chapter thirty nine

"tate?" lydia questioned, looking up at the boy sitting a few feet away from her on the couch.

"hm?" tatum replied, glancing up from his phone to check on his little. she was still sat with her knees pressed against her chest, sending her eyes around the room in curiosity as there was nothing else that she could do.

"do you ever think about having a baby?" she asked, her voice holding genuine curiosity. tatums head immediately snapped up to look at the girl, doing his best to hide his excited confusion.

"you want a baby, little?" he asked hopefully. tatum held a large smile on his face, as he felt as though his heart was beginning to beat through his chest with excitement.

"well, i want you to have a baby so i can have someone to hangout with." she answered. lydia didn't know too much about the subject, but at times where tatum was scrolling through his phone she felt as though she had nothing else to do but allow her mind to wander.

"little, i would need your help to get a baby. but if you wanted a baby, you could have a baby. you don't like hanging out with me?" he replied, slightly chuckling at the answer she provided.

"but why can't you just ask someone else for help?" her confusion grew as she answered.

"because if i wanted a baby, then i would want it with you. why do you want a baby anyways, little?" he questioned further.

"i- i don't want a baby i just want something to do with myself," she began. "sometimes when you're busy i feel lonely and bored, so i want something that would be able to fill the gaps." she finished.

tatum thought for a moment before speaking. he thought his little was extremely precious, however he was let down by her responses. thinking about where she was coming from, though, he could find it in himself understand how she felt.

"i know what we can do for the rest of the day, my love." he spoke.

-

"i don't want you to get a headache, tate. please lift your head off of the window." lydia gently reminded him, as she always took notice of his small habits.

"you listen to me, little. i do not listen to you." he playfully warned, still taking his head off of the car window anyways.

tatum had simply always driven with his head leaned against the car window. he felt as though it calmed his brain and kept it quiet. the vibration made his brain focus on one specific thing which he enjoyed as his brain was not very kind to him otherwise.

tatum always struggled to realize as to why his brain was this way, but he had been trying what he could to fix it since he realized he had it different than most. tatum couldn't tell if he was a bad person or not, and he often wondered as to why his brain worked so much differently than others. he was often told by his grandmother that his brain was perfect the way it was, but he didn't ever believe so. in fact, tatum sometimes thought to himself that he didn't think his brain wanted him to know what was wrong with it. but tatum never stopped trying to fix it, even if he didn't know what it was.

that's why he tried taking different meds, but the problem was there when he realized that he couldn't tell if they were helping him or not. so at times, this lead him to stop taking them. he never noticed the difference, why continue? tatum was blind to how different he was when he was not taking his meds.

"this is so cute, look at the flowers!" lydia broke tatum out of his thought process with her excited tone. hearing this tone of hers always brought the boy out of whatever was running through his mind, and for that he would forever cherish it.

as tatum began to recognize his surroundings, he let out a sigh. he would usually get himself too deep into thought when he took his head off the window, which clicked to him as to why he didn't quite remember how he got to his destination.

tatum exited his car after staring at his brothers house for a moment, walking around to the passenger side to collect his little. tatum had felt bad for not realizing how bored the girl must be when he had the freedom to scroll through his phone, so although he was mad at his brother, he would fix it.

"where are we, tate?" lydia gently questioned, wrapping her fingers around tate's hand as he placed his into hers.

"my brothers house." he responded in a low tone, signaling to lydia to not continue to conversation. and she didn't, but she wanted to. tatum had never mentioned his brother before, or even the fact that he had a family at all. lydia felt as though she felt more comfortable being around tatum when she realized he was a person too, and not just someone that was strange.

"no fucking way," an unknown voice to lydia laughed from the side of the home the two approached. they both quickly looked up, being met with the sight of tatums brother, kreed.

"shut the fuck up, kreed. we're going inside." tatum snapped, squeezing lydias hand slightly tighter.

"not without the key," kreed taunted, holding up his house key in his hand. "never know when you're going to come around." he mocked further as he walked towards the front door.

"show her the library." tatum ordered towards his brother as they entered the home. kreed's home was cute, to lydia at least. she enjoyed the homey feel of the place, and she slowly began to realize how dull tatums home had been. kreeds home was a comforting cabin, which held lots of space and rooms. kreed was pretty successful in his life, but it wouldn't stop him from doing things he wasn't supposed to be doing, with thanks to his brother.

"you like to read books, little lydia?" kreed asked, glancing at the girl as he directed them down the hall and towards the library room.

"i do!" lydia exclaimed with joy. "books help to keep you busy, and sometimes they even make you know more things."

"what if it's a book about obstruction and death?" kreed teased.

"kreed." tatum growled, causing kreed to stop his jokes.

"o- oh i don't read those," lydia stuttered.

"he was just messing with you, baby. there are no books like that in this library." tatum comforted, as he delivered a loving pat onto the girls head. lydia nodded, attempting to peak into the glass windows that connected the library to the house as they approached. the windows to the library were very tinted, though.

"it's not much, but it's a safe space alright." kreed stated, opening the two doors that welcomed those into the room. lydia stared at the room in shock once she saw it, as it brought her extreme excitement to see so many options. she could spend hours in here if she could, and boy did she want to.

"pick out as many as you'd like, little. you're taking them home," tatum began. "i have to make a phone call, watch her kreed." he warned, flashing his brother his waistband in which held his firearm. lydia didn't notice, of course. she was in seventh heaven currently, and she carried no interest in listening to the conversation being held nor responding to tatum.

kreed responded with a nod of his head, and with that tatum stepped out of the room.

"this is so exciting, you even have animal planet books!" lydia exclaimed as she scanned the cluttered shelves. kreed laughed before responding.

"you read animal planet books? i just like to look at the pictures," the boy replied lightly.

"well, between the two of us, sometimes i just look at the pictures, too. but most of the time i enjoy learning about the animals themselves." lydia explained as she flipped through the pages of a study book of cheetahs.

"o- oh." lydia quickly mumbled, holding a disappointed look on her face. "they eat bunnies." she stated blankly as she skimmed the page of the cheetahs aggressive qualities.

"what did you think they ate, berries?" kreed laughed, picking up the book from her hands.

"why don't you read something more lighthearted," he began before skimming the current shelf she was occupying. "like, this one." he finished, hanging lydia a book that he thought was colorful enough to distract her mind from the previous images.

"kreed! that was perfect, you're perfect! i love butterflies so much, tatum knows all about it, too! thank you, really!" she excitedly cheered, placing her hand out as to politely ask kreed for the book.

kreed paused for a moment before handing the girl his book with a smile. the words that lydia had chosen to use had taken him aback once more. her wording had made him feel appreciated, and he had never felt that before. it was one of the things he felt that he had always lacked, love and appreciation. he understood that lydia meant it in a kind friendly way, but his heart still fluttered nonetheless.

"lydia," tatum called as he pushed the two large doors open once more. lydias head arose from her book, and she delivered tatum a large smile on her face.

"look, tatum! it's a butterfly book, he has everything in here!" she exclaimed as she arose herself back to her normal height, walking quickly towards tatum with her book in hand.

"that's wonderful, baby. you're going to be kept busy now, yeah?" he said, placing a quick kiss on her forehead. lydia nodded as she did feel as though she was now complete. she had collected herself numerous books in the time that tatum had been gone, although it had only seemed like minutes.

"get her things, kreed. you've saved yourself another day." tatum spoke with a hint of threat in his tone. kreed sent him a nod, and with that lydias things were collected and the three began to make their way back to the front of the home.

"it was nice meeting you, kreed. thank you for the books! i hope that we will be back soon!" lydia excitedly spoke as she exited the house through the front door that tatum had held for her.

"i hope so too, lydia. goodbye tatum." kreed replied as he began to close the door to his home.

he enjoyed lydia, and he enjoyed having the presence of a gentle soul in his home. he hadn't known lydia well at all, but he enjoyed the way she made him feel. appreciated.

and from there, kreed decided that he would look for that everywhere he went.

-

hi / goodnight guys it's super late :p

i love updating this book sm because i always have so many random ideas to incorporate, and i promise that u guys won't get bored with any of the updates that i have planned hehe

i've been seeing a HUGE increase in comments regarding the way that lydia is treated in this book / the things tatum does to her, and please believe me when i say i mean no harm with my writings EVER. my intention is never to make any of my readers uncomfortable, but instead to portray a storyline that has many troubles and mental illness attachments connected to it. the storyline of the way that lydia is treated / the way tatum acts & reacts to things is extremely important to the way this story continues and eventually ends, and my goal is portray tatums mental health issues in a way that helps others recognize an abusive relationship, as well as helping to remind those of us to realize how being naive can be extremely dangerous and we should ALWAYS take the time to educate ourselves on the dangers of not being educated enough to be able to protect ourselves in certain unfortunate situations, (even tho they shouldn't be happening in the first place??) no matter the gender.

ANYWAYS that's so many words omg AS ALWAYSSS i love u all and appreciate all the support i have received from each and every one of you <3