☆ Hey guys, I'm back from vacation! Thanks for the support while I've been gone, hope you're all doing well in this crazy world and I hope you're having a good kick-off to your summers! ☆ 

Never in my sixteen years of life, has a day been as good as this one. Nathan Carter walked into school holding my hand this morning, he kissed my cheek after I left my class with him this morning. He even put his arm around me at lunch, it was just perfect.

I'd been dreaming of this day, the day when I'd really have someone special and have a boyfriend. I was also loving the look on Sabrina Carmichael's face when she saw us together. It was like walking on air, I felt unstoppable.

While things were all sunshine and rainbows for me, they appeared to be anything but for Micheal and Irene. I was watching a Cold War breaking out between them, they seemed to fight all the time, Micheal wouldn't speak to her and she wouldn't speak to him. This relationship of theirs was going completely off the rails and was burning down in flames.

I tried talking to Irene about it but she just seemed too upset. Pulling information from either one of them about their relationship was almost impossible these days. They just seemed happy to be together and miserable. 

Now was the end of the day and Nate was going to come over tonight after his hockey practice. Whenever I thought about Nate still playing hockey it made me think about skating. It made me wonder if I could or even should go back to it. I missed the adrenaline that came with performing and pushing myself to learn new things. I also missed having something to fill my time, everything felt empty now and I needed to get my body back to a real ballet class. Stretching out on my bedroom floor just didn't do it for me anymore.

Part of me also knew Kate was right about me wasting the opportunity I had with skating. That Nate was right about me loving it and mom was right about dad sharing it with me because he loved it.

I still hadn't spoken to dad, even though I'd been home for two days I still wasn't ready. I'd seen him plenty but I'd just pass him and not say anything. I didn't know if it was worth approaching him before our first family counselling session. That date was also approaching and we were set to meet up with a therapist on Monday afternoon. 

I had a lot on my mind on my way out of school but I ultimately knew everything was heading in the right direction. I quickly get to the lobby and look around knowing Nate usually beats me here, but I don't see him.

"Hey beautiful." I hear and I feels someone's arms wrap around my waist. I know it's Nate and my heartbeat picks up.

"Hey." I say back quietly. I feel him lean forward and kiss my cheek and I laugh.

"Can I give you a ride home?" He asks and I smile.

"I thought you'd never ask." I whisper and he smiles. 

He takes my hand and I find myself giggling as he pulls me out the front door of the school. 

There was still a small part of me that absolutely loved having a boyfriend. Even saying that he was my boyfriend just made me smile and the fact that it was the guy I've been in love with my whole life, just made it that much sweeter. 

He makes a quick drive to my house and I sigh when I realize I need to get out of the car and say goodbye.

"I'll call you tonight before I come by alright?" He asks and I nod leaning over to give him a kiss.

It ends up being longer than either of us meant for it to, he leans forward and turns off the car engine. He then undoes my seatbelt and cups the side of my face. It was a kiss that made my stomach flip. 

Suddenly I hear a banging sound and we pull apart. I look and see Nik at the back windshield and my cheeks turn red. He waves a bit with a smug grin and then walks into the house after Alex.

"I guess that's my cue to leave huh?" He asks and I laugh a bit to myself.

"I guess." I pout and he laughs. 

"Are you free tomorrow?" He asks and I nod. 

"All day." I whisper and he smiles.

"Good, wear something nice. I'm taking you out." He whispers back and I smile.

"Alright." I laugh and he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. "I can't wait." 

"Me neither." He says quietly. 

"I don't want to go." I admit and he laughs.

"I know, but my dad's coming back and I'm supposed to go to dinner with him and mom before my practice." He says and I nod.

"Well I won't keep you." I tell him. "I love you and I'll see you tonight." He nods and leans over to kiss me once.

"I love you too." He whispers and I smile. "Bye baby."

"Bye." I whisper back and lean over to open the door.

I step out and wave goodbye before turning and heading back towards my house. I tense up when I see dad's car in the driveway but I know everything will be alright with Alex and Nik home.

I walk in and head upstairs, when I walk past my brothers' rooms I instantly hear teasing shouts. I roll my eyes and keep walking, feeling a smile work its way onto my face.

"You know Sash, when we said we'd be supportive about this, it didn't mean I wanted to watch you make out." Nik yells and I take a few steps back so I can poke my head into his room.

"You walked up, nobody forced you to watch." I say sweetly and he just shakes his head.

I walk into my room and drop my bag next to my desk. I sit down and pull out my biology notes ready to start my homework. I needed to do something to keep busy while Nate was a away and this was it.

I worked for about half an hour, focusing on getting my work done but eventually the tightness I had in my body was just too much and I knew I had to stretch it out.

I stand up and start bending over and stretching my back, arms, legs, neck. Everything just feels incredibly tight. I'm startled when I hear a knock at the door and I look up feeling more surprised when I see who's standing there.

"Sasha." I hear and see dad's large frame filling my doorframe. I instantly scramble off the floor and clear my throat.

"W-what are you doing here? Mom told you to leave me-"

"I know your mother told me to stay away from you until you were ready to talk." He says quietly and I feel on edge instantly. I wasn't ready to talk to him, I didn't know what to say or how I felt. All I knew was that my dad and I both had tons of unaddressed issues, with each other and on our own.

"Please respect that." I say quietly, keeping my eyes on the floor. I didn't want to make eye contact. "Well speak on Monday, for now please leave."

"I wouldn't have come up here if it wasn't for good reason." He says and tries to take a step towards me. I instantly recoil and take a step back, he seems to notice this and stops himself. He looks defeated and sad but I won't let him make me feel guilty.

"I forwarded you an email." He says quietly. "It's from the nationals board. The girl who got first in sectionals, broke her leg. There's a spot for you at nationals this year."

"And I suppose that means there's one for me at Olympic tryouts too huh?" I ask and he sighs.

"I didn't say that." He says quietly. "This is a chance to go after a dream Sasha."

"I don't know if it's my dream anymore." I tell him shaking my head. 

"But you're gifted you must-"

"Dad I don't want to go back to that!" I tell him, flailing my arms around. "I don't want to back to hating my life and not having friends. I don't want to go back to being yelled at and berated all the time! I want to be normal." I huff crossing my arms. "Now please leave me alone."

"Sasha you're not thinking straight, this is a massive opportunity. Things like this don't happen everyday, nobody gets a break like this!"

"You hit me." I tell him flatly and he sighs. 

"That was only-"

"What?" I ask quickly. "What was it dad? A reflection of abuse?"

"I don't abuse you." He says and I start laughing.

"You're delusional." I spit, narrowing my eyes. "I love that you're not even apologizing for it either. I feel like you don't love me dad, like I'm a goddamn brick in the wall! At the end of the day win, lose, skate, fall, I'm your daughter. That should be enough, I know this didn't work out for you and I'm so sorry it didn't, but I was treated like garbage for ten years, and I don't want to do it again."

"I just wanted you to be better than I was, more disciplined." He pleads. "I thought you needed structure, I didn't want you to waste your big chance on something like a fall and not pursue your dream."

"So you thought overworking me was the answer?" I ask. "You thought making me an antisocial skating freak was the best decision? It was never that I didn't want skating or didn't take it seriously, I genuinely wanted to pursue it. But not at the expense of everything else in my life."

"Distractions make everything harder, it's easier to focus if there's nothing else going on around you." He says and I shake my head.

"So when you met mom and gave away everything you had to be with her, that wasn't worth it because she was a distraction?" I ask and he almost looks taken aback.

"Your mother was different." He says pointing a finger at me and I shake my head.

"No she's not." I tell him. "You just found something you loved more than skating."

"Sasha I know I've been hard on you." He says and I sigh. That's a bit of an understatement. "But please don't throw this away because of the past. This is an opportunity, one that doesn't come around all that often. You have unbelievable talent, I've seen it, don't throw it away."

I feel nauseous talking about this, dancing around all of the other things going on between us. I didn't feel like this was such a good idea, I knew what it could mean, what it would do to me. But most importantly I knew what it would do to me and Nate. 

"At least think about it, yes?" He begs and I groan internally. "I've forwarded you the email, they need an answer by tomorrow or they move on to the next girl."

My eyes widen when he says that, I'd have to make this decision by tomorrow? A possible life-altering choice about my future and life? I'd barely even thought about if skating again at a competitive level would be a good idea. I wasn't sure what it would mean for me, or how it would change things.

If dad was going to be my coach and run me into the ground again the answer would certainly be no. Was it even worth it with all of the old memories and borderline P.T.S.D I'd gotten from skating? 

"I'm sorry I hit you." He says shaking his head. "I'll give you time to think this over."

And just like that he's gone, he just dropped a bomb on me and left. I didn't even know what the right decision was, but it wouldn't be one I'd take lightly. I just felt overwhelmed, knowing I missed skating but that was such a horrible time I wasn't sure if doing it again was right.

I had too much to think about, too many balls in the air. I'd have to make that choice before we even went to therapy on Monday. I'd already lost two weeks of training and Nationals was only a few weeks away, could I even be ready by then? 

I just sat on my bed and stared at my shelf of trophies, what do I do?