helena are there, giggling, fully appreciating the bold efforts of young teenage love. Even my own girlfriend Tiara is there in the background, blushing.

“Please accept this love application! I promise I will never fail your expectations!” The cheerleader asked.

“No. The fact that you’re ugly is what makes you a failure.” I said those words as I stamped the REJECTED sign on her application paper.

The cheerleader applicant sniffed two or three times, her tears and snot overflowing. She can’t handle the emotional distress I just gave her. Then, she made an outburst, running out of the interviewing room.

“Waaaaaah! Alaric rejected me!” She screamed as she ran in the hallway.

I made a deep sigh. I never would have thought that some of my stalkers would pester me here even at my job. They even knew that Tiara came back already and I’m not single-not-ready-to-mingle anymore, but they continue to annoy me.

Suddenly, a dark aura was recognized by my spider-sense. It was Tiara.

“Rikkun…” Her smile is similar to a witch’s. Wait, she is a witch!

“Hey, I rejected her, alright? There’s no need to be jealous, my adorable darling.”

“That’s not the issue…” Tiara came closer while cracking her fists. “You didn’t have to reject her in a demoralizing way…”

“W-W-Wait, Tiara! Let me-Kapwachk!” I cried out loud as my brutal girlfriend made a swift right hook to my nose.

<>

Next interview. This applicant is a little bit creepy as his head is covered by his hood. The darkness swallows half of his face, so I couldn’t make of him if he’s really a person or not.

“What’s your Guardian Ability?” Jeanne asked on my behalf. Right now, I’m pressing a cold compress to my nose so I can’t speak clearly enough to communicate.

It took a creepy one second before the applicant answered.

“...I can summon cockroaches...”

Suddenly, Jeanne’s face went blue. Her eyes went wide and she gasped as if she’s eternally freaked out. Suddenly, he grabbed the REJECTED stamp from my desk and pressed it on the application paper.

“W-Wait!” The applicant cried. “Give me a chance first to showcase my power!”

“No! Get out!” Jeanne cried, completely disgusted and scared. “We don’t want your Guardian Ability!”

“My powers are much more than that!” The applicant finally removed his hood, revealing his hobo appearance. “I can summon hordes of cockroaches!”

“EEEEEK! NOOO! GET OUT!” Jeanne screamed.

“Wait, wait! It’s not everything I can do! My ability is not lame! I can also summon a giant cockroach that can topple buildings!”

It went worse every time the applicant talks as he has no idea why the blonde runt is freaked out. Jeanne lost it. She drew her revolvers and blasted bullets all around the applicant. Good thing Jeanne is a nutjob in using guns, or else this will be a bloody crime scene. But having those gunshots made the applicant run away in fear of his own life.

This will be a long day. I don’t think we can recruit anyone, though.