Chapter 92

Sleep

They left. Everyone has gone.

I was alone now.

I dragged my dead feet towards Aoi’s room.

Visiting hours were long past, but I knew I needed to be by her side.

She needed someone to be by her side. No matter how much it hurt me to see her like this.

The hall was still empty so I quietly slid open the hospital door and slipped in.

“Aoi..”

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Chapter 93

Sleep

“Aoi-chan…” I said again. My voice shook.

She was lying there motionless.

Her broken body must be hurting.

Soft hair in a disarray,

brushed back from the bandages

wrapped around her forehead.

There was a respirator over her face,

each breath sounded so painful,

a raspy rush of air.

It seemed like it took so much effort just to breathe.

An IV drop and a machine that monitored the heartbeat

were beeping quietly, as if to lie that she was just asleep.

She will be in a stable condition for now.

I heard the doctor’s voice in my head.

Without the IV, without the respirator, she might die, I realized.

Without these machines… I didn’t dare think about it.

Just a few hours ago,

she was smiling, smiling at me.

A few hours ago,

she had her arms around me,

and I felt her warmth all over my body.

A few hours ago,

she had been shining,

as radiant as an angel.

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Chapter 94

Sleep

How could this have happened to her?

Why hadn't it happened to me instead?

I'd give anything to change places with her.

She didn't deserve this.

How could I let her go through this pain?

Now, I could only silently wait by her side.

I found a stool next to her bed and collapsed onto it.

Moments ago, I couldn't cry.

But now, the tears came like a waterfall.

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Chapter 95

Sleep

-Flashback-

I felt the sun all bright and cheery on my face.

It was summer again.

I yawned and stretched my arms out,

embracing the warm humid breeze

wafting down the street,

tickling leaves and flowers along the way,

and sweeping against the old fashioned roofs.

I glanced up at the sound of voices down the road.

There was a huge group of people coming my way.

Girls were clad in yukatas with their hair carefully done,

a rainbow of colours, the guys shyly accompanied their counterpart,

now stunningly beautiful.

I felt green envy creeping up on me. I shook my head.

I sighed as I glanced at my cell phone.

11:30. Where was she?

Then I felt an arm gently snake through my own.

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Chapter 96

Sleep

I spun, surprised.

“You snuck up on me!”

She gave me a grin in reply.

Her hair bobbed, as it was tied up high, like a blossoming flower.

The pink yukata she had on accentuated the healthy blush on her cheeks.

I admired how she looked so happy, so content,

like she was overflowing with happiness.

Perhaps she looked like someone who was in love and was loved.

Her bright eyes smiled at me. “Ikou?”

Her arm wrapped around my own and she shifted closer to me.

Then she gave me the most radiant smile ever, the dimples on her cheeks showing.

Her most beautiful smile..

-End of Flashback-

Was now gone.

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Chapter 97

Sleep

...

I heard the alarm before I woke up.

It was echoing incessantly in my head.

My eyes refused to open, the severe pang in my temples was a jackhammer.

I reached over to the alarm and brought my wrath down upon it.

It squeaked.

Luckily, my alarm was the average ordinary digital display encased in cheap plastic,

a rustic worn color from an even more ordinary insignificant store.

Unlike the abnormal gadgetry overtaking stores across Japan,

my ordinary life, my ordinary alarm

did not run around on wheels,

taunting its sleepwalking master.

All it took was well-practiced aim from many mornings of interrupted sleep

-- something I had only just obtained.

I slowly sat up in bed, lifting my aching body and glanced at my clock.

The red digits blared “You’re late."

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Chapter 98

Sleep

I sighed.

I didn't feel like going to school.

I had no reason to go.

There was nothing for me there anymore.

My friends had their fun, oblivious to anything else.

They didn’t have any cares in the world.

I was different.

But all they had for me was a look of pity.

They didn’t understand.

I didn’t need cheering up.

There was a ragged hole that no one can ever fill.

Something fake laughter and jest would never fill.

Those things were painful. As if I was forgetting something.

School wasn’t a place I belonged anymore.

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Chapter 99

Sleep

I remember Aoi used to wake me up for school.

She would always come get me early in the morning

and every time, I would be dead to the world.

She would pull my pillow right from underneath my head,

hitting me with it until I woke up.

When I woke up,

she would hug me tight,

despite my bed-head,

foul breath and the sleep in my eyes.

The first person I saw every morning was Aoi.

The first voice I heard.. wasn’t an alarm. It was Aoi.

The reason I went to school, was because of Aoi.

I didn’t realize I could live without her.

But I am alive…

only every day…

had become meaningless.

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Chapter 100

Sleep

“The next step in the equation will become 2x=6+…”

The teacher’s voice was already drifting off in the corner of my mind.

Outside, the girl’s gym class was on the basketball court.

Aoi loved basketball. We often played together.

But I had stopped playing ever since that day.

I didn’t want to think about basketball anymore.

Somehow, even girls had become something I didn’t want to think about.

Friends would talk about that smart girl from class 1A or that dancer from a senior class.

Every little thing reminded me of her.

Every little thing urged me to rush back to her side.

Was my care for Aoi too much? Was it pointless now?

Was it something that drained the life out of me?

I didn’t want to think about anything else other than Aoi.

I felt like I was betraying her.

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Chapter 101

Sleep

Above, the sky was blue;

the clouds drifting lazily in the light breeze.

But it was all temporary.

The wind would be picking up soon.

The air would turn colder and more frigid.

The sun would move further and further away.

Its warmth deserting us.

The skies will turn grey soon.

Morning birdsong would soon be gone soon.

Fall would come. Then winter. The seasons of change.

I felt a light tap on my shoulder.

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Chapter 102

Sleep

I nearly jumped out of my reverie.

Turning around reluctantly, I had no intention of partaking of life's events.

“Seiji-kun.” I heard a small whisper.

I raised a nonchalant eyebrow at Ashiya Shiori who sat behind me.

“What?”

She gave me a pout. “Gosh, you don’t have to be so cold do you?”

She reached into her bag and pulled out a folded piece of paper.

“Here.”

A note?

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Chapter 103

Sleep

“I did my job!” She announced quickly and grinned,

puting up both palms as if to say don’t bother me anymore.

For a moment, I wanted to believe it had been Aoi,

playing a prank on me. In the beginning, she had always been quiet,

until she grew comfortable with me. Every day had become laughter.

I shrugged and unfolded the paper.

There were only a few characters of kana written in small purple lettering.

They starkly differed from Aoi's light blue handwriting,

round and plump, curling gently and softly.

These characters were slanted like they were italicized unintentionally.

Seiji, can I have your email address? It said.

I looked more carefully. There was no name.

Nothing.

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Chapter 104

Sleep

I felt someone looking at me and let my eyes wander, hoping to catch the culprit.

All I saw were students paying full attention to the lesson.

Who was it?

This was exactly the type of “events” I didn’t want to mingle with.

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Chapter 105

Sleep

“There’s no name.” I said simply.

She shrugged.

I exhaled and plopped the note back on Ashiya’s desk.

“Hey! What the heck?” She said a little bit too loudly.

Immediately, the teacher swooped angrily on us. “Keep it quiet over there!”

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Chapter 106

Sleep

Shiori didn’t give up. “She’ll kill me if you don’t take this.” She hissed at me.

“Well, tell her I’m not going to take a note from a stalker-chan.”

“Jerk.”

I turned nonchalantly back to the blackboard, surprising myself.

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Chapter 107

Sleep

I felt different. I was never like this.

How did I ever manage to say these things?

How did I manage to act this way?

What happened to me? Where was my smile?

I no longer knew who I was.

I felt a sudden pang of pain.

Perhaps I knew it was an act.

To protect myself. To act tough.

Because I knew I was scared.

Because I didn’t want others to see me like this.

Because I didn't want others to see my tears.

Because I didn’t want to hurt someone else.

Because I was the one to blame.

When would these things pass? When would Aoi-chan wake up?

Aoi-chan answer me. Wake up.

I don’t know who I am anymore.

I need you.

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Chapter 108

Sleep

“Sei-kun.” It was Takashi.

“Yo.”

“Are you coming?”

I hesitated. “Where?”

“You don’t remember? We’re going to karaoke bar today. You said you were going..”

Takashi looked terribly disappointed. I almost didn’t want to shrug him off.

“Sorry man, something came up.” I replied smoothly.

I started to pick up my schoolbag and turned to amble off.

“Seiji.” He said, louder this time. He sounded angry.

“You’re just going to the hospital aren’t you? I know all about it.”

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Chapter 109

Sleep

I stopped in my tracks.

He continued, “Aoi won’t leave if you went later you know?

I think she would want you to take some time off.”

I knew his good intentions. But I could only feel anger rising.

Aoi won’t leave? I trembled with anger. How could he not understand?

“Leave me alone.” I snarled.

“Seiji…” He sounded concerned. But I didn’t need his pity. I didn’t need their pity.

“It’s none of your business.”

Instead, I spun and left him standing there.

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Chapter 110

Sleep

I had nearly lost her. How can I not be scared?

Even the doctor said she would be in stable condition for now.

For now.

I need to be by her side, as much as I can.

What if her condition all of a sudden got worst?

Or what if she woke up?

I knew I had to be the first face she would see.

She would want to see me.

I wasn’t going to let someone else come in between us.

Not even my best friends.

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Chapter 111

Sleep

It didn't take long to find myself heading down the halls of the hospital, to Aoi’s room.

It was the usual, quiet stillness,

the kind that bore a solemnity.

It was a familiar atmosphere in hospitals,

a clean sterile smell,

mixed with the sound of emptiness.

By the time I reached the sliding door,

I realized I had been wandering,

aimlessly shuffling my feet.

Was I reluctant to come here, day after day?

I convinced myself that it wasn’t so.

It couldn’t be so. I wouldn’t believe that.

The door was slightly ajar.

I pulled it open with a little effort and it slid soundlessly.

I looked into the room.

Someone was there.

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Chapter 112

Sleep

The someone turned out to be a girl who spun around in surprise at my entrance.

“Eto…” She stammered, her fingers nervously covering her mouth.

She wore a cap and had her long hair tied up in a ponytail.

Her pink shirt was fitting and a white skirt revealed her long legs.

It was not likely that someone could just forget her flawless face.

Still, I didn’t recognize her from anywhere.

I checked the room.

The room was left untouched;

Aoi-chan was still lying peacefully,

a soft beep monitoring her heartbeat.

It seemed like the girl had only delicately sat down

on the stool without moving a single thing.

“Who are you?” I asked bluntly. How else could I put it?

She mumbled something, looking shyly down at the floor.

Then instead, she stood up quickly,

gathered her bag and ran out the door.

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Chapter 113

Sleep