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I had Nat's hand in a death grip. It was a miracle she wasn't complaining. The doctor had come in and attached stirrups to the table. She then had me lay back and put my feet in the stirrups. She covered me with a towel, but I still felt exposed.

I was taking things one step at a time. But, with each step, it got harder to hold back my panic. The doctor... Doctor- I didn't remember her name- sat down at the ultrasound machine and turned everything on before looking at me.

"I'll need you to answer some questions first, ok?" She asked. I took a deep breath and nodded. "Have you had any cramping, or bleeding in the last few days?"

"I-" the words caught in my throat and I felt like I was choking on them. "Y-yes." I forced out.

"And when did you first notice that something could be wrong?" The doctor asked. My mind flashed back to the moment I saw Loki fall. I felt like I had been shot, too.

"A few hours ago." I said as I started to cry softly again. Nat placed her hand on my head to comfort me as I answered more questions.

"How far along are you?" The doctor questioned. I was grateful that she continued to use present tense.

"My-" I stopped to sniffle and clear my throat. "My period has been irregular for the past few years, so I... I don't know." I took a sharp breath in and tried to wipe my eyes. "I think six weeks." My voice was so raspy from yelling and crying. It honestly hurt to talk. "Is there a chance?" I asked. The doctor furrowed her brows and tilted her head in question. "Is there a chance I didn't kill my baby?" I asked again as I continued to try and wipe the tears from my face. I wanted to hold on to any hope I could because, right now, I felt like it was all I had.

"Sammee, these things just happen sometimes. You didn't kill your baby, but let's wait and see what the ultrasound sees before jumping to any conclusions." She smiled sadly at me before grabbing a wand looking thing. "Because you're so early, I'll have to use the wand. It will also give me a better picture. I'll only insert it a few inches, but, because of the cramping, it may pinch or feel uncomfortable." The doctor explained. I was still shaking badly. My muscles felt exhausted and hurt with how bad it was.

"Ok," Natasha sighed. "This is the scary step." She told me. "But, we'll get through it, right?" She asked sternly and looked at me for an answer.

"Nat, I don't-" I shook my head as my voice broke. I clutched her hand to my chest so I could attempt to curl in on myself. Natasha bent down to my level and held my terrified stare.

"You will be fine." She told me finitely.

"Alright, are you ready?" The doctor asked. I continued to hold Nat's look, but bit my lip and nodded. "Ok, this might be cold."

Cold was an understatement. The doctor inserted the wand a few inches into me with one hand, while the other typed away on the keyboard. I turned my head to look at the screen, hoping that I would see a healthy growing baby, but I knew that was a long shot.

The screen showed a grey image as the doctor positioned and repositioned the wand. It was definitely an uncomfortable feeling. I looked at the doctor when she cleared her throat and repositioned the wand for the fourth time. She was frowning at the screen and clicking some keys.

"What is it?" I asked. She didn't answer.

"You've got to give us something, Doc." Natasha added.

"Have you had any bleeding before today?" The doctor asked.

"No." I shook my head. "Why?"

The doctor sighed and looked back to the screen. She then turned the monitor so I could see better.

"See this grey mass right here?" She asked and pointed at the screen.

"Yes." I answered.

"That is your uterus." She informed me. "If you look, you can see that there isn't an embryo there." She then moved the wand to show a different image. "But there is one here." The doctor told me and pointed to where there was a small black space in a sea of grey. "In your right fallopian tube."

"So, what does that mean?" Nat asked for me. I was too busy looking at the small black circle.

"It means," the doctor sighed and removed the wand from my body. "You would have never been able to carry to full term. What you have is called an ectopic pregnancy. It's when the embryo implants itself in somewhere other than the uterus. The fallopian tubes don't have the ability to grow and stretch like the uterus does. I am very sorry. There was no way to avoid miscarrying."

My heart shattered and I gasped in a few sharp breaths as I started crying uncontrollably. Nat put her arm around me and I turned into the hug. She tried to comfort me as much as possible, but it was useless.

"I'll give you two some privacy. I'll come back in a little bit to discuss how we need to proceed." The doctor said.

"Proceed?" Natasha asked.

"Yes..." the doctor said hesitantly. "Because of where the embryo attached, we need to go in and remove all of the debris blocking that fallopian tube." She explained.

"How do you do that?" Natasha asked.

"It's really a simple procedure. I've done it multiple times." The doctor told us. "We'll just put her under anesthesia and laparoscopically go in to remove all that tissue. There will only be a few small incisions on her lower abdomen that should completely heal in a weeks time."

"Just do it." I sniffled. My voice didn't even sound like mine anymore. It was so rough and heartbroken that it wasn't recognizable.

"Are you sure?" Natasha pulled away and asked me. I looked down, staring at nothing, and nodded.

"I just want this over with." I told them. I was so tired of the horrible thoughts swirling around in my head, blaming me, shaming me, hating me. The thought of being put to sleep, even for a little while, was appealing.

"I... will let surgery know." The doctor said with a slight nod. "It will be a few hours until we're ready for you."

I didn't answer. I was in my own head. No one hated me more than I hated myself right now.

"Thank you, Dr. Reece." Nat said with a nod of her own and a small smile. I at least knew what the doctor's name was now.

"You are welcome." Dr. Reece told her. "And, Sammee?" She turned to me. "I am so sorry for your loss."