I couldn't go on the rest of today being miserable so I called Peyton and Ash over to help with this sudden heartbreak. I never knew it was possible to be this hurt over someone I couldn't even call my own. Gavin secluded his feeling from himself and the rest of the world and up until yesterday he told me how he really felt and I took that away from him.

That was probably the first time he's ever told anyone the truth about how he felt and I couldn't imagine it possibly being me. He blocked me from Instagram so I'm now back to three followers once again. I'm sure he's even gotten rid of my number and with all the anger he's capable of holding he'll probably never talk to me again.

Everyone told me from the start, he was bad news and I tried seeing him in a different light. The friendly Gavin nobody knew existed I think I got a glimpse of it but I'm not quite sure.

"I'm gonna kill him." Peyton says giving me a warm smile to help comfort me. "I'll start with his car-"

I shake my head, sniffling. "This isn't his fault I did this."

"No this is all that damn cancers fault." Ash defends. "As much as I don't appreciate the way Gavin treats you, you've been happy and I can't deny it's because of him."

I rub my nose my mind racing back to the first time I met with his green eyes the night of my first high school party. They intrigued me because I'd never seen eyes like that before, they seemed angry, lost and happy all at once.

"I know where he is tonight." Peyton says. "Beckham told me they were having a party at the lake."

That damn lake, I shudder at the remembrance of are kiss there. "What's the point? Tell him the truth?"

They both stare at me like a lost puppy before nodding their heads. "At least before it's too late." Ash responds. It's unusual that Ash is on Gavin's side for once I'm used to the frequent hate against him.

I knew how bad parties end for me I could sit here and cry the rest of the night watching romantic comedy's or I could get my ass out of bed and tell Gavin what's exactly on my mind.

I couldn't let him make decisions for me I couldn't let him walk away either.

"Let's go." I say jumping out of bed I wipe the wetness from my eyes. I grab some black jeans and a grey sweatshirt from my closet. I tie my hair back and see my eyes are very red and swollen because I've been crying.

"Where are you going?" My mother asks. She's standing in the living room probably scolding Peter for something again.

"To a party." I respond. "I'll be home later."

Her face turns pale and she opens her mouth to protest but decides against it. The three of us hop into Ash's car and head off. We don't say much in the car and I'm glad because I take this time to think about what I'm going to say exactly.

The car comes to a halt and Ash parks in the field where other cars are scattered. I notice smoke and light coming from the end of the lake. The sound of music and people talking buzz in my ears. I stuff my cold hands into my sweatshirt and make my way over. Peyton and Ash stand beside me and this party suddenly becomes a lot more intimidating.

Everyone's eyes are looking at me and some people whisper to one another in a bad attempt to seem unsuspicious. The crowd is large but many people are spread out in their designated group of friends.

"Should we get a drink first?" Peyton offers pointing to a truck that has a large assortment of alcohol in the bed. I nod my head and we walk over grabbing a can of beer I open it up and take a large gulp.

"Slow down there."

My eyes widen and I turn around to see Zach. He always has that smug smile on his lips it's genuine and I can't help but feel bad for ignoring him all the time. He was sweet, caring and..... not Gavin. My subconscious adds that part at the end and I look down at my feet.

Gavin was unpredictable, he was a challenge to understand and somehow managed to get me out of this shell I've been hiding in for so long and damn does it feel good to be out.

"Have you seen Gavin?" Peyton interrupts the silence and although I am thankful I can see Zach's smile fade away at the mention.

"No, I think he's coming with Beckham and Carver after they pick up the girls." Zach tells her.

"Girls?" I say choking on my beer.

"Yeah Georgia and her friends."

I can't seem to stop myself from gulping the whole beer down. My stomach began to churn because I was getting nervous. This wasn't going to be as easy as I thought it would be. I tried to play it out in my head before and it never ended the way I hoped.

"I think I need another beer." I tell Zach. He leans towards the truck and grabs a new can and hands it to me. "Thanks."

"What should we do then?" Peyton asks me.

I look down at my beer and open it that some spill on my hands in my attempt. "We wait."

One hour into the party and four beer cans down I start to feel the repercussions. I'm dancing and taking selfies with random strangers. I've managed to take off my sweatshirt because it was getting too warm while I danced and now I've lost my best friends in the process.

"Have you seen my friends?" I ask a random group of people who give me strange looks and completely ignore me. "Rude."

I walk toward the fire that's being ignited by wooden planks and the alcohol people are pouring inside it. Through the waves of heat my smile turns into a frown as I recognize someone standing on the other side.

He's not alone either, I want to believe he at least tried to reject her this time because she's sitting on his lap and he seems to be enjoying it. My arm is suddenly yanked back.

"You should go Alex, where are your friends?" Zach says cautiously looking around.

I shrug my shoulders up and down and take a seat on the grass. I notice there are a lot more bodies around and I even think I see two Zach's looking down at me.

"I'll take you home." Zach says reaching for my arm but I jerk away.

I can hear laughter and it becomes louder and louder with everyone. I push myself off of the ground and make my way to the other side. Gavin looks up at me along with the rest of his so called friends. The two Georgias I see lean further into him.

"Alex." Zach is standing beside me and I don't know why he's in such a rush to leave this party?

"Desperation is in the air." I laugh with my eyes closed. "Georgia." I say whispering slightly.

"Excuse me?"

I notice Gavin's hold on her waist loosens and she almost falls forward. "You heard me now can I borrow Gavin for just a second?"

"Are you drunk?" Gavin asks pushing Georgia off of him and he storms over in my direction and exchanges glances with Zach. "Did you get her drunk?"

"Fuck off already Gavin." Zach tells him. "I'm not the bad guy in this situation."

"What the fuck are you saying?" Gavin threatens him.

"Can we just talk?" I ask Gavin I rest my hand on his arm and this seems to calm him down just a bit. "This went a lot better in my head-"

"Why are you here?" Gavin sneers. "You look like a complete idiot now go back home."

"No." I stomp my foot. "I'm not gonna keep letting you boss me around."

"Your drunk you don't even know what your saying." He tells me, the alcohol has altered my speech and I clearly don't have any control over what I'm saying but I can't seem to stop myself.

"I know that I want this to work out between us." I finally say. "You have- I mean you are the hugest dick I've ever known and you make me wanna punch you in the face all the time." I slur rolling my eyes at him.

I hear claps coming from one ear so I turn and see Georgia with her hands together. "I applaud you really, your the biggest joke this school has ever known." She laughs which makes other people laugh with her. "What was it you told us again Gav?"

My head snaps to look up at Gavin. He doesn't say anything and he doesn't even look at me.

"What?" I say.

"Let me try to remember, oh yes, that you were and obnoxious loser who followed him around like a puppy because he was forced to babysit you?" Georgia laughs again and I feel my hands start to quiver and my heart begins to ache again.

"You told me you wouldn't." I can't form the right sentence and I can't even look at Gavin anymore. I shouldn't be surprised that he's humiliated me once again. I think I've sobered up just the slightest that I've come back to realization.

"Alex!"

My feet don't carry me far enough and walking away from the fire turns my body completely cold and numb. "Stop don't touch me!" I shout. The crowd was forming around us and we seemed to be entertaining them.

"I didn't mean to tell her, or them." He says.

I scoff. "Didn't mean to tell her?" I laugh. "Your a horrible liar and a horrible person."

"Let me take you home." He demands but I push him away again as he tries to come closer.

"No!" I call out. "I never want to see you again this was a mistake." My eyes look around for my friends but I'll never find them easily in this crowd of people. "You humiliated me."

"I know." He answers his voice filled with anger and force my body shudders. "I was angry at you."

"You don't see me telling the word your secrets?" I say and I can tell it pangs him for me to say it because he knows it's true. There isn't much I've learned about Gavin because he loves keeping secrets but I knew things too.

"Your cold, here." I watch as he pulls his black hoodie off in a gesture to be nice. I don't want his stupid fucking sweatshirt. "Please just take it." His voice is softer now and it sounds weak I feel like he's given up. I grab the hoodie and I'm consumed by the warmth as I put it over my head.

"I'll take her home." Ash appears and his company surrounds me with relief but I feel my eyes flood with tears as I finally make eye contact with Gavin.

"Don't go." Gavin says.

I ignore him completely and walk away with Ash to his car and we get inside. "Where's Peyton?"

"With Beckham." Ash replies. "Fuck him, I never should have agreed to this." Ash hits his hands against the steering wheel. I've never seen him this angry before. "I can't take you home."

"Why?" I say through my sobs.

"I'm drunk." Ash sounds disappointed with himself but that explains the sudden anger. I wipe my eyes with the sleeves of Gavins sweatshirt and the last thing I want to do is go back out there to find a ride. I think about sleeping in this car for the night but I'm terrified to stay out here with these people.

Knowing them they'd push this car in are sleep and dump us into the lake as some sick joke.

"Where are you going?" Ash asks me as I open the door and hop out of the car.

"I have to get back home." I tell him. I hope I could find Peyton but finding Peyton also meant running into Beckham which means Gavin could also be around. I could find Zach but I don't want to get him involved in this immature life of mine any longer.

I can't believe I'm actually going back. I stuff my hands into my pockets again and hurriedly find any familiar face. I try not to stare at the looks I'm being given. People could be so mean.

"It's all her fault, now she's got Gavin and Zach against each other." I hear a girl say to one of her friends.

"She's probably some stupid freshman looking for attention."

"How sweet Gavin even gave her his sweatshirt after she practically threatens the poor guy."

I held back the tears. They didn't know the real story and I know they never would. My throats completely closes as I try to swallow the huge lump growing there from crying all day.

Someone grabs my wrists and pulls me behind a few cars away from the crowd and once we stop moving I look up at Gavin. His cold expression makes me want to crawl up into a ball and never talk to another boy again.

"Why are you still here?"

"I need a ride home." I say through a muffled cry. I bring my hands up to my face because I still feel humiliated and I don't want Gavin seeing me this way.

His hands remove mine from my face and force me to look at him. "I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, please stop crying." He asks wiping a tear away with his thumb. His face comes inches closer to mine and one of his hands rest against the vehicle beside my head it causes me to press my back against the cold metal. "You can tell me you hate me or call me a horrible person but I needed you okay."

His head falls down until he looks back up at me and I stop my obnoxious crying. "You don't need me." I reply. "Nobody needs me."

I couldn't have him telling me this now. I was still loopy from the alcohol. As he brings his hand to my cheek I notice his knuckles are bleeding. "What did you do?" I ask him.

"Nothing."

"Gavin what did you do?" I repeat hoping he would tell me for once in his life.

"It's none of your business." He says backing away now. "Let's go."