I groaned. "Just like that."

Collins sucked harder at the encouragement, and my eyes rolled back in disbelief. This was easily the best head I'd ever gotten, and I was about ten seconds away from blowing it.

But every time I reached that edge and the warning of how hard I was about to come flew to my lips, she slowed her pace, sucked me deeper, and made it last. She made these little noises like my dick was all she'd ever wanted in her mouth, and if she wasn't careful, it was going to make me fall in love. This girl was singing praises on my dick, and goddamn.

I needed her to let me have this, though. I was beyond dying for a release at this point. I needed to claim her mouth, and I needed it now.

"You have such a pretty mouth, baby girl." I tangled my fingers in her hair to hold her still. "Can I fuck it?"

__

"Are we done pretending?"

"What?"

Bren lingered in my doorway, leaning against the frame with that annoying, crooked grin of his. I liked that he smiled a hell of a lot more now than when I met him, but it drove me up the wall when he did it mockingly. Like he was doing right now.

"After the last few days," Bren said, "I just feel like you've gotta be done pretending by now."

I stuffed my clothes into my suitcase, realizing that Collins still had my sweatpants and flannel. Oh, well. She could keep them.

"I don't know what you're talking about, man," I grunted.

Bren nodded and stepped into my room, closing the door behind him. "I see. So we're not done pretending."

I sighed raggedly, looking up from my suitcase. "Bren, stop being confusing."

"That's rich considering...." He waved his hand around in my general direction. "...you."

My brows drew together. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm talking about you and Collins, Beau, and how confusing you both are." Bren collapsed on my bed, which was irritating because I just made it like five minutes ago. "Why can't you both just give up the act, huh?"

It was hard to believe that Bren, of all people, was giving me this pep talk. After all, this was the guy who denied his feelings for Madie for a hell of a long time.

I gave my attention back to packing. "Because it isn't that fucking simple."

"Let's make it simple, then."

Somehow I held in a groan. Did we really have to do this right now, man? They say not to kick a man while he's down, and I definitely felt...down.

"Give it to me straight," Bren continued, crossing his legs in front of him on the bed while he propped himself against the pillows. "Did you guys hook up at the gala?"

Sore spot, Bren. That was really a fucking sore spot, and you just went for it, didn't you?

"Yes," I muttered, done trying to pretend otherwise.

"And then what happened?"

After zipping up my suitcase, I leaned back on the floor, using one hand to drag down my face in frustration. Maybe it would be good to get this off my chest, but it also hurt after the last two days. Everything, all the wounds, felt fresher this morning than they had in a long time.

"She told me that she wasn't looking for anything more than a one-night stand. We didn't talk again until she moved in."

"And have you guys hooked up since the gala?"

You're killing me, Bren.

I just blinked at him.

"I'm going to take that as a yes." Bren cleared his throat. "And Collins still says she doesn't want anything more?"

"She hasn't said it, but that's how she acts. She's trying to keep some distance between us." A short pause. "You know that night when she was drunk, and I picked her up from Grayson's?"

Bren nodded.

"That night, she told me she didn't want to walk away after the gala, but she was afraid of getting close to people because she doesn't want to drag them down into some fucked up situation she won't tell me about."

"Oh." Bren's face said it all. Dots were connecting in his brain faster than the flash of a camera. The picture was clear in his head, but I was still left in the dark.

I stilled. "You know, don't you?"

Suddenly, Bren wouldn't meet my gaze, and that really fucking pissed me off.

"You know what the fuck she's talking about," I repeated, pushing to my feet.

Bren didn't reply, but he did swear beneath his breath and stare out the window. Dude was super chatty a minute ago, and now he wanted to go silent, huh? Well, that didn't work for me.

"Bren, give it up."

Closing his eyes, Bren tipped his head back against the wall behind my bed, and then he raked a hand through his unruly brown hair. I really hated his reaction. Not just because he wasn't saying anything, but also because it told me that whatever was going on with Collins...it wasn't a little deal. Bren wouldn't be acting like this if it was a little deal.

But that made me want to know even more.

"I don't know, man," he finally breathed after looking at me. "I don't know if it's my place to tell you."

I walked to the bed, leaning against the end of the mattress as I pinned my best friend with a glare.

"But you know," I emphasized. I needed to hear him say it.

"Yeah, Beau." He said the words softly, like he knew they would kill me a little bit. "I know."

****

"I don't like this."

Everyone else was already in the car, ready to head back to Oakland. From there, they would all go their separate ways for winter break. Except for Collins. I had a feeling that she didn't have plans to go anywhere.

Pausing in the front doorway, Collins looked back at me. She was dressed comfortably today, wearing matching sweatpants and a sweatshirt with a jacket thrown over, probably because of the long car ride ahead of her. "What?"

"What are your plans for Christmas?"

"I—" She paused. Thoughts ran through her head, clear as day, and all of them were focused on trying to find some way around my question.

"Your mom and brother...are you going to see them?"

She shook her head. "It's expensive to fly across the country, Beau."

I bit down on my tongue. I bit down on it so hard that there was a metallic taste flooding my mouth.

Collins attempted a smile. "That's what FaceTime is for."

I didn't want to fight with her. Not in these last two minutes before leaving. And that was the only reason I didn't ask her to let me buy her a ticket to the east coast. But like hell would I allow her to walk away knowing she would be sitting alone for Christmas.

"Come home with me."

This wasn't something I planned to do, but at this moment, I had to try.

"What?"

"Come to Sacramento with me for Christmas. My mom loves company. You have no idea how much she loves company."

Collins shifted on her feet, her expression conflicted. "Beau..."

"Please come." I may not have planned this ahead of time, but suddenly I was stuck on the idea. Desperate for it. I needed Collins for Christmas, and I wouldn't be happy if I didn't have her. "I promise it won't be weird. I'll explain everything to my parents, and—"

When her eyes grew wide, I began to backpedal.

"Okay, not everything." I nearly choked on a laugh at the expression she was giving me. "I'm close with my parents, but not that close."

"You don't need to do this," she said without even showing a hint of a smile.

"I want to."

I always want to, Collins. When will you get that?

"Thank you, Beau."

She ducked her head down for a minute, and my pulse went off into such a rapid speed that I thought for a minute I was about to see the pearly white gates. And while that might have been a nice change of pace after all the lurking in hell over the weekend, I didn't exactly want to go out like this. After all, who would replace Collins' coffee creamer if I suddenly kicked the bucket?

"But I think it's better if I head back to OSU," she said, speaking softly. "Don't worry about me, okay?"

Literally impossible, but okay.

Walking over to me, she wrapped her arms around my neck, giving me the briefest hug that I wished I would have been ready for. Because then I would have had the presence of mind not to let go. Pulling back, Collins smiled. And then she kissed my cheek.

"Merry Christmas, Beau."

False. It would not be a merry Christmas. Santa might as well put a whole pound of coal in my fucking stalking because at this moment, I felt like I didn't deserve a damn thing.

Was this because I pushed her away last night? Would she have come otherwise?

"Merry Christmas, Collins," I whispered.

Collins pulled away slowly, reluctantly. And then I watched her walk away without a single look back. I stood there for a long time afterward, waiting to hear their car drive off. Once it was finally silent, I got my legs to move.

With a heavy heart, I grabbed my bags and locked up the house with the keypads. But I didn't take more than two steps into the driveway before a voice, the last voice I expected to hear, hollered my name.

"Aye, Beau!"

What the fuck?

"Cato?"

Spinning around, I watched Cato stroll up the driveway like it wasn't totally fucking random for him to be here. I didn't see his car, didn't see any other mode of transportation. Just him. Like he evaporated here.

Wait, that wasn't right.

Apparated. Yep, apparated here.

"What's up, lil bro?"

What's up? Really?

I cleared my throat. "Just heading out. What are you doing here?"

He shrugged, throwing his hands in the pockets of his white coat. "Just a little getaway for Christmas, you know how it is."

Nah, I really didn't know, Cato. But I wasn't about to ask for more information because I suspected anything he would tell me would be twisted with lies. It had been a long time since Cato and I had been able to have a normal conversation without there being some ulterior motive on his end.

Leaning against my car, I crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm sure Mom and Dad would love it if you went home for Christmas."

Cato's expression soured. "I'm not going home unless they apologize for kicking me out without any goddamn money."

"It's not their fault that you already blew through your trust fund," I said dryly.

It was still wild how he managed to do that so quickly.

"Do you know how much fucking money they have?" he shot back, acid in his voice that I knew was meant more for mom and dad than me. But it still stung, having all the twisted anger directed at me when all I really wanted was to have my twin back...the way it used to be.

"Yeah, I have a pretty good idea."

"And meanwhile, I'm barely getting by out here, Beau. Barely scrounging up enough to make ends meet."

"Did you get a job?"

Cato flinched a little bit, which I thought was an odd reaction. His eyes flitted away before coming back to meet mine. "Not in the traditional sense."

Yeah, that was what I thought. If mom and dad believed that Cato was actually trying to make it on his own, I didn't doubt for a minute that they'd back him up. But my parents were self-made people, and they'd worked damn hard to make sure that we didn't turn out entitled.

There was a part of me that guessed they were madder at themselves for failing to make that happen with Cato than anything else.

"Come on, Cato. You made some shitty choices, and they're just trying to get you to understand that money doesn't grow on fucking trees. But it doesn't always need to be like this."

Anger flushed up the sides of his face. "I knew you sided with them."

I sighed. "I'm not siding with anyone. I'm being logical. And I want you home for Christmas, man."

His expression immediately shifted to something softer, pleading. "Why don't you stay here with me for the week?"

I wasn't fooled; Cato had plans to use me. That much was clear. He needed a place to crash, and I was the one with the access codes to the house, which he knew was already locked if I all but had one foot in the car. Two hours earlier, and he probably would have just walked right in. And he wouldn't be asking me a damn thing now.

A shudder ran through me as I imagined that. Cato was twisty and manipulative, and I really didn't want him around Collins or Nessa or any of my friends.

"Mom and dad are expecting me at home, and I can't just cancel on them. I'll be back up here in January for my next competition. We can chill then if you want."

Cato just brushed it off, starting to back away.

"Some fucking brother you are."

I watched him walk away with regret sinking into my stomach. I could let him into the house, give him what he wanted. But I didn't want to, and maybe that did make me some fucking brother. I didn't want to be a push-over anymore, though, even though I knew that decision was just pushing him further away.

I hated that, too.

Fuck, I really hated that.

"Cato!" I called. "If you want in, I'll let you in."

****

It was easily a five drive to Sacramento, which included a slight detour into Nevada, and I wanted to get there before dark.

Luckily, I made it, but barely. And my thoughts wouldn't shut up the entire time. They bounced between Cato and Collins, and this awful churning wouldn't leave the pit of my stomach.

Mom rushed up to greet me as soon as I walked in the front doors. We lived in a massive mid-century-style house that was definitely not built mid-century. More accurately, it was built around the time of my tenth birthday. But the inspiration for the style was apparent.

"Something is not right."

Hopping onto a barstool in the kitchen, I tried to ignore my mom's probing gaze. "What do you mean? I'm home for Christmas. Everything's good."

Momma Martin was not tricked, which honestly didn't surprise me. Taking a break from the stove and whatever she was whipping up for dinner, she walked over to lean against the kitchen counter, piercing me with a knowing look. "No, something's off with my boy."

I bit down on my lip, considering telling her about Cato. But I knew that would sour everyone's mood. So I said the only other thing that I could think of. The only other thing that was a bit truthful.

"It's my roommate."

"Oh?" Dad cut in, walking over from the living room with an empty glass that I was sure had beer in it a minute ago. He was a lean man considering how much of it he drank, and he still had a full head of peppery hair that he raked his hand through. I only hoped to age as well as him. "I had awful roommates when I was your age, too. Fuckers never did their dishes or cleaned the toilets. One time—"

"No." I shook my head, interrupting him before he could launch into one of his long-winded stories. "No, it isn't like that. She's..."

Amazing and gorgeous and funny, and I wanted her to be more than my roommate.

My mom raised a brow when I didn't finish my sentence. She probably heard everything I said in my brain, which made me grimace.

"Well, she's alone for Christmas," I finally finished. "At our apartment. And it's bothering me."

"Beau." Mom gasped and slapped her spatula against my arm lightly. "Why is she not here? Why didn't you bring her with you? You know better than—"

"I tried!" I slipped off the chair, trying to escape her glare. And the spatula. "She refused. She didn't want to impose."

Mom seemed somewhat mollified now that she knew I tried, but she'd picked up a towel and was wringing her hands around it.

"Is this Nessa?" she asked, clearly concerned. "Why isn't she with her family? I thought they lived in the Patterson area, right? And what about that boyfriend of hers?"

"It's not Nessa." I shook my head. "It's Collins."

Mom paused, eyebrows furrowing. Dad set down his glass, giving her a kiss on the head before rummaging in the fridge.

"And why don't I know anything about this girl?"

Because you know me, Mom. And if I had said anything about Collins to you, you would have seen through my bullshit in a heartbeat.

When I didn't answer, she started moving around the kitchen, and it didn't take me long to realize she was making butter tea. Of course. When she settled again with a cup in front of both of us, she raised a brow.

"Tell me about Collins."

✨

happy valentines to my favs <3

xoxo Amelie