Sam, Seb, Abby and I sat in Sams room after dinner with his mom and brother.

I layed down in Sams bed, covering myself in his blankets and flailing around aggressively as the three looked through my bands old songs.

"Their reallly good Y/n!" Sam ran over to me, stopping the music and pulling me from his bed onto the ground next to his bed.

"I was gonna ask.. who's the one singing?" Abby mentioned.

Ah..

'Me' I signed.

I've been teaching them how to do sign language for the time I've been here.

"That's your voice!?" Abby yelled in shock.

Sam stared, jaw dropped.

'It was really high back then..' I wrote down in the notebook as it was probably difficult for them to understand.

"Wait! There's videos out there of you right?" Sam asked.

I nodded and pulled out Sams laptop, setting it down on his bed as we all sat in a half circle on the ground, searching up my band name on YouTube and showing them our page.

The three stared in shock.

"That's a lot of people listening to your music.." Sebastian muttered.

We used to do tons of live shows in the city..

"You wrote all these albums?" Sam asked in shock from the amount on the page.

'I had a lot in my mind, it was those angsty teenage years, you know..'

"Wait but didint you have that notebook in middle school? How were you able to speak highschool?" Abby asked.

'this notebook was just a thing I made in class to talk to my friends, I actually started using the notebook end of senior year in highschool to talk to people'

They nodded in understanding.

"What's this album?" Sam asked.

I looked over to where the cursor hovered.

'Slow dance, we used to do a lot of improv and ended up making tons of slow dance songs.. we'd put a poll up every week and people who listened to our music would get to chose what genre and what the song was gonna be about'

My wrist hurts..

"That's clever.. giving the fans what they want" Abby grinned.

I smiled at her and Sam played a song causing me to jump back up into the bed and cover my ears in embarrassment.

Sebastian sighed and continued listening.

"I don't get it.. your voice went from belting in the other songs to angelic in this one" Sam whined.

'Thank you for explaining my vocal range..' I sat up and rolled my eyes sarcastically.

He smiled and they all went back to watching the video.

Sitting behind the laptop I watched them and frowned, Sams blanket around my shoulders.

Listening to my voice was really a pain in the ass..

Say something Y/n..

Just say something to them..

I opened my mouth, trying to get a word to the three.

But nothing came out.

You trust them right?

Why can't you just say something?

Why are you so useless all the time.

For fucks sake just SPEAK.

"Freak"

"Mute"

"Say something"

"JUST SAY SOMETHING ITS NOT THAT HARD"

"SPEAK TO US Y/N"

"WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?"

"FREAK"

"USELESS"

"FREAK"

"MUTE"

"Freak."

"Y/n!?" Abby stood up.

I looked up at her in surprise.

What happened?

"Are you okay!? Why are you crying? Did hearing yourself make you sad!? I'm so sorry!" She panicked, hugging me.

Say something.

Just say.

One thing.

"What're you..?" Sebastian trailer off, confused to what I was trying to do.

I rubbed my tears, picking up my notebook.

'Sorry.. I just heard the music we used to make and wanted to try talking, long story short it didint work.. I didint realize I was crying sorry'

Abby sighed and hugged me tightly.

"Did I ever tell you that I found some pictures of us as kids..?" She muttered.

I tilted my head in confusion and she let go, smiling at me before walking to her backpack.

Out came a shoebox, she opened it and sat on the bed with me as the two guys watched.

"Look" Abby held up a picture to me.

It was me.

Her.

And a bunch of bugs we found and captured in the forests by my farm.

I stared in shock.

"There's more" she laughed and poured out all the pictures.

I stared at all of them.

Tons with the four of us hanging out.

Woah..

"Pretty sure we all forgot how it was like back then.. but I bet there's more pictures like this somewhere" Abigail smiled at me.

I stared at her.

I might not know how it was like, being able to speak.

Forgetting everything.

But somehow.

I'll be able to.

My eyes watered a bit and I rubbed them of the tears before turning to look at her and smiling.

The laptop was still playing music, I sat in the ground and searched for the very last song my band and I had made.

I watched the video.

Hiro, our keyboard player was always the one to take them and edit them to post.

Never had a record label, never got anyone else to make them.

I watched the way the strumming for my old guitar went.

Where are you anyways?

Probably at the old apartment..

There was a lot of us actually.

It was me, Dexter, Hiro, November, Molly, and Nancy.

Dexter, Nancy, and I have been friends our entire lives.

I met Hiro in college for the time I was there.

Before that we had another keyboard player..

Not gonna talk about him..

November I met in highschool and Molly in middle school.

Nancy was the manager, working out the money and live shows.

I wrote the songs and sang lead.

Dex also sang with me.

I was lead guitarist with Dexter as bassist.

our band was weird and switched up from time to time so I played drums at a few shows.

The switches got November and Molly to play aswell.

It was all so complicated yet so perfect..

"Y/n?" Sam asked.

'I still have a ton of song notebooks in a box somewhere.. there's even unfinished songs and unreleased ones.. I'll get going now' I placed the notebook on Sams bed and quickly got ready to leave.

"Wait, we'll come with" Sebastian took my hand.

I stared at him before nodding as Sam gave me my notebook and pen.

_______________________________

We quickly got to my small cottage and I dug under my bed for boxes.

There were many manga and sketchbooks but no music journals.

"Is this it?"

I looked over to Sebastian who had his hand over a box, the sides read 'band shit'.

The lid was opened quickly and there sat photo books, music sheets, scrambled lyric pages everywhere, mixtapes and song journals.

There you are.

I took out one of the photo books, the oldest one specifically..

Inside were pictures of me, Dexter, and Nancy.

We were at the park, doing whatever took our interests.

At the bottom it said, 'mixtape #1'

My mom probably filmed everything.

The next page were photos of us checking out guitars that were sitting on the shelf of a music store.

I was outside staring at the first guitar I ever had.

I'd say we were about five..

We started the band in seventh grade..

Making songs and never letting anybody hear them until highschool..

The next couple pictures I skipped but Abby went back to to make fun of me as it was me falling over many times from the weight of the guitar.

Quickly turning the books we went through my elementary, middle, and highschool years.

College years weren't that long as I was suspended for stupid reasons.

I pretty much have the right to go back now but there's no way I'm doing that.

"Wow you were really energetic weren't you?" Sam grinned at me.

I stared at one picture of me from highschool with Dexter, Nancy, November, the old keyboard player, and Molly.

We're all were.

Also very expressive..

I smiled at the way we dressed, all the braclets, dyed hair, and other things just screamed emo but whatever..

That was before..

I hope..

The Mcr pin sat on my overalls.

"You said some of these were unreleased?" Sebastian handed me one of the song books.

'Many pages yeah' I signed as the sentence was short.

He nodded and stared down at some music sheets I made for the previous keyboard player.

He looked at them and back to me in concern as it was crumpled and even showed signs of being soaked.

I had cried about those sheets many times.

'Those were my boyfriends, well.. ex.. well? Actually we never broke up but I guess he counts as an ex now' I smiled awkwardly, feeling embarrassed, also writing back in my notebook.

"Oh really? What happened?" Abby jumped into the conversation.

'He kinda..'

I hung my neck and pulled up with my hand.

Please get this, I'm feeling guilty...

"Oh!" Abby yelled.

She held my shoulder and covered her mouth in shock.

'It's okay! It was a while ago anyways..'

Highschool end of senior year actually..

"C-can I take these?" Sebastian asked, I looked over to the music sheets.

'I mean sure.. but that was one of the songs I never finished..'

He took the sheets into his hand and I nodded to him for approval.

He nodded back and I put everything back in the box.

"You ever gonna finish the songs?" Abby asked.

We all sat on the ground staring at the box.

'Maybe'

"What was that again?" Sam asked as I signed my words.

"She said maybe" Sebastian muttered.

I smiled at him in a heartwarming feeling.

I was over in his room the other day..

We sat by his computer and I watched him work while talking to him and giving the guy company.

One of the tabs open was about ASL..

something like 'more about ASL'

Sebastians the only person to ever put this much effort into trying to speak to me..

'Actually.. maybe I'll do it right now..' I wrote down on a piece of paper.

"Wait.. really!?" Sam got up in excitement.

'Nvm I just realized I left my guitar and drums with my previous band members'

"W-wait! Call them! Call them! I wanna meet them!" Abby stood up aswell.

Ugh.. if only I could speak right now..

"I guess it'd be cool to see what kind of people you grew up around.." Sebastian muttered, standing up with me.

Man..

guess it wouldn't hurt to give them a call...