As soon as I heard the lock unclick I took a deep breath, music filling my ears and was greeted by two men monitoring the doors. I kept a tight hold of my two friends as I looked around for Zoe, but as I did all eyes turned on me. I felt short for breath as many pairs of eyes were locked onto me; what I looked like, what I was wearing and who I was.

Whispers could be heard in amongst the crowd and I saw someone walking over; Zoe who emerged from the people smiling brightly and pulled me into a hug. She held onto my arms as she looked me up and down, exerting pride as she became to me. "Ali you look so pretty!" She squealed and hugged me again, then embraced my friends whom she had met on a few occasions.

She stood in front of us still on top of the stairs and called for everyone's attention. "Everyone!" She spoke up, all the murmuring hushed and the room was silent. All eyes were back on us, inspecting us to see if we were real. "This," She turned to bring me next to her, rather than hide in her shadow. "is my sister, Ali. Yes, there is another Sugg. Ali is not familiar with all of YouTube so just feel free to introduce yourself at anytime. These are Ali's friends Jim and Jess and let's get this party started!" Zoe finished with a big smile and there were claps as the music continued and Zoe told me she would see me later, walking off back into the crowd of strangers.

Letting out a sigh of relief I made my way down the stairs and walked to the drinks table, knowing if I were to mingle with over 70 people in one sitting I would need something stronger than water to get me through it. As I picked up a pink drink I felt a tap on my shoulder, I was faced with a girl I had never met before. She had long straight dark brown hair, a slight tan and bright eyes. "Hi Ali, I'm Gabbie." She introduced herself picking up the same drink as me and sipping it, commenting on how good it was.

"Hey I'm guessing you're one of Zoe's friends, I mean of course you are." I corrected myself and laughed it off.

She stared at me for a moment and I felt slightly uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, it's just like you're real. Like there were rumours and speculations about another Sugg but having you here in the flesh is surreal, and you are so pretty!" She smiled and made me feel at ease.

"Guessing I'm going to get a lot of stares tonight then?" I asked and she nodded. After a bit more of informal chatting with Gabbie we agreed to have a dance later as I walked towards another section of the large space.

Through a doorway I was greeted with more people who were sat down having their own conversations, but stopped when they saw me. I gave a small wave and a few smiled back, others continued to converse as if I hadn't been there. I rolled my eyes and looked out, focusing on the city and how beautiful it looked at night. Seeing the skyline and how it was all lit up against the blanket of darkness above, I could easily get lost in this forever.

"Beautiful isn't it?" I heard a voice next to me and snapped out of my trance, seeing a familiar face and felt myself blush.

Fumbling for words temporarily I tucked some hair behind my ear and kept my gaze on the lights outside in attempt to find myself some form of distraction. "It really is, how people can just see it and think nothing of it amazes me." I chuckled and saw his reflection in the glass, he was looking at me.

"I'm Finn by the way, we met briefly a while ago?" He held his hand out but I declined, hugging him instead. He embraced the hug tightly and I felt at ease in the tense atmosphere.

"You're the one with the twin aren't you? I owe your brother an apology." I felt awkward for a moment and Finn smiled.

He kept his smile locked onto me as I glanced back outside, then turned to face him as I tried to engage in conversation. "So Finn, I'm guessing you are a YouTuber and all?" He shook his shoulders, "How so?"

He began to explain about Jack's channel, and how he was featured from time to time but was more passionate about graphic design and landscapes, meaning he moved away from the YouTube world whilst his brother continued. We conversed for a while before he turned and I saw a matching face walk in, looking about at all the visible faces in the room but stopped on the two of us.

"It's you!" He walked quickly over to us, making me feel a bit anxious by the unusual greeting, guess I should get used to these sort of things. "Ali, not Clara?" He raised an eyebrow in a questionable manner, "Or the charity girl or the girl who walked off after I gave her an ice cream?" I shifted my feet and felt myself a blush creep into my cheeks, having forgotten some of my past incidences. Who knows how many stories there could be awaiting me in that room.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. It's kind of complicated to explain now you put it that way." I rubbed my clammy hands on my dress, not caring for what they thought at that point as I felt strangely comfortable. "But yes I'm Ali, Ali Sugg that is." He looked to Finn who seemed impatient with his twins company.

"So you've remained out of this, the entire time?" He asked, slightly amazed, another thing I can picture myself hearing tonight, where's a drink when you need it? I looked down to my now empty glass and let out a silent sigh to myself.

I nodded, "Well I never wanted to be involved and the fact is people aren't always believing in the fact that we are related. See the resemblance between me and my siblings?" I asked them and they took a minute before shaking their heads. "Exactly, so over 10 million people wouldn't either, since I was adopted so there wasn't a point going through the abuse that follows." I explained to the two of them and they seemed to agree with my reasonings, nodding along and pulling faces as I went on.

After a while we just talked about a few holidays and adventures they had been on, and just reminiscing on childhood tales. I saw Jim enter and told them we would talk later, leaving the two twins stood there without time for a response. As I walked up to Jim his smile faltered. "What's wrong?" I ask placing my hand on his upper arm.

He took a deep breath, glancing around and I did the same, making eye contact with the twins who looked suspicious to what we were discussing and murmured between themselves. I turned away leaving my back to them in case they saw my reaction to whatever Jim was about to tell me. "We just saw Caspar," I felt myself freeze momentarily before Jim continues, "he's here right now and he has been asking for you. He turned up late and wants to talk." He finished and I felt my blood boil, melting the frozen nerves and jitters I previously felt. I looked down to my hands which were shaking but I curled them into fists, channeling my anger solely into my plan.

"Okay." I snapped out of my thoughts, bringing the plan into action now. Jim awaited further word, "We've got to dance, now." I linked my hand to his and moved closer to him, trying to look more like a couple as we made our way to the dance floor. As we moved I tried to picture the two of us in the mirror in that hotel, how we clung together and people thought we were a couple. I kept that in mind as I saw Zoe and I waved towards her which resulted in her coming towards the two of us with him, with Alfie.

Trying to hide my nerves in his presence he remained cheerful, clenching his jaw which I could notice as the lights shone onto him. As they shone around he must've seen the fear in my eyes, causing him to smirk my way momentarily, I felt Jim squeeze my hand to hold me back. "Hey Jim, how have you been?" Zoe asked making light conversation but practically yells due to the blaring music.

"I'm good! I missed this one though." He hugged me tightly and I buried my head in his chest, not wanting to turn and face Alfie again, nerves began to naw in my stomach once again the all too familiar sense returning when I find myself in close proximity with him.

Once I had to let go I turned back, "Zoe, I have to tell you something!" I began and she looked concerned, I placed my hands onto her shoulders so she would look me in the eyes to see how excited I was, or trying to be. "It's nothing bad," I joked as I released my hands from her shoulders and backed away towards Jim, taking note of the suspicious look on Alfie's face. "-in fact it's the opposite!" I reached down for Jim's hand that I had let go of and he held me close to him, kissing my cheek. "Me and Jim are together!" I yelled happily, faking enthusiasm with a big smile and a little giggle on the end, an act I had perfected repeatedly that made me want to be vomit now.

Zoe and Alfie had varying reactions to say the least. Zoe's expression seemed initially startled but soon warmed as she realised what was happening. "Oh my god!" She squealed loudly as she grabbed onto Alfie's shoulder looking genuinely shocked and pleased at the same time, all the while Alfie remained emotionless during Zoe's gush of joy. "I knew it! I kneeewwwww it!" She fist pumped the air as she brought me into a tight hug and swayed us from side to side, leaving me to face Alfie who raised an eyebrow to me which I returned with a sarcastic smile.

"So you're pleased?" I hushed down slightly as I wrapped my arm around Jim's torso, Zoe nodded repeatedly and I let out a sigh of relief, accepting that she believed this and gave Jim the smile I had practised for him to recognise.

"It's great when two people who should be together are together." Alfie piped in as he pulled Zoe back and snaked his arm around her waist sending a chill down my spine.

"Shame you're not then." I muttered under my breath and noticed Jim's chest moving in and out at a quick pace, peering up to see his face I noticed he was laughing and remained silent. "Well." I spoke up breaking the silence as Zoe continued to wear a big smile on her face. "Got plenty of people to meet so we'll catch up later." I hugged my sister and walked off with Jim, once we were out of sight I let out a sigh of relief.

"Hey, hey." Jim clicked his fingers in front of my face and placed his hand on my arm, rubbing it up and down in a soothing motion as I let a few shallow breaths. "We did it. Zoe is convinced and Alfie seems pretty certain of it." He spoke up and tried to encourage me to cheer up a bit as he smiled brightly to me, yet I was still not convinced.

I shrugged my shoulders letting Jim's hand fall off of my shoulder as we moved towards the drinks table, somewhere I hope to familiarise myself with this evening. "We still have the issue of Caspar." I whispered into his ear and he let out a sigh of exhaustion.

"Great." He spoke in a sarcastic tone. "Forgot about him for a minute, if only our plan could've been that simple." Jim picked up another drink from the table and gulped the entire thing down quickly, letting out a refreshed sigh as he shook. "Much better." He grabbed my hand and lead me to the dance floor much to my own protest. "If you want people to believe this you've got to be seen like this!" He made a fair point as I quickly disposed of my empty glass and shrieked as we made it to the cramped dance floor.

As we swayed together and moved closer, wrapping our arms around each other and melting into one person images appeared in my mind. I blinked and turned my head to the beat of the music but with each beat a new image and sound appeared, drowning out the current location. "This is your very first time to a club, let's make sure you leave tonight with some dignity let's get a few drinks then we will do business? Shall we?" His voice echoed through my mind as I could see the wall of colourful and fruity drinks in the distance, blurred out by my vision going in and out of the memory and the present.

My hands grabbed onto Jim as I fumbled on my own feet, Jim let out a laugh not realising what was happening again. "Looks like someone has gone and had too much to drink." He joked but I remained silent as I tried to block out the conversations we had that night, try and get rid of the burning picture of him in my mind.

"you see the way she's looking at him, and how he keeps scratching his head, it's a thing some people do when they feel either guilty or in love." His voice still haunted my thoughts as it was deafening, I repeatedly hit Jim on the chest as I suffered in silence, wanting nothing more than to leave.

"Ali? Ali!" He immediately held onto me as I felt myself going, starting to lose the control over my body. "It's okay, I've got you just stay with me." He spoke up trying to remain calm, but I could just make out how worried he was, it was the same with everyone, even last time.

"Do you ever think people give you that look?" I remember I asked him at that point, not even thinking about what I was saying, how stupid I must've been to get involved in all of it in the first place.

I mumbled to myself and covered my ears as Jim kept a hold of me and lead me towards the doors and opened them where the two guards stood. "Make it stop, make it stop." I cried to myself and Jim said something to the men but I couldn't make out the response.

"Ali?" The voice became more clear, it was overriding the voices in my head and I tried with all my might to focus on that voice, not the others. "Ali, can you focus on my voice? Are you sick?" I knew the voice, it was in my mind but that was failing me I opened my eyes trying to blackout the previous scene and as my vision came back into focus I let out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank goodness! Thought I lost you for a minute." Louise exclaimed as she sat down next to me. "Zoe told me something was wrong a while back." She spoke up as I remained fixated on the pattern of the carpet, not wanting to talk. "I had no idea Ali, I am so sorry that this is happening to you." I didn't respond.

The amount of times I have heard how people are 'sorry' for me, how many people say it must be difficult for me to live like this, having to take a cocktail of pills when I wake up and when I go to sleep at night just to try and maintain a 'normal' life. It was rare that people were truly sorry, only those who knew or experienced it were apologetic and sympathetic, for others it was a mere reaction, something to say rather than let the silence take over.

Part of me knew Louise understood, she always seemed to know about things like this, Zoe would say it's her motherly instinct. "Is she okay?" I heard a different voice ask between pants and my eyes shifted from the carpet to two pairs of converse.

"Guys! I told you not to follow me, please just go back inside." Louise spoke in a stern voice as the others kept quiet.

I turned my head slightly to face Louise, the other two stayed out of focus. She glanced back to me and gave me a look, "It's okay Louise, really." I tried my best to conjure up a small smile but she could tell how hard I wanted to just try. She simply nodded and moved aside.

"I will always be a phone call away lil chummy." She rubbed my arm before motioning to the two guys she was watching them then headed back inside, thanking the guards in her flirtatious tone and disappeared.

Standing right now would be a mistake so I remained against the wall, tapping my head against each other, aimlessly wondering when Jim would be back with some water. "So," I spoke up and tilted my head to see two faces of which I recognised. "Why'd you want to know if I was alright?" A newfound sense of confidence crept into my tone and the two guys looked to each other and back at me.

"He erm," The one with the brown hair pointed to his friend, "we saw you and." He struggled with his words so instead his friend spoke up on their behalf.

"We saw you on the dance floor and wanted to talk about when we met you that time and how nice you were to me and I knew there must've been a reason to recognise you and all but we saw you struggling and you left with that guy and just wanted to know you were okay, so yeah." He gushed and made hand gestures as he went and a small smile appeared on my face.

I let out a small chuckle at their awkwardness, "That was very sweet of you two. Phil and Dan right?" I asked the two of them as I pointed to each of them and they nodded, Dan seemed rather happy that I had remembered his name.

We spoke for a while and it was different, they didn't want to know about the secret and what had happened, they just wanted a chat for a change and I liked it, I liked this new found sense of company where I wasn't having to explain my life story. They both shared some funny stories and Dan was cringing as he explained an incident involving a panic button at a job, I slowly felt myself recollecting and feeling better with each laugh.

"Ali?" Jim peeped his head around to see me laughing along with Dan and Phil on the floor and came towards us cautiously.

I waved him over, "Jim!" I suddenly became rather giddy but stayed seated, not wanting to risk standing up until I have something to drink. "Meet my new friends! This is Dan and this is Phil." I beamed as they both waved to Jim who sat next to me and passed me a drink of water which I gladly excepted. The two guys both got up to head back into the club, "It was lovely chatting to you both! Oh and yes we will definitely meet up soon, just ask Zoe for my number!" I waved them off as I caught one last glimpse of Dan before the doors shut, his smile being the last thing my mind captured.

Jim wiped his forehead as he encouraged me to drink more. "I'm sorry that took me so long," He sighed and glanced to his watch. "I had to find Jess and let her know what happened, she's on her way out, I'm going to go get her and get a cab then we can go okay?" I nodded as I continued to gulp down the water. He gave me one last smile before I motioned for him to go off and leave me to finish the glass of clear liquid, at least this one does less damage.

My lips remained secured onto the glass as I tried not to reflect on my previous thought and focus on the carpet pattern again or the blaring music behind the doors. "Ali, we need to talk about it." He stated again and I shook my head, knowing it was all in my head.

"No." I said aloud, knowing this would all pass if I let it. "You're in my head, you aren't here you can't hurt me." I shook my head and drinked some more water.

"Ali I am not in your head, I would never hurt you." My eyes darted up from the carpet to see him stood before me, I squirmed on the spot and clinged to the wall as I tried to stand up with ease which I struggled with.

I examined my options, routes out but it wouldn't be easy, and I am still unsure on what he is capable of. "You've already hurt me!" My voice dripped with venom as I spoke to him, refusing to make eye contact. "I thought you were different, I thought you would help me!" Tears formed in my eyes without my permission, I fought them back with all my might. "You have ruined me." I spat to him and he didn't interrupt once.

"Please just listen to me for a minute-" He tried to speak but I let out a scoff interrupting him.