"Are you still sure about this?" I ask Odeletta, looking down at her.

"Yes." She says, opening the door to the truck.

It's December 20th. Lucy left nine day ago. They came and looked at the house and seemed pleased.

Hell, even I'm pleased with the house. There's no pool but there's a move theatre, a exercise room and a gym with a basketball court in the basement. There's also a bedroom down there, a living room, two bathrooms, one half by the gym and one full in the bedroom. There's a full kitchen in there with a mini fridge and a stove. The main floor has a study, a dining room, a full kitchen, a breakfast area, a mudroom and a laundry room, two staircases upstairs, a staircase to the basement, the master bedroom with the master bathroom, two closets in the master a large living room, and another small sitting area by the kitchen. There's an additional laundry room on the second floor, four bedrooms, and each room has his own bedroom. On the main floor there is also a half bathroom.

The house is huge and there's a three car garage attached.

The house was 1.5 million dollars but we can afford it easily. We bought it outright and paid the house off. The woman came in and looked around and was shocked at the condition of the house. She told us she would be in touch and left.

That was three days ago. We had moved into the house after four days and paid people to bring furniture.

I couldn't have done anything without my wife. She just followed people around and shouted orders to make sure things were done right.

The caseworker is the same lady that took Lucy away from us and she told us it could benefit a lot if we went to classes to learn how to handle Lucy since she has been through a lot.

It was mostly psychological stuff but it was things I already knew. We just left the first class and they told us Lucy is likely to have nightmares and things like that but it's nothing we can't handle.

Still, taking in another child is a bog commitment and I want to make sure Odeletta is ready.

"You're sure you're ready?" I ask as we drive to the mall.

"Yes Nathan." She sighs. "I can handle Lucy. I want to handle Lucy."

She pulls out her wallet and pulls out the folded piece of paper. It's Lucy's drawing.

I reach over and squeeze her shoulder comfortingly.

"What if the foster parents are beating her, Nathan? I'm afraid for her. She's already my kid, okay? And my heart hurts being away from her. What if they aren't taking good care of her? I'm her mother, I need to be there to protect her."

My grip on the steering wheel tightens as I think about somebody laying anything but a gentle hand on our little girl.

"I want to get her Christmas presents." I announce. "I know we won't have her for Christmas and we might never have her for Christmas, but I want to get her something. Even if we don't get custody until next winter, I want her to know Santa came for her this year."

Odeletta smiles.

"She likes art." She says. "We should get her art stuff. We could get her a ton of coloring books and pencils and paper and paint and an easel. We could raise the next Pablo Picasso. What six year old do you know that can color the Eiffel Tower like this?" She holds the paper up. I glance at it.

"Lucy can." I smile sadly. "I wonder what she's doing. What if they're hurting her right now?"

She looks down, frowning.

"I hope not."

It's Monday and the last week that the kids have school. It's December 20th and we're going to do some last minute Christmas shopping. Friday is Christmas Eve so the kids last day is Wednesday.

"It's time Noemie got a phone." Odette adds.

"No." I say. "She's a little girl."

"She's fifteen Nathan."

I huff, parking at the mall. She gets out and I join her putting my arm around her shoulder.

"Nathan?" She ask as I take her right hand in my left.

"Yes?"

"What if we never see Lucy again?"

I frown.

"I don't know baby. I hope we see her again."

I'm snapped out of my wrapping spree when my phone starts ringing. I set down the scissors and pick my phone up, pressing answer. Nathan tapes the wrapping paper down on his box.

"It's Jenna." I whisper, pressing answer. Jenna is the caseworker. It's only ten in the morning on Wednesday and the kids are all at school. I put it on speaker. "Hey Jenna."

"Hey Odeletta, is Nathan around?"

"I'm right here." Nathan says, cutting some of the wrapping paper to wrap up Noemie's iPhone.

"Great, listen, I'm afraid I have some bad news."

I hold my breath.

"You guys just...there was too much dark history and the foster system just...they don't feel comfortable giving Lucy to you guys. I am so sorry."

I stare at the phone.

"So...where is she going?"

"She will stay in the system?"

"I-" I cut off. "No! She's just a baby Jenna, there has to be something we can do! We aren't bad people, I told you-"

"Sweetie, I know." She says gently. "But I can't do anything about it. If it were up to me, she never would have gone to Arizona, but she did, and they don't feel comfortable giving her to you guys. I think it's time you move on."

I stare at the Santa wrapping paper in front of me, the little easel we got her sitting in front of me.

"I am so sorry." She says.

I feel like my heart has just shattered. She's ripping my kid away from me.

I open my mouth to reply with Jenna, but I close it.

"Your system is corrupt." I mutter. "She was beaten in her old foster home! She was beaten and-"

"We shut down that home and took the kids away." She says. "I'm sorry."

I shut my eyes and I feel a fat tear slide down my cheek.

"Just take care of her, Jenna." I whisper. "And help her with her math homework. She has trouble with counting money."

She sighs slowly.

"Okay. I really am sorry."

"Yeah." Nathan grumbles. He gestures for me to hang up on her so I do, and we both sit there in silence.

Tears slide slowly down my cheeks.

Who is going to help her do her homework now? Who is going to tuck her in at night and read her a bedtime story? Who is going to teach her how to ride a horse? How is she going to get protected from bad people without Nathan and I there to nurture her? Who is going to be there when she starts her period? Her foster mother? A women who is paid to take care of her?

I start sobbing, and I feel Nathan's arms wrap around me, carrying me to our bed.

My poor baby. She's going to be all alone.

_____

I stare at the huge Christmas tree in our living room. We had to get a ladder to put on the angel and to decorate the top half. The fireplace is lit, the Christmas lights outside casting a beautiful glow on the snow littering the yard. Our family sits around, wrapped in sweaters as I dig through the box of DVD's we never unpacked, searching for The Santa Claus.

I wonder where Lucy is. Is she having a good Christmas Eve? What if she isn't happy?

What if she doesn't like her foster parents? Are they going to get her a Christmas gift?

Our family was upset when they got the news. Caroline and Noemie cried.

I stayed locked in the bedroom most of the day Thursday. I only came out when the four kids came in and begged me to make cookies with them.

Nathan is upset too. He cried about it last night when we were in bed, and the night before.

It's not fair. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of a child. I've done it four times.

It's bullshit. My grandparents ruined my childhood, almost killed my husband, and now they're ripping my kid away from me.

I sip my hot chocolate, staring at the tree.

It's so pretty.

A few gifts lay under the tree but we will dig out the rest of them tonight. Our family will stay the night tonight too.

I pull out The Santa Claus and grab the DVD player, turning it on. The doorbell rings. I sigh slowly, handing my mud to Nathan. I run my hand down my face, tired.

I didn't get much sleep last night, or Wednesday night.

I walk over to the front door and pull it open.

My heart almost explodes.

Jenna stands there, holding hands with a familiar blonde haired blue eyed little girl. Lucy is bounding up and down. She's wearing a thin pink sweater, much too thin for eight degrees Fahrenheit, which really feels like negative twenty without the windchill. She has a cheap string backpack over both of her shoulders. Her face is healed completely, the stitches in her forehead gone. The white cast still rests on her right arm. She has on beaten up sneakers and jeans with holes in the knees.

I look at Jenna. She just smiles.

"They changed their mind."

Oh my god.

Lucy grins and I see the tooth she lost on the bottom starting to grow back in.

"Are you my Mama?" She asks, her eyes shining in excitement.

My mouth opens and closes a few times.

"Unless you've changed your mind..." Jenna trails off.

"Oh god, of course not!" I exclaim, leaning down to scoop Lucy up with my left arm.

"There's just a few pages you and Nathan have to sign and then you never have to see me again."

Lucy locks her tiny arms around my neck and I put my right arm on her back, nudging the front door open with my red fuzzy sock. Jenna steps in, and I nudge the door closed with my foot. You can see straight to the front door from the living room, and when I shut the door, Nathan comes rushing over, confusion all over his face.

"They changed their minds." Jenna says. He puts his hand over his mouth, looking at Lucy. She grins.

"Daddy?" She asks.

He lets out a stranger laugh and takes her from my arms.

"I guess so kid." He kisses her head and she grins widely.

"You guys just have to sign a few papers." Jenna says. "And I don't mean to be rude but I'd like to do it fast. I have my own family back in Arizona."

"Of course, yes, of course." I say, pointing to the study to our left. "We can do it in here."

I pull open the door and Nathan sets Lucy on her feet. Without an ounce of hesitation, she ditches her old sneakers and her backpack on the floor.

"How about you go ask your brothers and sisters to show you around." I suggest. Her whole face lights up and she goes running out of the study towards the living room. Jenna gets the papers and hands them to us. Nathan and I read them over and Nathan slips out, coming back with Gabe, who reads over all the papers and nods when to sign. We sign all of them and Jenna gathers the papers.

"You guys have a good life, and congratulations."

"Thank you." I say, and Nathan walks her out. I walk into the living room and see Lucy playing on the floor with Leah.

"Lucy." I say. "Come here sweetie."

"Awww, why?"Leah whines.

"Leah, be polite." Emily reprimands.

"Sorry Mommy."

Lucy drops her toy and stands up, walking over to me. I bring her back to the study.

"You can't leave your things all over the house, okay? Your things go in your room."

"I have a room?" She looks up at me.

"Yes sweetie, you have your very own bedroom. There's nothing in it yet, but after Christmas we can put things in it."

"Okay Mama." She says. She picks up her shoes and her backpack, and I go upstairs with her. I lead her to her bedroom door. It opens into a tiny hall with a door to a bathroom on the right. I walk in first and take her in there. It's empty now, with plain white walls and a cream colored carpet. She drops her stuff in the corner and looks around.

"Am I allowed to paint my room?" She asks. "All the kids in the movies have painted rooms."

"Sure. After Christmas we will get your room all set up. Did your siblings give you the tour?"

"No." She says, shaking her head.

"Alright, let's get the tour."

"What's in there?" She points to the closet door.

"That's your closet." I say, walking over to the door and pulling it open.

She looks inside of it and then looks up at me.

"Can I ask you something?" She asks.

"Sure."

"Do I still have to call you Odeletta?"

I smile.

"No sweetie."

"So I can call you Mama?"

"Yes." I nod. "And you can call Nathan Daddy."

She grins and bounds out of the bedroom. I follow her, walking her around. "This is Noah's room." I point to the door to the right of hers "Right here is Noemie's room." I say after crossing the balcony. I point to the door and open it to show her the light blue walls of Noemie's room. "Her room used to be all boring like yours but we painted it."

"I like it." She giggles.

"Me too." I smile down at her. "And down here is Caroline's room." I point to the room at the end of the hall on the left and open the door to show it to her. Her room is light purple.

"What's downstairs?" She asks.

"Let's go look." I say. He go down the stairs together and I show her the laundry room and the kitchen and sitting room, the breakfast area, the living room, the dining room, and then I open the door to the master bedroom.

"Who's room is this?" She asks, looking around with wide eyes.

"This is me and Mama's room." Nathan says, slipping in behind me. She looks around and then bounds down the hall into the bathroom.

"Wow!" She gasps. "I've never seen a bathroom so big before!"

She looks around and walks up to the door to the right of the bathroom door. She throws it open and looks at the sitting room we have.

"You have your very own living room?" She asks, peeking in.

"Yes we do." I smile.

She walks over to the door the presents are in and reaches for the handle.

"Let's not go in there right now." Nathan says. "It's just a boring old closet anyways. Let's go see the basement."

"Basements are scary." She whines.

"Not ours." Nathan smiles. "Come on, I promise it's not scary."

She takes his hand and pulls him out of the room. I follow behind them down to the basement.

"Is that a movie theatre?" She gasps, her eyes wide.

"It is." I nod, smiling.

She walks all around, looking at the kitchen and the living room and the half bathroom and the exercise room and the sauna, and then she frowns.

"Where is Raylen's room?"

I gesture for her to follow me and walk down to the bedroom. I throw the door open. Raylen's room is dark blue and there's clothes all over the floor. I notice a few inappropriate magazines on the bed and I shake my head, making a mental not to make him clean his room after Christmas is over.

"What's in that door?" She points to the very end of the hall we're in.

"Oh that's the gym." Nathan says, walking towards it. She follows him and I follow her. The gym looks like a middle school gym. There's a staircase in here that opens up to outside, and a closet under the stairs.

The floor is wood with the lines for a basketball court, and the walls are lined in black padding.

"Wow!" She gasps. "We live here?" She looks at Nathan and I.

"Yes we do." I smile.

She grins.

"And we have horses." I say. "But they're not here right now. We have the build a barn first."

Her eyes widen in excitement.

"Okay Mama." She runs to me and wraps her arms around my legs. I rub her back, smiling.

I wish she had better clothing.

"What did you bring with you from your foster home?" I ask.

"I brought pajamas." She says.

"Only pajamas?" Nathan asks.

"Yes." She looks up at him. I can see how annoyed he is at how they treat kids in the foster system, but he stays quiet.

"We were just about to watch a movie kiddo, let's go back upstairs."

"Why don't we watch in the movie theatre?" She asks curiously.

I didn't nothing of that.

"Maybe we can." I shrug.

She runs out of the gym, her blonde hair flying behind her. I hear her pound up the stairs and I smile after her, looking at Nathan.

He grins and picks me up, spinning me. He makes sure to be careful of my right arm as he presses his lips to mine.

"I'm so happy." He admits when he pulls away, out faces inches apart. "We have five kids, a huge house, horses, and a ton of money. We're so lucky, Odeletta. And to think we hated each other."