Chapter 71

Aftermath

“Seiji-kun, are you coming with us?”

“Nah.”

He sighed and slapped me on the shoulder. “Well then, see you later.”

I merely gave a curt nod and slung my schoolbag over my shoulder. Then I turned and headed for home.

It has been three months. Summer vacation was over. The sun was no longer shining.

Everything seemed gray to me. A drab and dark gray.

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Chapter 72

Aftermath

I saw my friends laughing and joking around.

Voiceless mouths,

opening and closing,

white teeth ear to ear.

High school students were finally back in school.

Somehow it was like the reuniting of families.

But I couldn’t help but completely drift off alone.

They told me I changed. Ever since that time.

I still remembered that night clearly.

It replayed in my mind like an reoccuring nightmare.

Aoi. My dear Aoi.

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Chapter 73

Aftermath

As soon as I got home, instead of going inside as one might normally do, every day I would pull out my bike. I rushed to get on and pushed off down the street.

I could feel the refreshing wind on my face now.

Wait for me, Aoi. I’m coming.

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Chapter 74

Aftermath

“Aoi-chan?” I said as I opened the sliding door to her room.

I didn’t hear her reply. Of course, I hadn’t expected to. Still, I can’t help but hold on to my stubborn hope. It was all I had left.

I set the fresh vase of flowers on the nighttable next to her bed. It was a weekly ritual. Fresh flowers every week. But a million flowers wouldn’t have been enough.

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Chapter 75

Aftermath

I took my regular place on the stool next to her bed and slowly let my weight on to it, as if I was careful to not make a sound. The delicate silence in the air that cradled her was tainted with sadness.

I reached over to gently brush the hair from her forehead, and let my fingers hold her small still hand. She looked like she was asleep, so quiet, so peaceful. But I knew she would much rather be smiling and laughing.

No, a million sorry’s wouldn’t have been enough.

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Chapter 76

Aftermath

It has been three months since that day.

The accident that I saw with my own eyes. I blacked out when the paramedics arrived but when I came to, we were at the hospital already. I had jumped up out of my bed sweating and shouting hysterically for Aoi.

She had been in the operation room.

I had been so numb with fear.

What if something happened to her? What do I do?

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Chapter 77

Aftermath

The operation room’s light was on.

I couldn’t feel anything but numbness.

I couldn’t feel my hands and feet.

I couldn’t think straight.

There was only silence.

With my head down, I couldn’t see much but my feet and the pale floor beneath me. Her parents were standing there holding each other, her mom crying, sobbing. I didn’t have a heart to lift up my head to look at them. I couldn’t even begin to face them. I knew it was because of me.

Because I didn’t protect her like I said I would. Because of my foolishness.

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Chapter 78

Aftermath

I heard running footsteps and voices down the hall. I couldn’t make out who it was, since the lights were dim and flickering. The hospital was about ready to close for the night.

“Seiji!”

I felt my head slowly raise up on its own. I was nauseous from the lack of sleep, my body depleted and crashing after all the adrenaline through my body.

“Seiji-kun!”

I probably looked like death as I gazed upon my friends.

“Are you okay?” I felt a hand on my shoulder. I wasn’t sure whose it was.

I didn’t reply.

Instead I turned to look at the operation room.

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Chapter 79

Aftermath

We were sitting now.

I had my head buried in my hands,

exhausted from shouting, screaming,

and from mind-numbing fear.

What would I do without her?

She has been so much of my life that I can’t bear to think of an answer.

I want to do something. Anything for her. Why couldn’t I save her? Why am I just sitting here?

There was nothing I can do.

There was nothing I could do.

There was nothing I was doing.

Useless. I heard a voice echo in my head. Useless.

I would much rather be crying. But I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t feel anything.

Why? Why wasn’t I crying?

I want to feel pain, I want someone to yell at me,

tell me to my face that it was my fault.

I want someone to hit me.

Stealing a glance around, all my friends too had their heads hung.

They all rushed here in the middle of the night upon hearing the news.

Miko and Juria were breaking down in tears.

Yusuke, Akira and Soshi were in a corner still as statues.

A few seats down, Aoi’s parents were there, now quiet.

It was all deathly still.

Takashi, who was next to me kept turning to glance at me, wondering if I was okay.

I wasn’t sure I was okay.

But I didn’t care.

I just wanted Aoi to be fine.

I just wanted to see her warm smile again.

I just wanted to hug her and hold her tight.

Is that such an impossible wish?

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Chapter 80

Aftermath

“Seiji.”

I looked up.

“Oyaji?” I saw my dad’s face swimming above me.

I blinked twice trying to clear the dizziness from my eyes.

He had concern written all over his face.

“But you’re on a business trip, why are you here?”

“We rushed over as soon as we could.”

I heard my mom’s voice behind him.

“Are you alright?”

I tried to smile. I was relieved they were here. But my lips barely twitched.

I slowly turned my gaze back to the operation room.

For a few moments I thought I was hallucinating.

The light had just turned off.

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Chapter 81

Aftermath

I looked at it again. The light was really off.

For a moment I froze not knowing what to do.

What if they couldn’t… save her? What if… I could never hear her voice again? See her smile?

I almost didn’t want to find out.

But I didn’t have a choice did I?

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Chapter 82

Aftermath

I heard the door squeak open in protest.

I stood up.

There was the sound of footsteps and I saw the pale white of the doctor’s gown appear.

I took a few steps forward but felt my shambling feet stop. Immobile.

He looked at us quietly.

“Sensei?” I heard someone’s voice say.

“Aoi..” I started but paused to try to stop shaking.

“She’s okay right? You’re going to tell me she’s okay right?”

His eyes looked grave.

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Chapter 83

Aftermath

“We did everything we can..” He began. I felt myself shaking more.

“And she will be in a stable condition for now.” I breathed out.

That meant she was fine right? She was okay right?

Then the next few words hit me like a truck.

“But I’m afraid she will be in a coma.”

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Chapter 84

Aftermath

“What?” I blurted without thinking.

“You’re kidding right?” I felt an uncontrolled anger bubbling inside.

He didn’t answer me.

“When will she wake up?” I asked him desperately. I heard my voice cracking.

“Unfortunately, I do not know.” The doctor sighed.

“That depends on Uchida-san herself.

It could be tomorrow, it could be a few months from now, or years later. We won’t know.”

“What’s important is that I hope you all will give her the

hope and strength she needs to pull through. Please support her.

The patient will need this very much. Hopefully, she will be able to wake up.”

Hopefully? Able to wake up?

His words echoed in my head. I felt disoriented. What was he saying?

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Chapter 85

Aftermath

“You’re kidding right?” I whispered again.

He said nothing. Then he said quietly, “Excuse me.”

We watched him leave.

Then I heard Aoi’s parents breaking down in tears.

I felt my heart shatter, not for the first time. I looked at the ground.

It was my fault. Aoi’s condition, was my fault.

I wondered if I deserved to be her boyfriend.

If I couldn’t even protect her from a petty thief.

Just as I was thinking that, I felt someone push me. Hard.

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Chapter 86

Aftermath

I slammed into the wall behind me and felt a million stars burst around me.

The world was spinning again.

My lack of sleep, racing mind and disoriented nerves put me in some sort of alternate universe.

“It’s all your fucking fault!”

I felt a ton of bricks hit me as someone’s fist collided with my cheeks.

But even in my muddled condition, I knew he hadn't intended the punch to be full force.

“Aoi loved you and this is what you did to her! You bastard.”

Still smarting from the first punch, I saw another fist clenching up ready to strike again.

Punch me again. I wanted to say.

Just a while ago I was hoping for someone to hit me.

My wish was finally granted. And granted twice.

Because those were the words I wanted to say to myself.

But I knew I wouldn't be able to.

Then I saw a face in front of me. It was Yusuke.

Huh?

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Chapter 87

Aftermath

I felt a thousand arms pulling at me, forcing us apart.

I saw Yusuke’s face furrowed in anger.

He was struggling to come at me again.

But his face was getting further and further away.

Did he like her or something? Had he liked Aoi all along?

Was that why he was so angry?

“You bastard!” I heard his voice shout.

“You were there with her weren’t you.

But you didn’t do anything! You didn’t save her!”

Someone had me in a hold already, I didn’t realize I was struggling too.

What was I struggling for? Maybe to get Yusuke to hit me again.

“It’s not his fault!” Juria came to my defense. “He couldn’t do anything!”

Stop defending me.

“Yusuke you fucking traitor. Did you think of how much Seiji must be hurting right now?”

Takashi was next in line to defend me. That guy.

Upon hearing that, Yusuke settled down.

He still had a look of contempt on his face.

The arms holding him back warily released him.

I felt the arms around me let go too.

For a few moments no one said a word.

A tense silence hung in the air.

I was still looking at the ground.

But when I looked up, I saw faces that I didn’t recognize.

How many of them were blaming me for this? How many were defending me?

More over, what would our friendships become?

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Chapter 88

Aftermath

“Sorry…” I heard myself say. What a joke. A million sorry’s wouldn’t have been enough.

“It’s an accident... no one wants it to happen...” I heard Soshi sigh.

All of us were dead quiet, looking at the ground,

at the walls, at the door, in our own thoughts.

I had my eyes fixed on the floor.

“Sorry.” I said again. My heart throbbed as I apologized again.

The truth was, I wanted to scream for someone to hit me again.

I wanted to fall to my knees and beg for forgiveness.

Beg the heavens and earth for forgiveness.

Most of all, beg Aoi for forgiveness.

But I knew she wouldn’t reply.

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Chapter 89

Aftermath

In silence they departed.

“We’ll come to visit tomorrow.” Takashi told me.

I gave him a quiet nod and thanked him.

It was just me, my parents and Aoi’s parents left now.

They were still sobbing.

I hung my head without an idea of what to say.

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Chapter 90

Aftermath

“Sorry.” I said again, this time to Aoi’s parents.

They looked up at me and her father gave me a weak smile.

Her mom however looked really upset.

She opened her mouth to say something but clamped her lips back together.

I remembered she was the one who told me to take care of Aoi.

I failed to keep my promise. I wished for her to yell at me.

For her to be silent was torture.

Her father gave me a brief nod before leaving.

With his arms around his wife supporting her grieving frame,

they shambled off down the hall. They looked like they had just lost everything.

Their precious daughter.

I too had just lost the world to me.

We could only hope that she would wake up again and be able to smile and laugh again.

Aoi…

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Chapter 91

Aftermath

“I want to spend some time alone.”

I announced a few moments later.

“Please go home first.”

They looked at each other and then back at me,

before giving me a quiet nod and a worried look.

“I’ll be fine.” I added with much effort in holding back my feelings.

“Alright.” My father replied. “Come home when you’re ready.”

They turned towards the exit.

As I looked at their retreating backs, they looked different from Aoi’s parents.

It wasn’t their own child that had been in the accident. What would be better?

I wished it was me that got hurt and not Aoi.

But my parents would be just as devastated as Aoi’s.

I just wish this never happened.

Why did it have to happen?